


Come What May

by Wierdowithagun



Series: Bad Neighbors [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cult worship, Drinking, Explosions, Frenemies, Gore, Insanity, Kidnapping, M/M, Mentions of Pedophilia, Murder, Sacrifice, Swearing, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:51:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'Recurring Nightmares'.</p><p> </p><p>The secret to immortality has been exposed, Hidan's been taken hostage, and Shikamaru is slowly losing his mind in the midst of the chaos. Foes turn to friend, then back to foes, and finally back to friends. The poor Nara is completely lost in his own damn religion and at the end of the line as far as pulling miracles from his ass go... What will it take to force even a remotely happy ending?</p><p> After complications with his newest boyfriend, Neji has some tough decisions to make when they go to help out his ex and least favorite person in the world. Itachi decides to confide in the Hyuga all the terrible secrets of his past, and he's left with deciding whether to sever the small link to sanity Hidan and his Ex have left, or saving the world.</p><p> The orchestrator behind this whole mess finally pulls the strings on his trap, and suddenly all the comrades are faced against each other.<br/>To top it all off, our two favorite Jashinists discover the origins of their deity, and are faced with the choice of sticking to their faith, or turning their backs on everlasting life.</p><p>This is getting really, REALLY troublesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What was Lost

The entire world seemed quiet, everything muffled and softened by the gently pouring rain. Colors were dulled, casting a gray outline over the entire city. Lights struggled to make a difference, to force their dying yellow glow on the neglected neighborhood, illuminating streets that would rise to a whole new level of dangerous in the darkness.

Rapid footsteps are nearly drowned out among the soft patter of the raindrops on cracked and damaged concrete. Calculating eyes, not quite past the point of panic, but increasingly close, flicked around his surroundings, pushing his body just a bit faster every time one of the streetlights behind him fizzled out. He couldn't outrun it though, he could feel it without looking, the unnatural inky black silently slipping over the ground behind him. If he hesitated, if he stopped for a second, made one single mistake, it would capture him.

Every trick he'd tried had only managed to stall them at the very best. Every angle he'd come at the situation with, every ace he'd pulled from his sleeve. All the things that usually succeeded in getting him out of harms way on every previous mission had fallen through.

He had to get away, there was no choice. The information he collected was unquestionably the single most important bit of data he'd ever found. His boss absolutely  _had_ to get it. All he had to do was outwit his attacker. The question was,  _how_? He'd had yet to see any human being at all, but he wasn't stupid enough not to recognize jutsu when he saw it, especially  _powerful_  jutsu,  _crafty_  jutsu. He couldn't do any damage, because the murky shadows took it all. He couldn't just slip around a corner and hide in the darkness, seeing as that was the very thing that was after him. Outrunning it was impossible as well, his body would tire out long before the inanimate shadows would.

Skidding slightly and making a sharp right he darted into a narrow alleyway, consumed in darkness. He ignored it, it was natural darkness, caused by lack of light, not that inky, living shadow that was pursuing him. There was nothing unsafe about the dark as long as you always had an ace in the hole. Keen eyes scanned the area as he ran along, this was it, this was definitely one of the entrances. Perfect. No one alive could break through his boss's barriers.

A chainlink fence towered over him a short distance away, blocking his path and thusly his escape route. That was okay though, he reasoned, slapping his hands together and making a short series of seals without stopping. He smiled to himself, whatever idiot it was that thought they could stop him was way outmatched here.

His smile disappeared then at the loud slap of something wet hitting the ground in front of him. He internally swore, unable to stop himself or change his course as the sole of his foot stepped into something that was halfway between liquid and solid. Before he even had time to look down black tentacles erupted and twined themselves about his leg, nearly causing him to break it as his momentum pushed him forward though the appendage was held firmly in place. The bodiless limbs squeezed then so strongly, twined about his leg like a kraken attacking a ship out on the sea. He couldn't help the pained cry that escaped as he heard and felt the POP of his hip dislocating, followed by the splintering  _crack_  of his knee, and then his ankle.

His scream broke temporarily through the hushed night, softened back to the muffled normalcy by the rain.

The shadow tentacles retreated back into their puddle after he'd collapsed, which seemed to fade away, absorbing into the ground like it'd never been there in the first place.

Panting heavily through gritted teeth, he growled in determination, pushing himself up with only a small pathetic whine at the pain stabbing through him with every movement. He crawled forward like a three-legged dog. He was so close, he just had to get into the safehouse. It was right there, at the junction of the alleys. He could crawl if he had to.

He concentrated chakra in his leg, trying in vain to repair the damage. It was easy enough to get his hip popped back into place. Though the pain neared unbearable, it was over within an instant, and he chuckled for a brief victorious moment before pushing the pale green glow of chakra down his leg to his knee. It was not so easily repaired, seeing as it had literally been crushed. The shards of bone would be impossible to repair in the limited time he had.

It's okay.. he just had to keep crawling. He was almost there. The only obstacle left was the fence.

Movement caught his eye and he rolled instantly, barely dodging another shadow that shot out across the alley and impaled itself in the weak brick of the building. He was forced to the side again as another came darting from the darkness, barely missing his chin and imbedding itself in the wall. He grunted in effort and pain as he scrambled to avoid three more that shot out, effectively pinning him there in a seated position with his back pressed against the brick.

He stayed where he was for a few heartbeats, before pulling a knife out of his pocket and with a snarl, swinging it in a wide arc, slashing a trio of them and rolling to freedom. Cheap tricks like that wouldn't stop him, his mission was far too important. The knowledge in his head was too pertinent for him to be stopped by some faceless enemy.

With his chakra still pooling around his crushed knee and ankle, he hobbled onward, stopping at the chainlink and making the handsigns again. When he completed it he slammed his hand against it and a hole appeared, tunneling backward farther than the fence reached. It was then that the illusion of the fence and the alley behind it flickered out to reveal nothing but a dead end.

He sneered, all he had to do was step inside and he was home free. And his master would finally know the secret. He would be safe and sound and he could revel in the glory of having gained such astounding information.

He gingerly lifted his injured leg up and through the swirling dark tunnel, but before he could finish, the gleam of a blade caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He moved out of the way only for another one to whip out and slash him across the face. He lost his balance and fell, trying to rub away the stinging in his cheek. Dammit, all these stupid little tricks were getting old. Whoever the hell was after him needed to show themselves. They were toying with him, he knew all too well. He was exhausted and injured and all he had to do was step through the portal and he would be safe, but whoever it was didn't even seem to be worried, seeing as they were just using the shadows to slap at him, delaying his escape.

When he pulled his hand away he winced at the slight smear of blood on his palm, then wiped the back of his hand across it to get rid of the remainder. Just a scratch on the cheek, nothing worth repairing immediately. It's not like it would kill him.

He rolled himself to his feet, holding the hunters knife defensively in his dominating arm and scooting himself slowly toward his escape route. He stiffed and whirled at the new presence that flickered into existence behind him, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out contact bombs and throwing them blindly. The figure shrouded in darkness only smiled as three shadows vined up around him and quite literally swallowed the bombs, expanding and releasing a small puff of smoke when they went off before retreating back to the ground.

"Kabuto Yakushi... correct?" The man said with a voice that would be smooth as silk, something that could lull someone to sleep it it weren't for the extreme undertone of 'I-don't-want-to-be-here' underneath.

He tensed at the mention of his name, stiffening back into a defensive position and glaring a the silhouette of his attacker. Finally they show themselves, now he could dispose of them and be on his way. These games had gotten old a  _looong_  time ago.

"Mm. You don't have to answer. I know it's you." He said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from one pocket and a flint lighter from the other. He slipped one of them from the pack and popped it into his mouth. "You've been blacklisted, it seems."

The figure stepped forward, flicking the lighter and sneering in the brief macabre light. Slender, clever eyes laughed at him with nothing more than a small crook in the corner of his mouth for a second before he slapped the lid back onto the lighter and returned both items to his pockets. The man known as Kabuto refused to shrink under his presence. He wasn't afraid, he'd seen far more terrifying things than this fool could ever be capable of.

"You've assisted in kidnapping, illegal genetic experimentation, and of course countless murders. You really should be more careful, you know. Leaving fingerprints everywhere."

"Quit the monologuing and attack me already. I have places to be. " He replied, repositioning his glasses.

"Hm. You wouldn't say that if you knew what was about to happen to you."

Kabuto remained quiet this time, patiently eyeing the man as he stepped forward again. The silhouette disappeared and the facial features revealed themselves again, wearing the same calm mask that balanced on some line between sadistic pleasure and utter indifference, but it didn't help. He had no idea who this was. A high ponytail, open, black, pocketed vest with no shirt underneath, and what was that pendant around his neck?

No.. wait.. he knew what that was.

"A Jashinist?" He said, raising a white brow. "I didn't think they existed any longer. And I certainly didn't think they were dumb enough to wear it out on their sleeves."

"Ooh you know of Jashin then?"

"I know more than you'd probably be comfortable with me knowing." He replied, smirking in a mock imitation of his attacker.

"Actually, that makes everything easier. Seeing as you're about to meet him."

"Am I? I think you're mistaken."

His attacker smiled, and the cold look in his eyes suddenly melted away by the fire exploding within them. In a flash the man moved forward, Kabuto barely had time to pull out his weapon to block the attack. And no time at all to block the second, seeing as he suddenly couldn't move his body.

"I don't like cocky fuckers like you." His attacker growled, delivering a knee into Kabuto's gut and shoving him backward onto the ground. "You know of Jashin eh? Tell me what happens when I taste your blood then." The spiky haired man said, whipping out a telescopic pike and snapping it downward until it was unretracted. With a quick motion he scraped it across the cut on Kabuto's cheek, and then stepped back.

The victim glared, unwilling to admit that his knowledge on the subject was only bare minimum. Ingesting blood did any number of things though, if he remembered correctly. It was a large part of the religion. He struggled against the shadow hands that restrained him on the ground, wincing in pain when they only squeezed tighter.

"You're lucky I'm not a sadist. So don't forget to thank Jashin Almighty for sending  _me_  instead of someone else." With that his attacker extended his tongue and licked the blood from the tip of the weapon, twirling it too fast to see then before grunting as he shoved it through his palm.

Kabuto stared wide eyed as the man's skin changed color right before his eyes, skin turning to the same inky black as the shadows he commanded, broken by the stark white of tribal, skeletal-like markings across his face, chest, and arms.

What.. what the hell was this? His chakra was surging, mixing around and twisting with some other indescribable power in his veins. This.. this wasn't jutsu! It couldn't be! But what was it! It couldn't be possible that there was a forbidden technique he didn't know about... he knew EVERYTHING!

This wasn't part of Jashinism.. was it? It was just some harmless stupid little religion for emo teens and adults with sick, twisted, sexual fantasies. Though, it didn't matter what it was, did it? He would have to put a stop to it, before this man killed him, as he so boldly claimed he was going to. Luckily for him, the best way to stop any attacker is to kill them first.

The skeletal man squeezed a few ridiculously big drops of blood on the ground, smearing them into a circle. More blood fell, and was drawn into a triangle in the middle. The man's face was absolutely expressionless, regarding Kabuto as if he were already a corpse.

Trying to resist the trembling of his hands, the glasses-wearing victim made a handsign with one hand, muttering an incovation word along with it. He imagined the trap set up in the alleyway, not by him but as a safeguard for his boss's employees. One that  _should_  have been triggered as soon as this spiky haired, religious  _nutjob_  set foot within three feet of the unmasked portal. Oh well though, at least you could manually activate it, as long as you know how.

But his attackers eyes didn't shift except for a wince as mechanical sounds pervaded the air and he suddenly had two dozen arrows sticking out of his body, a living pincushion.

Kabuto didn't even have time to smile at the victory before pain erupted within him like a million little daggers. His mouth gaped open in a silent scream, vision blurred in bulging eyes and ears rang. What was this? What was this black magic? He wasn't doing anything more than looking at him and he felt like he'd just been stabbed a hundred times in a hundred places all at once.

He choked out as the tentacles around his body seemed to wriggle in excitement of the severe blinding pain within him. He couldn't blink, he couldn't move his body, stiffened against the agony, he couldn't even suck in a single solitary breath.

"That kind of hurt..." The Jashinist said, cracking his neck. "Any other traps you'd like to set off? More brilliant ideas? You better get it all out of your system before I send you to Jashin."

The shadows restraining the victim shifted and pushed upward, hoisting Kabuto up and restraining him into a standing position, the single shadow wrapped around his leg squeezed tightly, and a pained breath hissed in through clenched teeth. His hands were secured to prevent any more signing, and the spikey-haired man sneered.

"You.." Kabuto gasped finally after forcing his mind to apply his medical skills to himself and numb the pain enough to where he could function, his eyes falling wider still and face going slack. He couldn't think any more, now that the realization had hit him. The man had just been stabbed clean through with 24 arrows, and barely even flinched. And yet  _he_  was the one feeling the deadly pain from it.

He knew who this was now. It was the very person he'd been trying to collect data on, the one who'd gained immortality through that man his boss had spoke about. The one who couldn't die by meer physical attacks alone.

This was... the  _other immortal._

"I grant you this soul, Jashin, stained thoroughly with the blood of others, the weight of it should suffice you for another month. I ask for your continued blessing, and thank you for all you've done for me already." The man said in monotone, bowing his head slightly after taking the cigarette out of his mouth and flicking it off into the shadows.

Kabuto choked, the wall behind the immortal man flickered, and then died, returning to the image of a chain-link fence. Shit, what was he going to do, he couldn't move even if he  _weren't_  restrained. He  _had_  to get this information to his master, whether he died or not, it was crucial. And now, he even met the man. If he could survive, everything would go so perfectly.

But.. he wasn't going to. He had no other tricks up his sleeve. He'd never thought in a million years that the immortal would come after him himself. To be brutally honest, he hadn't even been completely convinced that the silver-haired, pink-eyed one had existed, let alone a  _second_  one.

The immortal man, chuckling, lifted the pike above his head. "My body is your vessel, Jashin." He said quietly, and Kabuto watched, time slowing down, his heartbeat thundering in his ears as he swung the weapon down toward his own chest. It registered just before flesh parted that this was a sacrifice. That  _he_  was a sacrifice. That this was the never-seen-because-no-one-survived ritual that only the highest of priests could perform. And he realized with tears welling up that he had been doomed from the second he'd been asked to do this task. No one with a secret as huge as this would simply let someone walk off with the knowledge that Kabuto had.

Another explosion of pain erupted within him, searing and burning to the point where he thought his body might just combust and turn to ash. He couldn't even scream. He couldn't do anything but stare dumbly at a laughing skeletal man, unable to hear anything other than his own slowing heartbeat reverberating in his eardrums.

No.. no. He had to.. to get the knowledge.. to..

He couldn't do it, he couldn't even think.

He had nothing left. He was going to die. He had failed.

Dammit..

One last beat, one last wheeze, and his eyes rolled backward.

The world went black.

* * *

 

Shikamaru continued laughing, unable to understand why he was doing such a thing, but not really willing to find out. It happened every time, after all. Every time he saw the surrender in their eyes, the recognition of their own death. When he watched as they gaped at him, trying to understand what he was, what was happening.

He couldn't help himself but laugh.

Fucking  _heathens._

It's what they got, what they deserved. He delivered them unto Jashin, and they would be judged before a God. They would see for themselves that he was real, and they would cry and repent for their actions like the pathetic atheists they were. They would cower in fear and plead for mercy before they were devoured.

His laughter slowed to the point where he could control himself again, and he quickly pulled the giant stake from himself, gritting his teeth against a moan of pleasure that threatened to escape him. And now he had to pull all these arrows out... Damn. The ritual wasn't going to last that long. Which meant this was really going to hurt.

He retracted the weapon and put it back into it's small clip on his belt, sighing in exhaustion as Jashin accepted the soul, and the ritual ended, letting his skin pale back to it's usual color.

"Ooww..." He said aloud, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fucking arrows... seriously?" He muttered, grabbing the head of one sticking out of his chest. Inhaling sharply, he yanked it out and let it fall to the ground, growling under his breath as he tried to numb the pain, waiting for his body to begin healing.

Oh, that smarts.

"One down. A shitload more to go."

Getting used to being immortal hadn't been much of a challenge, the hardest part was fighting the urge to pass out momentarily when his heart was pierced or his skull cracked open.

It was always the part  _after_  the battle that ended up being the worst. After the thrill and adrenaline were gone, after the ritual ended and any remaining wounds were left to be dealt with. Normally being in ritualistic mode instantly healed everything, but if his body was still pierced, obviously it couldn't repair itself. And so now he was left with nothing but his self-training and largley increased pain tolerance to get him through the cleanup process. He'd made a mental note to ask Hidan how the hell he still enjoyed it when not in ritual skin, and was reminded every time he had to go and make one of these troublesome offerings.

Four more bloody arrows were on the ground at his feet now. And another clattered down after a short outburst of swears. This was a slow process, he unhappily admitted to himself. That Kabuto bastard didn't really put up much of a fight, but he'd had one hell of a devious mind. The pursuit of him so far had been a tedious one. He was a quick little shit, smart and unafraid to cause pain to anyone who got in his way. 2 normal civilians had been injured in the nerd's failed escape schemes.

He had been unusually prepared, actually. It was weird, as if he'd known someone would be after him. Then again, the guy  _was_  some sort of spy or something. And obviously he hadn't expected an immortal. It made him ponder briefly on what kind of information he'd been gathering before Shikamaru had put a stop to it.

Hm. Well, it didn't matter anyway. Jashin had his sacrifice and he could go back to his normal life. Or... what had become normal. Moving from place to place, sneaking into abandoned buildings, or old bunkers, and staying there until the time came when a sacrifice was due. And by then he'd already narrowed his choices down to three people. Whoever he found first was instantly targeted.

It was a little bit of a drag really, having to sneak around from place to place, hack into computers and look up information. He almost had grown to despise technology, made everything so troublesome.

But that's what happened when you tried to turn being a murderer into being some twisted form of vigilante. It was work. Being a good person was always the hard road, protecting was always the more difficult choice. And he knew that more than anyone. That's why he was in this whole stupid mess in the first place. Damn, it sucked to have morals. Hopefully he'd be able to ignore them after a few centuries..

"Gaah Son-of-a-biiitch!" He snarled, when one arrow decided to snag itself on something inside him. There literally could not be a worse place to get a splinter, seriously. He only had 13 more left now, and the first few holes had already stopped bleeding. He took a moment to brace himself further, and with a grimace he yanked again. It came out, but not without tearing something. Blood squirted in an almost hilariously fake display from the wound, like the over-the-top effects one would see in an old, poorly-funded movie. It it didn't hurt so fucking bad he might have taken the time to enjoy the weird humor of the moment.

"You're lucky you're already dead." He growled through his teeth to the corpse.

And then he blinked. He'd forgotten to undo the shadow jutsu, which continued to restrain his latest victim. But not only that... He mentally kicked himself. Why was he doing this the hard way?

He took a breath and closed his eyes, and at his silent command the three-dimensional shadows removed themselves from the body, discarding it like a sack of rotten potatoes and wormed up his own, grasping the few remaining ends of the arrow by the heads. He took one more heartbeat to brace himself yet again before snapping his eyes open. Taking the cue, all the remaining foreign bodies were removed from him all at once.

He made a slight choking sound and slapped his hand over his mouth at the pain. But after standing motionless for a good ten minutes and focusing on his breathing, he was okay again.

Well. That certainly moved things along quicker.

He sighed and clapped his hands, finally stepping from his Jashin circle and over all the discarded arrows. He still couldn't believe Kabuto had used something so primitive... But then again, it would have been effective enough were he not unkillable.

He stretched, and took the time to pop his back before grabbing both arms of the limp body and slinging it up over his shoulder. All that was left now was taking him to an exchange point.

Yeah.. the  _vigilante_  thing to do was drop him off at the police station, but hey, just because he was immortal didn't mean he liked starving. And he might as well get paid for all his efforts.

Kabuto was a wanted man too. He'd bring in at least a couple months worth of money, if not more. It was surprisingly easy to make it last when you didn't have bills, or car insurance, or rent, or any of those other annoying little money vacuums.

Pushing chakra into his feet, he launched himself upward, landing on the two story roof with only one extra push off the opposing wall. Before taking off he turned around and looked down at the mess he'd made of the alleyway, tsk'ing.

"Clean it up guys." He ordered, and one the command two living shadows ever-so-slowly pulled free of the walls, plopping onto the ground and pulling themselves up on twig-like legs. With mouths akin to an anteaters, they moved forward, one sucking the arrows up like a vacuum and the other melting into a puddle and running in a small trickle to cover the blood circle and the other miscellaneous spatters. Smoke fizzled from the ground momentarily as it vaporized the evidence, and Shikamaru, nodding in satisfaction, turned and went of his way, speeding along the rooftops in a blur with a dark purple meteor tail fading out behind him.

* * *

 

4 hours later he sat on the edge of the tallest building in town. A not-so-impressive 15 story that pointed in a pyramid upward at the top, giving the Jashinist perched on the small ledge something to lean back against.

He inhaled from the cigarrette in his mouth, exhaling through his nose into the chilly night air. The sun would be rising in a few more hours, and he would retreat back to his safe house to rest for a few days before he picked up and moved on to a new city or town.

He'd rather enjoyed his stay in this one. It was rather pretty, being older and more rustic looking. Most of the buildings had that back-in-the-day feel to them, and he might guess they were more than a couple decades old. Not so old that they were disgusting and falling apart, but enough to give him a strange sense of welcome...

It was just big enough to send a glow of light up in the night sky, reflecting off the clouds and creating a heavenly sort of picture. And it was small enough to where the smog stayed mostly near the ground. On his post so high up, the air was crisp and refreshing.

He sighed and flicked the smouldering filter of his cigarette off the edge of the small-time skyscraper, putting his arms behind his head and leaning back on them like a pillow.

It wasn't such a bad life, being a rogue. Once he'd gotten past his first sacrifice, (an absolute mess  _that_  had been,) everything sort of fell into place. Now that he generally knew what to expect he sometimes wondered why the hell he hadn't ever thought to do this sooner. There were no deadlines to meet, no places to be, no one to worry about but himself. The doldrums of the average life didn't affect him at all. He was free in every sense of the word.

Of course there were things that he missed. A comfy bed, refrigerators, the occasional television, the satisfaction of knowing where you'll be going to sleep at night after night, and some occasional company that wasn't a shadow puppet or dead body... but they were all just luxuries that could be easily lived without, as long as you had things to distract yourself with. And hobbies were something that continued to elude him, except for working out, planning his next sacrifice, polishing his few weapons, smoke-bombs, and continuously working on improving his techniques, he still didn't have much of a life...

He didn't need a good mattress to sleep on, seeing as his body healed so quickly now that each morning he woke up feeling perfect no matter what kind of surface he spent the night on. And food was never hard to come by, honestly. He always had enough cash on hand to keep himself going.

Technically he didn't need  _anything_  but the clothes on his back. But speaking just of the mentality of things, it was nice to at least pretend he was human. To have the few normalities of the everyday life and not existing in the same, monotonous little bubble in time. Simple things like a change of clothes were a comfort. Especially when you literally had to break into places just to take a shower.

Not to say he wasn't human... but there were a lot of long nights he'd spent just pondering over his new life, his abilities... and it always came down to one thing. He was one of two people on the entire earth who could not die. And that alone put him in another species category.

He wondered a lot too of the future. How things would be when he'd outlived everyone he knew, outlived their children and their grandchildren... How things might change, how he'd have to adapt...

And it was thoughts like these that always made him think of Hidan. However old he technically was... He'd entertained himself with the thought of the man living far back in time, changing along with the flow of society. Hidan in a suit of armor, Hidan in a rainbow sancho and half moon glasses, Hidan in bellbottoms, Hidan in an Elvis suit! Usually it was too hilarious to even think about and so he wrenched his train of thought away, most times only for it to meander its way right back to the immortal.

It was troublesome, in a way. But also comforting. He wouldn't outlive  _everyone_  he knew...

He smiled to himself and closed his eyes ,inhaling deeply from the cancer stick. Today was exactly six months from when he'd made the deal. It was the day he'd written on piece of paper and had one of his shadow minions deliver. And there were only a few hours until daylight.

It was a good thing Jashin didn't go by conventional time, or Hidan and himself would both be dead.

That crazy albino... Shikamaru was only vaguely concerned as to whether he'd show or not. And honestly it wasn't even concerned for his life. Nope, he just wanted to see him. He so far beyond his denial that when he'd thought about how much he'd fought his feelings for the zealot it made him want to laugh out loud... and maybe punch something. He couldn't have just enjoyed it, could he? That short little amount of time he'd had. He had to sit there worrying about how wrong it was, about how Neji would react, about all that stupid bullshit that hadn't made any difference in the end anyway.

And now he was in a whole different boat. Instead of trying to convince himself he didn't love Hidan, he was trying to contain the emotions that continued to force their way into his brain whenever he thought of the man. The happy content he'd felt, as well as the anger he still couldn't rid himself of after the bastard had chosen Kakuzu.

So yes, he was all too eager to see him.

And to fight him.

Spontaneous new jutsu's and techniques had made themselves available to Shikamaru. And though his sacrifices occasionally put up a good fight, he was excited to get to really test them out. And he wasn't going to go easy on Hidan either, the zealot was going to have to work his ass off if he wanted his blood. Call it teasing or flirting or whatever you want, but he was going to prolong this reunion as long as possible.

...If he showed up... that is.

Dammit, surely he wouldn't forget! And surely he would be able to track the Nara down, especially if the revered tracker Kakuzu assisted. He hadn't made it too incredibly hard to follow his trail... Did he?

He wasn't overestimating the moron was he?

Damn, he'd be really, REALLY pissed if he didn't show. And also dead... But mostly just pissed.

"Where the fuck are you..." He mumbled almost inaudibly, opening his eyes just in time to catch the shadow moving on its own out of the corner of his eye.

Hmm. That certainly wasn't his.

He grinned widely and internally leaped in joy before sighing and activating his shadow possession. The shadow anomaly was caught with ease, and there was only a single heartbeat of silence until curses exploded into the air behind him.

He smiled and tipped his head backward to find a dark cloaked man holding a scythe over his head, his body trembling slightly in his efforts to escape Shikamaru's hold on him. His eyes met shaded violet under the hood of the cloak, and he held the teasing stare as long as he could before the upside-down man above him gritted his teeth in a grimace.

"God Dammit, quit staring at me!"

"You seriously think you can just sneak up on me? I see we still haven't grown any brains..."

"You Shithead! Just let me down! My fucking arms are getting tired!"

"Were you going to cleave my fucking skull in two or what!?"

"Hey, it's not like it's gonna kill you!"

"Yeah but that's just gross, and it would probably piss me off."

Finally he stood up, mimicking Hidan's stance and switching the jutsu into mime-mode. Casually he forced Hidan to toss his unimpressive single bladed scythe over the side of the building, receiving a growl in response. He deactivated the Jutsu while simultaneously diving out of the way. Just as expected, he dodged a blow from Hidan's red-hazed hand, turned into a weapon with nothing but condensed chakra.

"Have you learned any new tricks?" Shikamaru said, dodging two more swings and then delivering a kick of his own. Hidan not only blocked it but caught him by the ankle, sneering before a red-laced shadow tentacle extended from his arm and wrapped itself around Shikamaru's leg. His eyes widened and he struggled to get away, but he hardly had time to move before his opponent heaved and he was flung into the air, rising several feet in an arc and slammed into the vertical wall on the other side of the building.

He spit a wad of blood out and coughed, mentally kicking himself for being arrogant before he was tossed again, Hidan's stolen control over the shadows acting almost like one of Kakuzu's arm extensions. Hah, of course he would imitate the old man. They'd probably been working together to train him up all this time. It wasn't as if Shikamaru and Hidan's born-again lover were on good standings with each other. Surely the bastard would donate a little bit of time to make sure Hidan gave the Nara a good beating during their reunion.

Damn. He hadn't even considered that.

He grunted again, drowned out by the shattering of glass as he was slammed into the other side of the building, and immediately condensed chakra in his hand. When he was lifted back up moments later he waited just until he was hovering over the silver-hair of his opponent before making a little shadow whip of his own and snaking it around his opponents neck, simultaneously breaking the grip of the other tentacle with a quick slash from a chakra foot-blade.

Using his momentum as he fell back down and landed safely on the roof, he flung Hidan up into the air, letting him go at the last second instead of slamming him into anything. Without hesitation he bounded to the edge of the roof, leaping out pocahontas-style and flipped, pooling chakra in his legs. Hidan came flailing down just as he coiled his thighs and kicked, nailing him perfectly in the chest and sending out a ripple of air as the zealot was flung backward and went crashing down onto the roof of another lower building, just barely managing to break the tumble before he skidded off it as well.

Using Shadow whips as a grappling hook, Shikamaru Spiderman'd his way over to land on the roof, not sparing even a millisecond after his feet touched concrete to charge. He opened his hand behind him and pumped chakra into the seal sewn into his fingerless glove, wrapping his hand around the staff of the weapon that flashed into existence with a small burst of deep purple. Hidan's eyes went wide for only a second before they were replaced with anger, and he pulled out one of his telescopic pikes and extended it just in time to block the attack, locking the two in a grapple.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=9sv341)

"YOU LITTLE SHIT! You stole my fucking scythe!?" He said half in anger and half in amusement.

Shikamaru smirked and pushed away, pinwheeling the giant weapon before slamming the butt to the concrete. "Yeah. You really didn't suspect it all this time?"

"Son of a-Goddammit Pineapple head I fucking tore that city apart looking for it!"

"Well. Finders, keepers."

Hidan's eyes narrowed and he jetted forward with chakra enhanced speed. With a simple swing of the scythe he was forced to stop and flip to the side, and then again when the weapon continued swooping back and forth at him.

Shikamaru smiled, once you were used to it, it was actually one hell of a weapon, and with the 'improvements' he'd made to it, there was no way he was letting the albino reclaim it.

"I'll fucking  _take_  it back!"

"I'd like to see that."

"How the fuck did you get so good at handling it so fast!?"

Shikamaru retracted the weapon, sending a quick pulse of chakra into it while whipping it forward. With a long string of clicks, the once solid staff of the weapon broke into millions of little segments, creating a flexible spine and transforming the triple bladed scythe into a completely new weapon. Hidan gawked for half a second too long before trying to get away, and the weapon wrapped around Hidan's torso, with the three blades impaling him as an anchor right through the gut.

A choked grunt of pain sounded briefly before, with a flick of his wrist, Shikamaru retracted the spined scythe and pulled Hidan roughly up close.

"I've had a lot of time to practice." He said lowly, doing his best not to sound bitter.

"What'd you fucking do to my scythe!?" Hidan growled in his restraint.

"Upgraded it. You like it? No need for a flimsy little retractable cord now."

With that he snapped the cord upward, throwing his opponent into the air, spinning like a top. The blades ripped free of the silver-haired Jashinists abdomen, sending out a spiral of blood and dazzleing Shikamaru with the morbid beauty of the attack.

He stared a little too long, it turned out, and by the time he'd slung the weapon back to reattach to Hidan the zealot had recovered in midair, grabbed the end of the weapon tucked it under his feet, managing to run along the outstretched spine like a tightrope.

_That's not even physically possible!_ His head screamed, unable to force any other thought out in time to dodge the chakra hazed punch Hidan delivered right to the side of his face, gripping the weapon firmly with his other hand and tearing it from the Nara's grasp as he went careening over the edge of the building.

Hm. Hidan's warnings about getting cocky had rung true after all.

Hah. But not really.

Intentionally chomping down on his tongue and restarting the bleeding as he plummeted, he worked up a wad of blood and spit into his hand, sending a small surge of chakra to activate the seal on his glove once more. Initially summoning the weapon didn't demand payment, seeing as he kept it in a specially designed locker that Jashin designed for him between planes of reality. But transporting it out of one reality and taking it to a different spot in the same one wasn't such an easy process, and therefore required a little blood.

Immediately the scythe phased back into his hand and he launched it without hesitation, letting it break through a window and latch onto the brick. He had just pulled himself to a stop and planted his feet onto the side of the building when a pale blur came racing straight down, crashing into him and once again severing his hold on the weapon.

Punches and kicks were exchanged in midair before Shikamaru, still being slightly more agile, managed to maneuver himself on top of Hidan, pushing off against his stomach just before the pale immortal collided with the concrete.

He landed softly, thanks to a certain psycho breaking the fall for him. And he sent one more chakra drip into his hand and the sealing circle, banishing the weapon back to it's holding cell. If he couldn't keep ahold of the damn thing then it would just be a nuisance.

"YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO  _PISS ME OFF_! " Came Hidan's snarl from the still dusty crater, and again a blur raced outward from the smoke, both hands and both feet aflame with red chakra. Shikamaru took a half-second to spit out a wad of blood and pulled out his own telescopic pike and snapped it to full extension before swinging. It slashed right through the albinos neck before he poofed out of existence.

Eyes widening, Shikamaru ducked, feeling the air from his attackers swipe behind him and absently noting the few black hairs that floated to the ground in front of him. He dropped his legs under him and backward and pushed with his arms, successfully sliding himself beneath the mans legs and rising up behind him, snaking a shadow tentacled around his neck and yanking him back and down by the throat.

Hidan's head smashed into the ground only for him to poof away into the air again. Brows furrowing, Shikamaru whipped around in time to sidestep a swipe of the zealots pike and grab his arm, slamming it into a raised knee right at the elbow. It cracked audibly and his opponent released an angry yelp, not stopping for even a millisecond to tend to his wound before whirling into a roundhouse.

Shikamaru whirled too, ducking low and extending his leg, successfully catching the fellow Jashinists ankles and maneuvering the weapon from his hands before he was sprawled on his back. Without hesitation Shikamaru poured chakra into his weapons and spun both pikes in his hand like batons before lifting them up and slamming each one down through a broad shoulder and into the cement below.

Hidan's body stiffened as he fought through a seizure, glaring daggers at the Nara with gritted teeth and bug eyes.

Giving the man the best amused grin he could work up, he stepped back and regarded him with feigned boredom, even going so far as to pull out a cigarette and light it, exhaling a puff of smoke just as the albinos body relaxed onto the ground.

"Dammit..." Hidan panted, reaching up to yank one of the stakes from his shoulder. "Would you just hold the fuck still?" He gave a half-moan at the sickening sound of the weapon pulling free of him, and went to repeat the action with the other.

"Where's the fun in that?" The Nara replied, pausing to take another drag. "Maybe you should quit fuckin' around and get serious." Holding the cigarette between his lips, he dashed forward right as Hidan rose to his feet. He wouldn't give him the chance to make any more clones. That was seriously starting to get annoying. He rushed him, pulling out two of his special chakra blades that resembled bronze knuckles with knife-like extensions and alighting them with purple-black flames.

He gave an extra boost to his feet, vaguely put off by the fact that Hidan didn't seem to care that he was being charged at. The notion was knocked away when movement caught his eye and he had to suddenly avoid a minefield of tarry puddles, the same trap he'd just used on his most recent sacrifice. Even getting near one would result in those 3D shadows shooting up to bind you in place.

While he weaved through the traps, Hidan started running in an arc around them, whipping out the tangible shadow extensions as he did and flinging them at Shikamaru, creating more distractions as he tried to maneuver through a minefield and dodge the whip-like attacks being thrown at him.

Stopping on a dime and whirling, the Nara let loose a dark wave that rippled out from his body, avoided easily by Hidan with a leap into the air. Smiling to himself, he twirled one of his blades around a single finger, taunting. And reacting as he planned, an angered albino landed on the ground and charged.

Quickly he chucked the blade at Hidan's shadow, causing the psycho to come to sudden stop and roar in anger after a few seconds of labored breathing. He glared at Shikamaru for a heartbeat, breathing heavily. The Nara could practically see the gears turning in his head.

He honestly was just a little disappointed, his opponent had the ability to copy and manipulate everything that Shikamaru himself was capable of, and yet he didn't seem to be experimenting even. Then again, maybe he didn't know what all he could actually do.

He'd just taken a breath to say something he heard the fast-paced footfalls behind him, then twirling out of the way and missing having his head cleaved open yet again by only a hair. The cigarette held between his lips took the damage instead, cut off down nearly to the filter.

He spit out the end and slashed at what he could only assume was Hidan's shadow minion swinging the previously discarded scythe that Hidan had started out with. They locked in a grapple again, and Shikamaru broke it by throwing his foot up to hit the monster in the groin. His foot only ghosted through it, something he mentally kicked himself about when the inanimate being hopped away and raced toward it's restrained master.

Shika started immediately after it, but it moved with the speed of light, or... the absence of it. In the blink of an eye it plucked the blade from the ground, taking the time to hand Hidan both weapons before fading from existence.

The spiky haired Jashinist continued his charge, leaping up and flipping over his opponent when the scythe was swung low. The albino continued the swing in a complete circle, arcing it higher and forcing Shika to duck under it. He slashed with his own remaining blade at Hidan's abdomen, who tossed the large weapon into the air and side-stepped the attack, clasping onto Shikamaru's wrist and yanking him forward.

Caught off guard by this, he stumbled forward and was grabbed by the waist and hoisted up onto Hidan's shoulder. Alarm bells rang in his head when he was restrained by his own stolen jutsu, inky black ropes wrapping around his ankles, knees, elbows and wrists.

"What the hell are you doing!?" He shouted, squirming in the humiliating position as the scythe came falling back down, snatched from the air by the zealot as he started slowly down the street.

"I caught you. You're my hostage now. So quit wiggling around."

"Fucking put me down Hidan!"

"Nope. Got a sacrifice to make, and times running out."

Shikamaru sighed loudly, letting his body fall limp. He could probably get out of this easily enough, but Hidan was right, time was running short and they'd done a lot of damage to city property... it would be a good idea to remove themselves from the scene.

"Do you really have to carry me like this? I pretty much just kicked your ass, this is embarrassing."

"That's what fucking happens when you steal my shit." The zealot replied calmly. "Maybe if you would have held the fuck still and let me cut you it could have been over and done with."

"I'll cooperate if you let me down."

"Not a chance Pineapple head, I caught you fair and square."

The Nara rolled his eyes. That was a dissapointingly undramatic end to the fight, being carried off like a prize. Where the hell were they going anyway? He voiced the question aloud only to be roughly repositioned on the muscled shoulder.

"Somewhere private." Came the robotic reply.

The prisoner's skin crawled pleasantly at this. Going somewhere private to perform a sacrificial bonding ritual? How morbidly romantic.

Seriously though, he couldn't help the jolt of excitement that shot through him at the small flicker of hope. Did Hidan break up with Kakuzu? Had he finally come to his senses?

"Why?" He said, clearing his throat and inwardly cringing at the obvious fan girlish excitement that leaked out with just the single word.

"Keep your panties on. We just need to talk. I... remembered some stuff.."

"Remembered...?"

"Yeah. Got fucking cotton in your ears?"

Shikamaru remained silent, chewing on his lip in thought. What the hell could he have possibly remembered that he felt inclined to voluntarily tell the fellow Jashinist. And judging by his demeanor it wasn't exactly something positive. Had he recalled something during their brawl? Or was all this just a cover-up for some other means of shenanigans?

He furrowed his brow at the thought. It better not be, or he was going to beat the shit out of him all over again.

"Can't believe you fucked up my scythe..."

"I made it better." He mumbled back.

"You have any fucking idea how long I've had that thing?"

"Awwe, I didn't know you thought of it like a security blanket."

"Never mind.. just shut up." The albino growled, again repositioning Shikamaru.

"Make me." He replied, yelping when his ass was suddenly smacked harder than any normal person could. Holy fuck that was going to bruise!

"Now shut up."


	2. Forever Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Sexual content.

He was dropped roughly onto a stone floor finally, his complaints ignored by the silver-hair as he snapped his fingers and the shadow restraints puffed away.

Hidan turned and moved to the wall, pushing shut the heavy door of the sacrificial chamber.

"Do you just carry a map around of these places or what?" Shika said, rubbing at the pressure marks on his elbows.

"They're not hard to find once you know what to look for." He replied, resting the sorry excuse for a scythe against the wall. "You know those stars in the circle you sometimes see graffiti'd on walls? Well the one's that look kinda lopsided on the left side, and have a little tic mark on the bottom right of the innermost triangle are an extension of the Jashin symbol. It's code, saying 'Theres one around here somewhere.'"

Shikamaru stared with both interest and disappointment. Damn, every time he thought he was up to date on this religion he found out all this random trivia. Why the hell wasn't Jashin teaching him this shit?

Oh wait... Hidan was supposed to be his teacher.. right.

"You have to train your brain to pick up on weird things like that. Like those pictures that have images hidden inside the picture but you have to stare at it for three hours before you see it." He came and sat beside Shikamaru, his charcoal cloak billowing around him, pulling out the ceremonial dagger that Neji had stolen to try to kill Hidan with, then abandoned after he'd nearly killed Shika. Serious violet eyes looked up and locked onto dark, cautious ones. The spiky haired Jashinist hadn't moved from the spot he was dropped in, because his elder cult member was acting extremely strange. Not only had he not sworn since the fight ended, but the tone of his voice was so calm and level... Like he'd taken sanity pills this morning.

"You'll learn after a decade or so... Maybe sooner, since you catch onto shit so fast." He spun the weapon in his hand, staring at it almost somberly.

Shikamaru studied him. This wasn't right, it was just  _unnatural_  for the psycho to act this way. And now that he really thought about it, he hadn't seemed all that normal while they were battling either. What the hell could possibly get this kind of reaction from him?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He blurted out, causing only lightly surprised violet to snap up to him. That look was quickly replaced by obvious reluctance, Hidan chewing on the inside of his lip being the key tell.

"You said you remembered something. What did you mean? Like something you forgot to tell me about Jashin or what?"

"No. Well.. kind of. But not really."

"What the hell does that mean!?"

"Would you shut your fucking hole for a second!" The albino snapped, marveling Shikamaru with an even shorter fuse than usual. "I don't really know how to... explain it..."

The Nara took an irritated breath and let it out slowly. Explain.. he wanted to explain something. But really, what the hell could it be?

"Well.. what's it about?"

"...My past."

"Okay well why do you feel the need to explain your past all the sudden?"

Hidan looked up at him again with a distant, pained expression, and his heart immediately lurched with the realization that this topic, whatever it was, was something very personal and difficult to discuss for the immortal man. And this realization clicked on not only the Nara's curiosity, but it turned the lights back on in the vault where'd he'd shoved away his feelings for Hidan. Just that alone nearly made him want to reach out and hug the man. How could he have forgotten how hard he'd fallen?

Dammit.. the real question is how could he let himself remember? No matter how this visit lasted, it was still just a visit. And his Hidan would return back to the money-grubbing bastard of a man that he claimed to love.

"It's... about the day I... was reborn. I remembered it, and everything that happened before it... Made for a really shitty day actually." He half-chuckled at the last bit, a forced laugh if the Nara had ever heard one. Aside from that, Hidan lowered his gaze yet again, this time moving the blade of the dagger to his palm and slitting it open as if it were as natural an action as breathing.

 _It is natural for a Jashinist.._ Shikamaru reminded himself. But why would his Jashinist teacher feel the need to share that with him? Wouldn't he be more inclined to tell Kakuzu? Or was it just the need to be with someone of the same religion..

Hidan suddenly cleared his throat, slashing open his other palm and making a sacrificial circle in one fluid motion. "I think you're... uh.. what's the word.. You were a person once but you died, and now you're back."

Blinking, Shikamaru raised a brow. "Reincarnated?"

"Yeah! That's it."

"Uh.. okay. I didn't know Jashinists believed in that sort of stuff."

"We don't. But... dammit this is going to sound so fucking stupid..."

"Just say it."

Hidan looked up at him again, in a way he'd never been regarded by the zealot before. It was as if Shikamaru wasn't just 'Pineapple head', as if he wasn't just another Jashinist, as if he wasn't just a replacement for Kakuzu.

He looked at him like someone he loved. Someone he cared so deeply about that it almost hurt. Someone who's profound affection nearly haunted them..

"You were there."

The silence after this stretched on forever, Shikamaru himself absolutely reeling from the statement as well as the intense emotion that was just so wrong for Hidan to be exerting. In all the time they'd spent together that half a year ago, even with that last passionate kiss, those violet eyes had never looked so... so.. indescribably  _full_. It was like there was some previously hollow spot in them that had recently been filled. They looked complete, they looked bright, they looked... sane. There was no more confusion in his world, no more inner turmoil, no more questions still left floating around, unanswered. Every piece had clicked itself into place and he once again had a purpose, A  _Reason_  for being incapable of death.

"What do you mean?" He asked, at a loss for anything else to respond with other than sarcasm, which would undoubtedly piss the unusually calm man off.

"I mean, You were there. I remember it. It wasn't you... but it was. Hundreds of years...But it's like it was yesterday. I... I can't get it out of my head now..." He absently rolled the tip of the dagger in his bloody palm. Shikamaru stared emotionlessly at him, unable to completely process all this.

"You were the one who did it." Hidan said, just barely above a whisper.

"The one who did what?"

Eyes overflowing with anxiety and uncertainty flicked to his, locking Shikamaru in a gaze so heavy he almost felt as if he couldn't breath. "Made me immortal."

Again the world and everything that made sense exploded into chaotic oblivion. His first thought was naturally to deny it, to assume Hidan was crazy and screwing with him. But.. the zealot didn't look like he was kidding. In fact he looked just as disturbed by this as Shikamaru himself. He tried frantically to realign his thoughts, to trt and get himself to accept these questionable facts. But he couldn't, he simply couldn't believe such a wild story without going into further detail. As if hearing his thoughts, the immortal man took a deep breath and continued.

"Your name was different. I... I can't remember it... I should be able to but I can't. But it was definitely you. Your eyes, the hair, the face, your voice... everything. I know it was..." Suddenly he reached forward, snatching the Jashinist's wrist and quickly dragging the ridiculously sharp blade across his palm. The Nara hissed a breath in at the action, but started massaging the blood into a pool in his hand without even having to think about it.

"You traded your soul to save me after the villagers tried to burn me alive... " He continued, staring at Shika's pooling blood. "You.. killed and sacrificed our Master to do it. He was the first immortal, but you figured out how to do it.. I'm not surprised really, if anyone could it would be you." Once more their eyes met, Hidan's almost pleading, but for what the Nara was unsure. "You don't remember probably... We were both dying of disease. Street rats that ate other peoples trash just to survive, too weak from hunger and all the fucking sickness to take care of ourselves. The only thing that kept us alive was that we were still young. Still nothing more than poor beggars wearing nothing but rags... And then  _he_ came into town, praising Jashin aloud. They called him a heathen, a heretic, blasphemous and crazy. He was spouting nonsense, derailing all the bullshit they preached about their stupid fake God and offering them Jashin's bounty. Then they changed it to devil-worshipper, fatally possessed by Satan. The idiots. They all ganged up on him and bent him over a stump and ' _chkt_ '!" He said, running his flattened hand over his throat. " But he was still fucking alive! Laughing and cursing them as nothing but a fucking head!" He laughed the last part, staring distantly at the stone wall before his face creased up again. "You grabbed his head, and I dragged his body off. Even then you were a runt, and a stubborn bastard... I was the one that wanted to know more about Jashin. You only went along with it because I forced you..." He paused again, staring so deeply into the novice Jashinists eyes that he thought for a moment that the man was searching his very soul, looking for similarities and trying to convince himself that they were the same person.

"They thought we were going to eat him... so they just let us do it. Fucked up right? We talked to him for hours, waiting for his head to reattach itself. He told us all these stories about Jashin... Blessed us for helping. He said Jashin would heal us if we gave ourselves to him. He would help us punish all those who'd shunned us for who we were...That was the part that interested you. You were an angry, unforgiving little shit.. I don't know how you ended up like this.." He said, gesturing with a wave at Shika's body before his face fell into a scowl again. "Dammit. I can't remember his real name either. We just called him master. But he had the Byakugan... A Hyuga descendant..."

Shikamaru swallowed heavily at his, stopping in the middle of tracing the triangle. That's right, the first immortal had been related to Neji. That's why that whole curse was there. The curse he now held on himself... that wasn't turning out to be a curse so much as a blessing.

Wait a second...  _HE_ killed Neji's immortal ancestor!? In a past life apparently. To save Hidan... the streetrat friend he ran around with... It didn't add up. There was still something he was overlooking, something that was most likely glaringly obvious that Hidan hadn't yet mentioned or that he was just too flustered to notice.

"Anyway, he took us under his wing and started teaching us everything he could. After a few years our bodies got stronger, we looked like people again instead of rotting skeletons with skin. We had the strength to steal food instead of having to scavenge, He taught us how to hunt. You always made the traps, and you  _always_ caught something... It pissed me off, because you'd rub it in my face like the smug asshole you are. Sometimes you even set your dumb little traps in places where you knew I'd walk right into them..." Hidan's voice wavered, and Shika's chest cramped again. He couldn't just be making this up, the psycho would never be so heavily affected by a fake memory. But it was honestly hard to believe though, they'd been friends before he died. It was... it was so unbelievable that he had no choice to believe it.

"But I had to kill them. I did the carving and skinning while you threw up off to the side.. you wouldn't harm a fly, as fucking dead-set on revenge as you were. Not an innocent one at least.."

"What... happened to me?" Shikamaru asked quietly, nearly flinching away when Hidan tensed up and turned his gaze on him so slowly and cautiously that it was almost haunting. The silence before he spoke was so heavy and suffocating that even though it lasted only a second, he felt like he'd just grown a few years older.

"I don't know what made them decide to do it... I guess they'd had enough... I was coming back from skinning some squirrels... because the winter was coming and we had to stock up on fur. Then ten of the men, high standing guys in that stupid little shithole came up out of nowhere and surrounded me. They told me I was a soul lost from God, that I needed cleansed of my sins. I wasn't strong enough to fight off all of them, and I knew I couldn't just run and lead them back to our home or they'd get you too. And our master was out finding a sacrifice..." He took a shaky breath before continuing. "They dragged me to the center of town. Tied me to a post, pouring that disgusting stinking lard oil all over me... and set me on fire. It fucking hurt, I can still fucking feel it after nearly two hundred years..." He shivered, making the Nara's chest cramp yet again for a second. Burned alive... he was glad he didn't remember this..

"I prayed for Jashin to help me. I prayed for him to hurry up and kill me.. it took so long... it hurt for so long. I couldn't stop screaming, someone was shouting at me, telling me to repent and be saved before I was damned to hell. Stupid fucking hypocritical judgemental homophobic bastards... I'm glad I killed them all..."

Shikamaru blanched. Did he say homophobic? That meant... but wait, that couldn't... no _. No way!_

That was the last straw, it must've been. Back in those times when murder was not murder as long as you were different. Not only were the two boys homeless begging disease ridden orphans, they were taken in by the immortal spawn of the devil, and to top it all off they did things that men 'shouldn't ever do together...'

Dear Jashin... It was all starting to make sense. That.. that was why Hidan had had such a strange interest in him from the moment they met. Why he had fucked with Neji so much. Seeing the two of them together had brought back feelings from a past he didn't remember.

It was why he'd ended up unknowingly seeking Shikamaru out after Kakuzu's disappearance, why he hadn't killed him right away. Why he'd agreed to devote himself, why he'd kissed him in the middle of their prayer... It all stemmed from the memories that had been blocked from his conscious mind as a protective shield, bubbling there in his subconscious and making his feel things and do things without really understanding why. Hidan really  _did_  have a reason for everything he did... he just didn't realize it.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit! Jashin you evil devious fucking bastard!

"Hidan..." He said gently, surprising himself when he leaned forward and grabbed the strong, pale jaw and forcing their eyes to meet. "You didn't answer my question."

The blanket of pain that cloaked the psycho's eyes immediately had him assuming he had died. But... that was pretty obvious. One can't be reincarnated without losing their life in the first place. However the circumstances of his death must have been dramatic. Something that damn near haunted the usually unbreakable zealot.

"You gave your soul to save mine... Jashin wanted it..."

Shikamaru's lips parted in understanding. Oh... oh wow. That couldn't be right, he was assuming wrong. Jashin wouldn't do that, surely he couldn't be so cruel to one of his very first desciples...

"It was a test of faith, I think. To make sure I was worthy of his gift... He made me. Possessed my body and forced me to do it." His voice caught, and he cleared his throat, closing his eyes tightly.

Shikamaru tried to keep himself breathing calmly, resisting the urge to reach out and console the uncharacteristically vulnerable psycho.

So he was a reincarnation of Hidan's first lover? A perfect copy, it sounds like. A Hyuga had been their master, which explained why, before Hidan, he'd only ever had eyes for Neji. And why there was always the overwhelming desire to protect him, why everything that happened to the Hyuga had been deemed as his fault though there was no logical reason why... he felt the subconscious guilt from killing his ancestor..

And why, even though Hidan was bound by Jashin to kill Neji, he had always held back. He hadn't been able to just walk up to him and kill him there and then. Why he'd slowly tortured them, it was a way to delay the command given by the slaughter God. It was why he'd wanted to give up his faith and just be their friend... and why Jashin couldn't allow it.

It explained why Jashin wanted Shikamaru so badly.. Holy hell the slaughter God had probably been watching him all his life, waiting for the day he'd have a chance. He had been a disciple before, maybe all along. He just had to willingly offer himself...

 _"You're so noble, my child. Quite a feat considering all you've been through."_ Jashin had said to him. He had saved his dying lovers life before, getting himself killed. And now hundreds of years later he was still putting himself second.

 _'Your soul is far too precious.'_ Because he'd saved it all these years. Finally putting it back in reality because...because why? That had yet to be explained.

But that was why he'd been so confident in Hidan's feelings. That was why he'd allowed him to take on the curse.

And then when oblivious fucking Hidan had tried to walk away and go to Kakuzu, he'd returned his memory. Revealing everything. Connecting every single thread that had been left hanging loose. Explaining every little detail, things even the keen mind of Shikamaru Nara had overlooked.

They had been Jashinists from the start. Both of them.

They were  _meant_  to be together. There was nothing any longer that Jashin was going to let get in the way of that.

"Holy shit..." He muttered, lost in thought. Whether he'd snapped or not, he didn't know. But a part of him could almost remember it. He could imagine like he'd been there.

Back when you were lucky to live past your forties... he would have been a teenager, he could see it so perfectly. Rags for clothes, living under an outcropping beside a disgusting creek, shivering from the chill of the rain, looking into a pair of dark eyes so utterly black that they looked more like holes that could suck you right in...

"You...you're eyes were black. Like coal..." He said breathily, eyes like saucers as they stared into the now amethyst.

Hidan's facial expression mimicked his. "You can remember?"

"I.. I don't know. I don't remember it really... it's more like a book that I read once. I can remember it like something someone put into my head... Like a realistic dream where you can't tell if it actually happened or not."

Hidan burst into hysterical laughter then, making Shikamaru jump so violently that his butt left the stoney floor. He stared incredulously at the albino, who looked almost in pain with how hard he laughed.

"What's so fucking funny!?" He almost shouted, a strange anger flaring up slightly. Why the fuck would he be laughing? Did he actually make it up? Was it all some ridiculously detailed hoax that Shika had walked right into?

"Everything! All of it!" He said between gasps. "It's like the fucked up shit right out of some cheesy fucking teenage girl romance novel!" He grabbed Shikamaru suddenly by the shoulders and brought his face close, all joviality gone. "History repeats itself. Except this time you and that damn brain of yours. You fixed the problem from last time. You found the fucking loophole and fixed everything without even knowing what you were doing, without me knowing what you were doing, without me knowing what  _I_  was fucking doing."

He grinned finally, the signature Hidan grin that had somehow now taken on a whole new meaning, gained so much more depth that Shikamaru ever thought possible. A shiver ran down his spine, and his pulse raced. No, it wasn't a game, or a joke. It wad just such a bizarre situation that even a psycho couldn't help but laugh.

"The perfect Jashinist. Still manipulating hundreds of years after you're gone. No wonder he wanted you so bad..." He licked his lips, and Shikamaru's inside turned upside down. Holy fuck he'd forgotten Hidan's ability to do this to him. And damn did he miss it.

"No wonder  _I_  want you so bad..."

 _That's it!_ His inner voice screamed, all patience and rationalization shattering into a million pieces. The only thing reflecting the utter chaos inside his head was the his suddenly heavy breathing.

Kakuzu could go fuck himself. Hidan would be his, it was decided. It had been decided centuries ago. That old bastard didn't have a chance in hell, this was fate he was dealing with now. He wanted it, Hidan wanted it, and goddammit he didn't care who he had to kill or how he had to do it, but this man was his. End of story.

Rocking forward, he snatched the daggar from Hidan's lap and slipped the blade across his tongue in one smooth movement. There had to be blood exchange for the sacrifice to work, mainly his. And this way he could force Hidan into . It would be literally impossible for the satal masochist to resist.

He grabbed the back of his fellow Jashinist neck, pulling him a little harder than he meant to toward him.

Hidan didn't resist at all and suddenly Shikamaru was on his back, lips pressed against bloody lips with all of the zealots weight pushing down on him, pushing away his surprise at the albinos eagerness and wondering why he'd even expected resistance in the first place. He'd just fucking told him point blank that he wanted Shikamaru.

He moaned into it, not even ashamed this time as he lifted the dagger still in his hands and plunged it into Hidan's slowly darkening back. The now black and white skinned man ripped his mouth from Shika's in an ecstatic yelp of mixed pain and pleasure, his back arching and pressing his groin against the Nara's as he yanked the ceremonial tool out and lifted it up to his own mouth, pausing to give Hidan a mischievous grin.

The zealot had not seen him in his ritual skin before, and quite frankly the thought of both of them having it activated in the heat of this moment was making him painfully excited in the lower regions.

A dark glee flashed in those violet eyes, the skeletal marks on his chest heaving from expectation as he silently dared the Nara to do it.

Jashin would still count it right? As long as Shikamaru himself did most of the bleeding.

Well, he would fucking have to. Because there was no way in any of the existing hells that he was going to pass up this opportunity. This was probably what the devious God had been expecting anyway. Like they were really just going to exchange some blood and be merrily on their way... Yeah, riiiiight. Not with their history that he hadn't actually even known existed until a few moments ago.

The corner of his mouth crooking up, he stuck his tongue out and licked the blade slowly, starting at the base and twisting the tip sharply when he reached it to further stimulate his own blood flow.

Hidan's breath hitched and his eyes nearly bulged out, and the newest immortal beneath him smiled and closed his eyes as that pleasant wave of Jashin's power settled over him. His skin darkened to match the man on top of him and almost in slow motions the white, Voodoo-esque markings faded in.

Shikamaru ritual look differed greatly from Hidan's, in the way that instead of bulky, thick markings, his were made more of slender designs that curved and flowed in an almost feminine, but still inherently masculine, design.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2nu6df8)

Rough hands slid inside Shikamaru's vest, up his abdomen, over his chest, along his collarbone and up his neck to his hairline. With a small tug, his hair was pulled loose of it's ponytail and the albino pressed himself ever harder into him, making the Nara moan almost inaudibly as the pain from the rocky floor pushing into him converted itself to pleasure.

"Fucking beautiful..." he muttered, lips brushing against Shikamaru as he spoke and sending another ripple of arousal through his body.

"What about Kakuzu?" Shikamaru whispered back, half-lidded.

"Fuck Kakuzu..." The demon above him breathed, closing the miniscule distance between their mouths. He moaned out loud at the amazing thrill those two words sent ricocheting around in his head, and then again when the devilish tongue snaked its way into his mouth, rubbing against the cuts he'd made on his own, little pinches of pain that turned to glorious sparks of pleasure.

His hips bucked slightly, getting ground into so wonderfully hard by Hidan's after a muffled growl from deep in the sadists throat.

Oh Jashin, this was so perfect. It couldn't be any more so. They literally were meant to each other, the psycho and the genius, bound together for eternity. Was there anything more teeth-rottingly sweeter than that?

He clamped down on Hidan's lower lip, smirking at the groan it received and revelling in the taste of copper that leaked into his mouth. Hidan shifted after pulling from Shika's grip and bared his teeth in a twisted smile, rolling his hips and diving down to the Nara's exposed neck simultaneously, chuckling at the gasp that slipped from his once-again lover when those unique fangs cut into coal-colored skin.

Abandoning the dagger, Shikamaru reached up to Hidan's shoulderblades, raking his nails all the way down the taught, muscled back and sneaking the edges of his fingers inside Hidan's pantline. He followed the material around the edges, ghosting the tips of his fingers over hipbones, and smiling at the shiver that rippled through the no-longer-albino on top of him.

 _Hah. I can do it too._ He thought victoriously. Hidan wasn't the only one who could get people hot and bothered.

The elder immortal pushed himself backward, lifting himself off Shikamaru and giving him access to the zipper while running his own tongue diagonally up the Nara's stomach and chest, wrapping those wicked lips around his nipple.

Shikamaru's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head at the act, and he moaned loudly, resisting the urge to arch into it. That would make it rather difficult to get these fucking pants off, now wouldn't it?

He fiddled frantically with the first button, receiving a chuckle from Hidan. He lifted his head back up and pressed himself against his desperate partner, pinning his hands temporarily between their crotches.

"Calm down, we have all the time in the world."

"I want you now."

"Hmm. That makes you  _my_  slave now, doesn't it?"

"Shut up and take your fucking pants off." He growled, forcing himself up and the grinning idiot on top of him back. Mercifully he got the button undone and the zipper down, immediately yanking the material down and exposing Hidan's member. He wrapped a hand around it and looked up at the lusty noise that sounded. Hidan had let his head fall back, and the single flickering torch on the wall cast an angelically evil glow on his demonized skin.

Oh  _Jashin_ , you beautifully cruel and gracious son of a bitch.

He pressed his head to the zealots defined abs, absently stroking the rock-hard appendage. Calloused hands slid up his arm and over his shoulder, coming rest on the crook of his neck. He shivered at the touch.

How could he keep something to wonderful from happening for so long? The world could be an entirely new place if Jashin had let the two of them run wild together. He would have people /begging/ to be sacrificed, people praying to the slaughter God just to let them experience the unholy bliss that Shikamaru was feeling right now.

Why prevent it for so long? Why let Shikamaru be reborn, waiting for twenty-so years for him to convert instead of sparing the already devoted Shikamaru from back then?

The kind of things they could have done, the kind of lives they could have lead, the pain they could have been spared...

He closed his eyes, pushing the thought away.  _Don't get yourself depressed. If you cry on him again he'll never let it go._

Steeling himself with a deep breath, he pulled back for a moment before curling himself further, taking Hidan into his mouth.

"Ooh fuck.." He heard, trying not to smile lest he choke himself. Fingers tangled into his hair and pushed him further, while the ebony hips rocked into it. He breathed in deep through his nose, damn, he didn't remember it feeling this big last time.

_Don't embarrass yourself by gagging you pansy._

He clenched his eyes shut, focusing on the thought, the priest was doing all the work for him anyway...

The thrusts grew harder, shoving it deeper and deeper while Hidan moaned lowly above him.

Ten seconds of this had his own blood-laced drool leaking from the corners of his mouth. Twenty seconds had him on the verge of throwing up while the blunt head of Hidan's cock slammed into the back of his throat.

His stomach rolled, and just before he was about to embarrass himself his head was yanked backward, and he was pushed to the ground again as he gasped for air.

His jeans were nearly ripped off while the demon hungrily licked his lips.

"I'm gonna fucking destroy you..." He growled, somehow managing to gracefully maneuver his own pants off.

Shikamaru inhaled sharply at the remark, and entire new wave of arousal and victory sweeping over him. He had Hidan so horny he was almost getting pissed.

Leaning over him, Hidan drug his tongue from the very base of Shikamaru's standing length up his stomach, chest, throat, and chin. With a deep moan the younger grabbed and yanked on silver tresses, pulling him into a deep kiss and scratching as hard as he could down the skeletal chest. Blood smeared from the fresh wounds as he slid his hand back up, wincing at the slight chafing of Hidan's shaft rubbing between his cheeks.

Mm, never in a millions years would he have thought the prospect of being unprepared would turn him on. It was practically a guarantee with the sadist, and he would know, seeing as this was the third time this scenario had happened, and they'd both gotten over any false pretense of modesty.

Hidan's lips moved down the side of his face, a sharp bite to his ear had Shikamaru hissing in a breath and craning his neck while the zealots mouth closed around the vampire bite, sucking viciously. Shifting his weight over the Nara, he balanced himself on one arm while the other roamed over perfectly unmarred skin, thanks to the speedy healing he'd passed to the novice Jashinist.

Lean thighs raised themselves and squeezed Hidan's rocking hips, begging for his hand to go just a little lower. Shikamaru could hardly stand the tease of the murderous hands ghosting over him, coming so close to that erect organ but then slipping away.

Of course the bastard was a tease... Why the fuck wouldn't he be?

Finally it was gripped tightly, receiving something between a moan and yelp from bloodstained lips. Hidan smirked at him, leaning forward as if about to give another kiss, but stopping short, only running the devilishly pink tongue in a circle around the crimson smear.

"Oh my..J-jashin..." He stuttered, receiving a yank down below. This was ridiculous, he wouldn't be able to stand much more before he just attacked the fucking psycho and fucked the hell out of him.

And maybe that's what he wanted...?

He licked his own lips, having made up his mind to get himself on top just before sharp teeth sunk into his inner thigh.

This one actually received an ecstatic shout from the younger, all planning abandoned for the moment as that devious, vulgar mouth drank in the running blood and ran his tongue up, somehow managing to smirk up at Shikamaru with his tongue out and not look like anything other than a fucking sex god.

The pink muscle flexed, pressing against his leaking tip, and Shikamaru lost control of his muscles at the ripple of pleasure. His eyes rolled and closed in time with a long groan, and his head fell back onto his propped shoulders.

Oh holy shit, he was putting it in his mouth. Oh fuck, Oh Jashin he wouldn't be able to take it...

He had to look, oh FUCK that felt so good, He absolutely had to see Hidan with his dick in his mouth.

He cracked an eye open, immadiatly assaulted with the most beautifully dirty fucking image he'd ever eyes bored into him, watching him watch, amused by it, aroused by it.

Oh dear sweet baby Jashin, He lied, he couldn't keep looking or he'd explode right there and then.

"Hidan.."

"Mmmm?"

"Lay down."

With a sickly sweet popping sound, Hidan tilted back, grinning widely and running his tongue up the side of his mouth. "Ahh riding bitch now Pineapple head?"

Growling, Shikamaru shot forward, twisting his body and pushing a little chakra into his arms so he had the strength to actually grab Hidan by the shoulders, turn him, and slam him onto the ground, immediately climbing on top.

Hidan gave a lusty half-growl-half-laugh, grabbing the Nara by the ass and forcing their mouths together again, kissing hungrily through a smile at the needy little squeal the new immortal made when he slapped both cheeks so hard his fingers went momentarily numb.

His hands slid to the blood still leaking from the man's thigh, smearing it down onto his throbbing erection.

Shikamaru broke away finally, leaning forward until his chest hovered over Hidan's face, sucking in another quick breath when a tongue flicked over his nipple again while the zealot positioned himself, feeling the foreboding pressure against his hole. He closed his eyes tightly, it wouldn't even hurt this time, he knew. The still activated ritual would ensure nothing but pleasure.

His heart nearly beating out his ribcage, he lowered himself, eyes snapping open wide at the explosion of... God he couldn't even describe it! Double ritual mode sex was quite literally mind blowing, reflections upon reflections of each other feeling this soul-crushing ecstasy... Dear fucking Jashin it was almost too much. He couldn't talk, he couldn't even make noise, and there was no way in hell his body would stop reeling from the bliss long enough to listen to any command he gave it.

"Oohh fuuuck you better start moving..." Hidan groaned, grabbing Shikamaru by the waist and forcing him to do just that. The younger was doing everything he could not to cry out, focusing on his breathing, fighting's Hidan's rough shoving as much as he could. It had to last, he had to make it last because as soon as it was over his very soul would pour out of him, nothing that felt this good could possibly be survivable.

"Oh GOD slow down!" He all but shouted, getting nothing in response but a hard buck beneath him, making him moan like the woman Hidan kept accusing him of being.

The immortal below him suddenly sat up, propping himself on one locked arm and using the other to keep manipulating Shika's ass. The continuous throaty grunts coming from him only made the younger more excited, knowing what he was doing to the man.

_Suck on that Kakuzu. You dick._

Gritting his teeth, he rocked faster, rewarded by a hand suddenly wrapping itself around his neglected appendage.

"Oh fuckdamn!" He cried, far too consumed in the moment to even think about how hilariously stupid he must've sounded.

Hidan did growl out a small laugh, but nothing more. "Jashin fucking Hell Pineapple head, it's like you're a virgin again."

"Stop talking." He breathed back. Really, the zealot couldn't shut his mouth  _ever,_ could he?

Hidan's lips pulled back over animalistic teeth, not so much in a sneer or grimace as a 'I'm-about-to-lose-it' expression. In one motion that was somehow far more graceful that it should have been, he tore his propped arm from under himself and grabbed a chunk of Shikamaru's hair, pulling him into a kiss and taking him down along with him as his back flattened onto the ground again.

A deep groaning snarl ripped up his throat, and Shikamaru's eyes clenched shut as his own body stiffened against their mutual release. Stars exploded behind closed lids, everything lurched and swung, like he was on a rollercoaster while drunk out of his mind, and he pressed himself harder onto the albino, clutching at his chest with bloodied nails as everything flipped and whirled around him.

Holy Jashin in fucking heaven above, he was literally going to die from pleasure. Every time he thought the feeling was fading it reflected back again from Hidan, and endless circle of agonizing perfection. The man beneath him groaned, expressing the same feeling, and Shikamaru distantly realized that Hidan was holding him so tightly that he couldn't breathe.

He pushed away half a millimeter, enough to draw a breath in before collapsing back to his original position, fully exhausted from just the miniscule movement.

Oh goddamn, that was so good it bordered on terrifying... He made a mental note not to go quite so crazy next time, smiling at the consolation that there  _would_  be a next time, even if he had to tie Hidan up and rape him..

Oh.. shit. He pushed the image from his head. This was not anything close to a good time to think of such things.

"Hidan.." He slurred out on the heaving chest, getting a delayed grunt in response.

"If you fucking leave again... I'll kill us both."

He had honestly meant it kind of jokingly at first, but as the silence drug on between them, broken only by their heavy breathing, he realized how much he actually meant that. He wouldn't tolerate losing Hidan. Not after everything he'd been through, not only in this life, but the previous one as well. He deserved Hidan, the man was rightfully his. What the hell had that fucking idiot Kakuzu ever sacrificed aside from stupid money?

He didn't care if he had to take on the entire world, he had the power of Jashin, he had the motivation of that four-letter L word, and he had more anger stored up inside him than was humanly possibly to fuel him, should he need it.

"I won't..." Hidan replied in a mumble so low, Shikamaru wouldn't have heard it if his ear wasn't pressed into the mans throat. And he was suddenly rolled to the side, blinking as the ritual ended and their skin faded to its original color in perfect synch.

Hidan sat up and arched his upper body until a series of cracks echoed across the chamber.

Shikamaru scrambled up to his hands and knees, tackling the man over to the side and locking their lips together when he opened his mouth to complain. It was nothing more than a suspended peck, but somehow just as meaningful as the entire session they'd just had.

Shikamaru finally pulled away, laughing gently at the glazed look in the violet eyes he'd grown so u reasonably fond of. "I ...love you..." He all but whispered, thinking it sounded so terribly,  _beautifully_  wrong that it gave him a rush. There it was, he finally said it out loud. Not even in private had he ever even considered trying the phrase out, feeling how adorably awkward the words tumbled from him.

Hidan's eyes snapped back to attention, again he stared without a single clue as to what thoughts were going on in that insane mind of his. Seconds stretched to minutes, and Shikamaru stared right back, he was beyond humility. He didn't care whether the zealot said it back or not, he was so damned proud of himself for admitting it in the first place that nothing could ruin the moment.

"That's not fair..." Hidan whispered, making the novice leaning over his chest raise a brow.

"What's not fair?"

"Saying that to me."

"...Why?" He said, straightening up and trying to cut off the small trickle of irritation before he ruined the moment himself.

"Last time you said that to me you died."

surprised both himself and the albino by laughing. "What are you talking about? That makes it  _more_ fair. I can't die now, remember?"

Hidan considered this, and seemed to be struggling to relax as he sat himself up too. "Hm. Fucking making shit awkward. You never used to do that, you know."

Shikamaru smiled and chuckled softly again before standing and moving over to slip back into his clothes, failing miserably to wipe his own sticky mess of his stomach. "It's only weird if you make it."

Fuck, he'd have to go break into the athletic club tonight and shower... Maybe he'd take Hidan with him.

He continued smiling to himself, amused that his mind had skipped over the showering scenario and jumped straight into thinking up all the different forms of havoc they could wreak on the building. It seemed his Jashinist side had broken from it's cocoon finally.

"Hey."

"What?"

He'd just finished putting his hair back in its usual ponytail when arms wrapped around him from behind and a cheek pressed against his ear, lips brushing softly on the point where his neck became shoulder. He stiffened only briefly before forcing the tension from himself. It was  _exactly_  the same as one of the dreams he'd had all those six months ago. The one where Jashin spoke in his bodiless voice.  _"This is my gift to you.."_  He had said...

"I... I do too.." Hidan breathed.

"You do what?" He whispered back, pulse racing once again. He knew what he meant, he was far from an idiot. But their relationship was based off the constant teasing they did to each other, and not only would making the mostly shameless priest say the words out loud make him horribly uncomfortable, but he also just wanted him to say it. If he'd say it just this once... he'd never ask again...

"You know what I mean.."

"I don't think I do."

"Don't push me Pineapple head.. it's.. hard."

"Then just pretend I didn't die."

The body pressed against him shifted nervously, sighed deeply, and lifted his mouth to where Shikamaru could feel hot breath inside his ear canal. And he whispered so quietly that it would sound like nothing more than a breath to anyone who wasn't as close at the Nara was himself.

" _I love you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shrugs* First Lemon I actually wrote on my own.


	3. The Trouble With Faith

_I love you._

Jashin he could start crying. He really could, and Hidan could tease him until his throat bled. He honestly wouldn't even care.

Beautiful, indescribably beautiful. Those three words were more breathtaking gorgeous than anything this earth had to offer visually. Words of compassion and care coming from the mouth of someone so accustomed to pain an misery that they had become the embodiment of it.

_I love you._

His heart was going to explode into dust from the magnitude of the statement. Some people threw the words around carelessly, ruining any kind of special meaning they may hold, turning them more into poison than anything else. But Hidan didn't. Hidan with his child-like sincerity in such matters would never say such a dangerous word to anyone he did not truly care for. And Shikamaru himself would not only never say it, but wouldn't tolerate hearing it until he knew for a fact that it were 100% true.

_I love you._

Shikamaru ran his hands through his hair, yawning as he finger-combed it up into a ponytail. He stared boredly into the dirty mirror, going through a mental list of to-do's, constantly distracted by the repeating phrase Hidan whispered to him in his thoughts, like his mind were a tape player.

Letting his arms fall to his sides, he sighed, watching his reflection do the same with the small crook at the edge of his mouth.

Life was good. Life was better than good. It was perfect. He quite literally could not ask for more, and he couldn't possibly sacrifice enough souls to repay Jashin for this wonderfully convoluted scheme he'd worked up. He honestly had no other idea how to thank him aside from just saying 'Thank you.'

He blinked then, small smile disappearing as he squinted and leaned in closer to the mirror with one brow raised in question. He turned his face side to side, pulling his eyelids open for a second and then rubbing them shut, peeking at it again afterward.

Hmm... He was pretty sure he never had that weird little ring around his pupil. Like his already-small-to-begin-with iris's had gone from black to a burnt charcoal... not really a huge difference, but curious all the same.

His nose crinkled briefly at his reflection, who made the same face back, before he turned and began slipping into clean clothes.

_I love you._

Again his lips curled involuntarily. He didn't think he could ever get tired of hearing it, even though it would most likely never be said aloud again. Especially since Hidan had taken off the same night.

.

_"You really can't even wait till morning?" Shikamaru had said, admittedly whining just a little._

_"The sooner I get it over with the better. It's not gonna be easy pineapple head.. he's going to fucking kill me." Hidan replied, scrubbing blood from his chest on the edge of Shikamaru's cot. They'd skipped the showering idea and instead retreated to the Nara's small secret base. The zealot was dead-set on leaving immediately, but for obvious reasons thought it best to clean up first. Scratch and bite marks couldn't really be explained away as remnants of their battle._

_"Maybe I should tag along then. He's scared of me."_

_"He ain't fucking scared of a twig like you."_

_"He knows I could kill the shit out of him if I really wanted too."_

_"Doesn't mean he's scared of you."_

_"Well. I'll have to work on that then."_

_Hidan snorted at this and stood, handing the damp, blood-stained rag to the younger Jashinist. "Get your cat-scratches off my back will'ya?"_

_Shikamaru took it, staring quizically down at it before looking back up only to see a mop of silver hair. "Cat scratches?" He questioned to Hidan's back, scrubbing at the nearly healed claw marks._

_"Yeah, cause you're like a kitten."_

_"How the fuck am I like a cat?"_

_"Because, moron. You just are."_

_His eyes narrowed as he finished wiping the dried blood away. He supposed he could take that as some kind of weird compliment from the psycho. He could kind of understand it, because kittens were harmless and innocent on first glance. Piss them off and they pull out their claws... but give them affection and they return it twofold. Independently dependent beings, they don't_ need _you, but prefer the company._

_Huh... weird. He'd never been compared to a cat before. Honestly he didn't think it was accurate, but it was cute for the cult member to mention it. He settled with smiling and shaking his head, until he remembered what was going on. Scatterbrained much?_

_"How long is this going to take?"_

_Hidan gave an irritated sigh and whirled, slapping the rag from his lovers hand and glaring. "I'm going to have to break you of that shit if this is ever gonna work out."_

_Shikamaru grimaced. First he called him a cat and now he was 'breaking' him like a freaking horse?_

_"I'm not an animal. And what are you talking about?"_

_Hidan moved past him to grab the bloodied, torn cloak he'd first showed up in, shrugging into it. "Asking about time. How long for this? How long for that? Be here on this day within this hour. Rushing me, I can tolerate that shit from Kuzu usually but you... you're gonna fucking drive us both insane." He stepped forward to the slightly shorter man, putting his hands on his shoulders and leaning forward, violet eyes flicking back and forth between the Nara's as if interested in something about them. Finally he grunted in something between confusion and amusement and stepped around him._

_"Time doesn't mean shit anymore Pineapple head. Stop clinging to it like some mortal. Let yourself be free huh?" With that he gave the spiky-haired man a seductive smile, announced that he would be back shortly, and was sucked into a tarry puddle that faded in and out of existence on cue. Shikamaru had sat staring at the spot where he disappeared. Kuzu, ugh... That bastard didn't deserve such a cute nickname. How had that old fuck ended up with_ Kuzu _while Shikamaru ran around as Pineapple head?_

_He sighed heavily, and went about gathering his personal things so he could go find somewhere to clean himself up._

.

That had been two days ago. Still the novice immortal was baffled by his lovers last statement. Hidan had said things similar to that more times than he could count, and yet for some reason this time it actually sank in. Just saying it was easy enough, but actually doing it? That was another story. Humans were mentally trained to attune themselves to time, weaved their entire existence around a clock and it's numbers. When to get up, when to eat, when to go to work, when to go home, everything was about time and lengths of it. How the fucking hell could Hidan expect him to just spontaneously stop keeping track of it?

And besides, so what if they had all the time in the world? Jashin knows that Hidan had the patience of a toddler, who the hell was he to preach such things to him?

"Psycho.." He laughed, yanking on his boots and then clipping his belt and accompanying little sash pouch around his waist. After the last small effort of slipping the glove with the summoning seal for his scythe, seeing as tattoos wouldn't last on his superhuman self healing body, he too melted down into a puddle of shadow ooze. Not having an actual open entrance on his little headquarters made it much more secure, as well as gave him an excuse to use his fast-travel Jutsu. It was hell on his chakra reserves, but damn was it fun.

* * *

 

Well.. he had time to kill. Jashin didn't need another soul for a few weeks, he had plenty of cash stocked up.

Hmm... he supposed he might as well start researching for his next sacrifice. He still had two backup targets that were supposedly keeping residence in this place that would suffice... but the longer he stayed here, the worse chance there was for the police to catch on to what he was doing. His law firm hadn't been very happy when he spontaneously walked into the office and told his supervisor to go fuck himself. And then by some miracle they got off their ignorant asses and actually found out about all the insane shit that had happened those last few weeks of his previous life, and witnesses could put him at the scene of ALL of it, along with Itachi Uchiha, the man who'd murdered his family some years ago, Kisame Hoshigaki, who'd apparently been part of some  _other_  secret organization and killed them all after finding out they'd deceived him before joining Akatsuki, and a man who miraculously seemed to have absolutely nothing other than multiple witness reports to prove he existed.

So yeah... he sort of had a little outstanding warrant. As far as law enforcement was concerned he was a part of Akatsuki, and most of the country still believed that because the little club was made of extremely powerful ex-criminals, they were bad news, even though they were quite literally the opposite.

Idiots.

However.. Hidan and himself were another story. Someone finds out about his situation, that he's murdering people to satiate a God most average people had never heard of... they'd come after him with everything they had.

Shikamaru had basically become an organized serial killer, no matter what direction you came at the situation from.

This train of thought of course put a damper on his mood, and also reminded him why he no longer had the luxury of being lazy. Nope, He had his sacrifice from this area, and he needed to move on.

Of course, he had to wait for Hidan's return, which left him back at square one, wondering how to pass the time.

So... time... passing it... Damn. Why couldn't he think of anything? How did Hidan do this?

What disturbed him the most was the fact that he was actually upset that he  _had_  free time. Nearly three years ago he would have killed to have a second or so to himself to just sit and do nothing... What the hell had happened to him?

Hah... dumb question.

Hidan had happened.

His eyes flicked up from the sidewalk as he walked, releasing a sigh.

_Well Jashin? Got any ideas?_

A small tug at his awareness had him instantly smiling. The slaughter God was being unusually kind lately, it seemed. He knew that feeling, it happened normally whenever Hidan needed him. Like when he'd been attacked by Neji...

Wait a second.

Oh damn. Hidan needed him?!

He stopped, blinking hard and standing still as a statue, waiting for another pull.

5 long seconds went by, and his brows furrowed in concern. He turned, scanning the streets and the people behind him as if the answer lie there.

"Excuse me..."

He turned to the meek feminine voice, finding a dark haired woman with green eyes suddenly in front of him. She was standing uncomfortably close, and he took a step back, clearing his throat to cover the awkwardness of her sudden appearance.

"Uhm. Can you help me please?" She said, large emerald eyes looking as if she were about to burst into tears.

"Uh..." He said, too busy trying to figure out this situation to feel like an idiot for such a lame response.

"I need someone's help, you look like a jutsu user. These men took my purse, it has my entire life in it, cellphone, passport, license, credit cards. They ran off down that alley but it's a dead end."

He felt a single brow raise on his otherwise blank face. Everything about this woman screamed 'this is abnormal'. For one, she was way too calm to have just been mugged. And two, unless you're a jutsu user yourself and can sense chakra, there's no physical way to tell the difference between average people and those capable of jutsu.

"Sorry lady.." He said, moving to step around her. He didn't feel guilty about turning down someones request for help. He wasn't the same kind-heart person anymore, after all. He killed people. "That's the police's job."

A delicate hand shot out and slapped around his wrist, tugging slightly. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" She cried, making him turn back and regard her as if she'd just revealed herself to have a horribly deadly, contagious disease.

"I need  _you."_ She said must softer, staring hard at him before she silently lifted her free hand up and tucked her loose hair behind her ear. His eyes followed the action, to his own irritation. And for half a second there he wanted to burst into laughter at the immediate conclusion he came to that this girl was trying to get with him. The poor thing, did she really just stand here on the streets all day waiting for attractive men to walk by?

But then he saw it, a tattoo just under her earlobe, perfectly hidden unless you looked at her from this exact angle and she brushed her hair back in that exact way to draw your attention to it.

A circle with an upside down triangle.

This woman was a Jashinist.

Huh...

His own hand absently reached up to clutch at his rosary, suddenly self-conscious of wearing it out there for the whole world to see. Jashinism was a  _secret,_ this woman must think him an idiot for.. Bah.. no wait. Who cares? Hidan did the same, going even so far as to shout Jashin's name and randomly attack people in broad daylight with no regard for any secrecy. He and Shikamaru's  _job_  was to spread the word, that wouldn't work very well if they kept their identities hidden.

The woman gave him a venomous smile at his action. "Please, I need your aid...sir."

He swallowed hard, what was the protocol for dealing with other Jashinists that approached you on the street? He only knew one, and that of course was the psycho. Honestly it was kind of surreal to be speaking with this woman right now. First of all, she was a girl. Why this was so strange, he wasn't entirely sure. Girls just didn't strike him as the 'death, slaughter, destruction' type, you could say. Though he'd met plenty of terrifyingly violent women in his lifetime... maybe it was kind of sexist for him to have such a thought.. and why was he thinking about this anyway?

Damn, he couldn't keep his mind on track today...

"Erm.. well. I guess. Which alley is it?"

"Just this one right over here." Without letting go of his wrist she spun. dragging him with an unexpected sturdiness a few yards in the direction he'd been walking and then turning quickly through a small gate of a wooded fence that he assumed was supposed to keep the alley closed off to passersby. Of course thugs would use it for their own good though, idiots.

"It's just down here..." She muttered, an ominous tone taking over her voice.

His mind suddenly sparked into realization. This alley was empty as fuck. And it wasn't a dead end at all like she'd said. In fact it was a really big alley, like a junction that split out on all four sides of the block. There was a black van parked in the center.

Son of a bitch. What the fuck was going on here?

Stopped then, a small amount of anger trickling into his veins as he dug his heels into the dirt and wrenched his hand away from hers, glowering when she looked back.

"What the fuck are you up to here bitch?" He said, surprised by the smile that overcame her.

"Listen to you... you even talk like him. Amazing.." She held her hand up, curling her fingers in a 'Come here' gesture over her shoulder, and then behind her the door slid open to the van and three more women stepped out, each of them looking manlier as well as tougher than the last.

He squinted first at the dark haired girl in front of him, and then the other three making their way over.

Seriously... what the  _fuck_  was going on?

In a flash the green-eyed woman slipped behind him, grabbing both his wrists and yanking them backward and up and closing come cold metal around each snarled and tried to whirl around but the woman suddenly had his ankles bound as well. She was a quick little shit.

He lost his balance, falling to the ground in humiliation while the other three finally reached him, laughing above him while he bared his teeth.

"He's about as smart as him too. That was too easy..." One of them said in a disgustingly masculine voice.

"You stupid fucking whore.." He growled, "You really shouldn't piss me off."

"Listen to that! They could be twins huh?"

Anger flooded and he tried to push chakra into his hands, only to feel absolutely empty of it, as if it had simply evaporated into the air. he struggled in confusion for only a second before it dawned on him that it must be chakra-prohibiting metal the tied him with.

One of the woman knelt down, she had fiery hazel eyes and matching hair. She reached out, looking at him with a feigned fondness and stroked his cheek. "It's okay honey.. We know you don't like girls. We'll make it quick. Promise. Just don't struggle."

His eyes widened and face contorted in disgust before another wave of rage exploded in him. They wanted to  _screw him?_  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS GOING ON HERE!?

"I'm going to kill all of you." He said, surprised as how calm his voice came out, seeing as his insides felt like they were melting from the Power Jashin was pumping into him. These bimbo's were seriously fuking stupid if they were indeed Jashinists, and thought cutting off his chakra would make him suddenly defenseless.

"Huuush baby. We're not going to hurt you okay?" The kneeling bitch replied. "You sure are pretty though, isn't he girls? You don't look like a bastard, really.. but looks can be deceiving..."

That was it, smirking up at her, he flexed his arms, resisting the urge to burst out laughing when the metal snapped and clattered to the ground as if he just broken a toothpick. The kneeling womans face went slack, and she didn't even have time to gasp before he ripped the pike from his belt, extended it, curled his feet under him, and shoved it through her with as much power as he could muster. Pushing her up off the ground with the force, and yanking the weapon free from her ribcage as she soared briefly through the air, colliding with the alley wall and letting out a small choking noise before she collapsed to the dirt.

The other three woman stepped back, mouths hanging open in surprise.

"You stupid bitch..." He chuckled, studying the blood dripping from the pike. She was dead already, licking it off wouldn't do any good. But damn was he tempted anyway...

_Calm down Shika. This isn't a sacrifice. No reason to try to enjoy it._

But he did. He did enjoy it. Staring at the hunk of bleeding flesh and bones on the ground had adrenaline rushing his veins. His smile was slowly stretching wider and wider as he resisted the insane laughter itching at the back of his throat.

He twisted his foot then, snapping the metal handcuffs as easily as the last pair, and almost moaned as his chakra flowed back into him. More power, more means to destroy these girls. These stupid fucking girls.

" _Sacrificing a Jashinist is worth ten normal souls!"_ Hidan's voice suddenly rang in his head, and his brows flicked up in interest. Did they know this? These morons who'd tried to capture him and seduce him? Did they have any clue how much they'd just fucked themselves.

Apparently not, he reasoned, as the smallest woman, the one who'd approached him in the first place darted forward, snarling out nearly incoherent death threats.

"You all must be even newer than me if you think you're going to be able to capture me with  _that_  sorry excuse for a plan.." he muttered, sidestepping her and slashing the blade straight across her throat. Blood spurted and she gagged, crashing to the ground and convulsing with her hands clenched around a bleeding throat.

"And just charging me with no weapon or jutsu to back you up? You must be brain dead, seriously. Do you even know who I am?" He said down to the dyeing girl. Wondering briefly if it was even worth sacrificing any of these idiots. Jashin would probably spit them back out and bitch-slap him for sending him something so useless. Every other soul had been so tarnished with murder and other fucked up crimes of cruelty and sadism... While it's true that he had no idea who these ladies were, he seriously doubted they were anything other than novices, even more green than he was himself.

He looked back up to the other girls in interest. They only glared at him, and he couldn't help but laugh and twirl his pike in his hand. Ignorance is bliss... until you get yourself sacrificed to a demon god.

"So are you two followers of the Great and mighty Jashin too?" He called out, taking a step forward. They each took respective steps away from him, only fueling his disturbing glee at the situation.

"If so, I think I need to kill you. It's shameful for his disciples to be so useless. He has no need to troublesome gnats like you."

"Don't come any closer!" One of them boldly ordered, making him burst into laughter when she pulled out an old-school katana and lit it up with a chakra flame so bright red that he would swear it was pink.

"What're you going to do?  _Kill me?_ " He said between gasps. "I'd like to see you try, I really would."

Shadows came up from the ground under the woman, and she shrieked briefly before a dark tentacle yanked the weapon from her hand and constricted her body so tightly that her eyes nearly bulged from her head. The other girl suddenly burst into tears and tried to make a run for it.

Shikamaru sighed, rolling his eyes and sending a chakra pulse into his gloved hand. The new and improved triple-bladed scythe phazed into existence with a dark purple throb. He swung, forcing another small lunp of chakra to release it into extension mode. It slipped almost like a snake in the air over the van and on back down the alley, catching on something that the Nara reasoned was the woman after a short cry and gargling noise. He yanked it back, staring the still restrained woman in the eyes as her friends limp body came back, slamming into the ground, impaled with the scythe diagonally across her torso.

She squirmed, shaking her head and staring down at the corpse in a silent scream.

Shikamaru smirked, putting his foot on the body to hold it down while he pulled out his weapon, and letting it poof away back to it's hiding place before stepping forward. He regarded the girl with boredom and irritation as the adrenaline and anger leaked from him, taking with it the thrill of Jashin's power. This was no longer fun, especially since the realization that he'd just killed three people, three  _girls_ , without even bothering to sacrifice them. If he hadn't been a heartless killer before, he certainly was now.

 _They were threatening your life..._ A voice of reason whispered in his head.

They did no such thing, he snapped back at it. They implied trying to force sex on him, but said absolutely nothing about harming him.

"Now, what I want to know.." He said slowly to the girl, bringing his face as close as he could to hers, mocking her with a sensual smile, playing on their previous intentions. "Is what you and your dead friends were up to?"

He motioned for the shadow to uncover her mouth, but it remained stubbornly shut. He had to give her some credit, she must indeed be a Jashinist if she could watch all her friends be slaughtered and still keep herself in a coherent enough state of mind not to blab even though the look in her eyes said she desperatley wanted to.

Her eyes flicked only for a thousandth of a millisecond to someting behind him, and his eyes went wide before pain exploded into his chest. He grunted as whatever weapon was pulled back out of his back, and twisted behind him, eyes first alighting on a pink tongue lapping up the blood from a telescopic pike, and then slowly moving up.

Violet eyes, silver hair, amused grin with Shikamaru's blood smeared slightly on the corner of his mouths... It sure as fuck looked like Hidan, his mind said.

"Mm, good stuff." He said, and Shikamaru again exploded so violently into laugher that the silver-haired man in front of him quickly jumped back into a defensive position. STill laughing, Shikamaru stuck out two fingers toward the man, and in no more than a heartbeat, three shadow minions fell from the shadows on the wall and rushed him, piercing his body a total of 6 times with their twig-like arms that turned into sharpened little stakes at the ends.

He lifted his other hand up and then closed it into a fist, and the girl behind him shreiked breiefly as her restrainces squeezed her, crushing her bones, making her eyelids pop from the sockets, blood squirted almost comically from every hole it could find.

The Hidan imposter in front of his stared, wide eyed, with the crimson running from each wound. He was held easily in place by the trio of shadow monsters, his mouth bobbed open and closed, wanting to ask questions but obviously too stricken with the pain to be able too.

"First of all, whoever you are. That fucking hurt." Shikamaru said, retracting his fist and letting it spring forward again without the aid of any chakra to smash into the side of the not-Hidan's face.

"Second, don't ever, EVER fucking insult me by pretending to be him. You're some whole other kind of stupid than your little team of girl scouts here if you really think I'd fall for that." Again he rammed a fist into the man, who groaned and spat out a wad of blood.

He smiled to himself when the disguized flickered out and the man morphed before his eyes into a middle-aged, brunette man, with disgusting shit-colored eyes that stared at him, glazed from being so near death.

"Tell me who you are, and what the fuck you were planning on doing with me, before I get  _really_  pissed."

The man stared of him, eyes growing more and more dull by the second. He muttered something, but damn it all if Shikamaru heard nothing but an incomprehensible gargle of sounds. He grabbed the man by the shirt and shook him.

"HEY! WAKE THE FUCK UP AND TELL ME!?" He gritted his teeth as the mans head just fell limply forward. DAMN! Damndamndamn, he'd overdone it.

He didn't like this, he could deal with the fact that maybe some Jashinist ladies had heard of him or something and wanted him, but someone disguising themselves as Hidan with Jutsu and pretending to try to sacrifice him? That was disturbing. They obviously knew that he and Hidan had some sort of relationship, though apparently they didn't know just  _how close_  they were, thinking they could fool him with some inane disguise like that. And now that he thought about it, apparently the ladies had even  _met_  Hidan at one time or another...

_Listen to you... you even talk like him._

_He's about as smart as him too..._

And now he remembered that feeling he'd had before the woman distracted him with all this nonsense. Was Hidan having trouble with some fellow Jashinists as well? Were they trying to kidnap him too?

Dammit, what the fucking hell was going on here...

"Go ahead and clean up the mess..." He said distantly to his minions, still standing with their hands shoved into the mans flesh. After a series of sick sucking noises, they pulled themselves free, each taking off in different directions to dispose of the evidence. Shikamaru sighed as he watched them lurch away. Five bodies... Five FUCKING bodies he had to get rid of now. Dammit, he wasn't in the goddamned Mafia, he didn't know how to dispose of bodies, and his little minions could only suck up small debris and blood. Unless he went to the trouble of cutting them all into little pieces, (which, no fucking thanks, he wasn't going to do) he had to figure out what to do with them now.

He looked around, making a face when he came to the girl who'd been right next to the van behind him that he'd crushed to death. His chest clenched up and he looked away quickly.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. How could he do something so gruesome?

That... that was just disgusting.  _Oh Jashin, I'm gonna be sick._  How..  _how?_  How could he so easily give a command to his shadow jutsu to do something like that and not even think twice about it?

Fuck, fucking hell... he was having trouble breathing now. His stomach churned at the image, burned into the back of his eyelids.

"Load it into the van.." He commanded the tentacles still restraining the body, leaning over and staring at the ground, focusing on his breathing and not everything that had just occured.

He hadn't even felt possesed that time. That was him, that was all him. Or was it? Maybe Jashin was just getting better at controlling him... more subtle. He'd really felt like he was making the descisions. He hadn't even really had any inner arguements with himself like usual. There hadn't been any little voice in his head telling him to stop, telling him to look at what he was doing.

Jashin fucking hell he'd just  _slaughtered_  five people!

There was blood everywhere. And he'd just let all this happen around him,  _caused_  it to happen, while laughing like a maniac. Interrogating them as if it was completley normal to kill someone.

_It is normal for a Jashinist._

SHUT UP! Ugh. His own concious was betraying him. He'd thought he could manage to sacrifice people, as long as he had himself somewhat convinced that he was doing a good thing. But now he wasn't so sure it hadn't affected him at all. He'd killed a total of six people before today. All out of neccesity. It was something that had to be done for him to continue living, for Hidan to continue living.

But these guys, he didn't  _have_  to kill them. And yet at the time there had literally been no other solution in his mind. It hadn't even occured to him  _not_  to kill them...

 _Did it ever occur to you_ not _to kill someone just because they piss you off?_  His own voice floated into his head, as well as Hidan's baffled expression that resulted from the question. He'd said that to him the very first day Hidan had come back from the dead, when they were waiting on the elevator, right before Shika had had that mental meltdown due to the blood infection he'd gotten from his fight with the zombie man.

He'd warned those women not to piss him off... Just like Hidan had done numerous times to Neji and Shikamaru himself.

It didn't... it didn't occur to him at all. That's why he'd been so confused. It had seemed funny at the time, but it wasn't funny at all. It was like he didn't even have a choice in the matter. Someone pissses you off, you kill them, that just how it worked.

"Put... put them all in the van.." He ordered to his shadows, his throat tight with the sudden urge to vomit. Oh shit, how had such a wonderful day turned into this?

He had to get out of here.. he just needed to leave and go home and lay down and wait for Hidan to come back. He could explain things, he could calm him down, make him feel better.

Was he losing his mind? Is this how it started? Did Hidan go through this too?

His stomache rolled and he closed his eyes, trying to picture himself back in the sacrificial chamber as the contents of his stomach forced themselves back out into the open air. He ignored the disgusting sound like a bucket of water being poured and instead wrapped his arms around his stomach, pretending they were his crazy lovers.

_I love you._

Yes.. Yes that was better...

He sucked in a breath, then another. No more vomit, good, good.

_I love you._

It was okay. It was all worth it. Hidan loved him. Hidan chose him. Hidan would becoming back and they would live happily ever after for the rest of eternity. Nothing mattered as long as he had Hidan... right? He'd killed their master in a past life for him, and he could kill a few worthless Jashinists in this one. They wouldn't do anything but slander the demon God's name anyway.

 _I love you_.

Yeahh.. yeah. Tch, what was he freaking out about? This was nothing. Hah, wait until he told Hidan. He'd probably get the biggest kick. Fucking idiots, trying to use his love against him. Ignorant bastards.

One last  _thunk_  finally drew his attention to the black van, and his eyes narrowed while he straightened his body. One of his minions struggled to push the door closed, the poor dear, he should really try to tinker with them, make them not so twiglike and weak. Like Hidan's, his little shadows had been able to not only wield a big heavy scythe, but to actually move quickly.

Hmm, that was for another time though, right now, he had to get rid of this disgusting mess. Luckily for him, the harbor wasn't that far away. Unluckily for him, it was the middle of the afternoon, still 3 more hours left before it even  _started_  to get dark. Steeling himself, he waved away his jutsu, not waiting for them to all fade from existence as he hopped into the drivers side. They had conveniently left the keys in the ignition, how nice of them.

He started it and pulled slowly from the alleyway.

 _Jashin help me._  He prayed, this situation was just insane...

* * *

 

Three hours.  _Three fucking hours_  of sitting here in this disgusting, festering, stinking van. This was stupid, this was so incredibley stupid. Fuck, there was no way he was going to tell Hidan about this. He'd never let him fucking live it down.

Dammit Hidan. Shikamaru had quickly gotten over his trauma and launched himself immediatly into anger. That albino fuck. If he'd just let Shika go with him then this wouldn't have happened. Or If he just hadn't fucking left in the first place, that would have been perfect.

Yeah, this was his fault, dammit. Those people obviously knew him. They probably had some grudge against him, so they tried to get back at him by working through his newest little pineapple headed boyfriend. AFter all, they'd gone after Kakuzu, why wouldn't they go after Shikamaru.

Fucking Hell you psycho, you can't even remain in good graces among a bunch of cult members!

Jashin above, why the hell was he so enamored with him again? The idiot...

He silently steamed behind the wheel. He was at the harbor now, all he had to do was find the perfect spot to drive this hunk of garbage that he never fucking wanted to see again into the water, blow it up and destroy any evidence he might have looked over, and he'd be in the clear. Then he could retreat back to his cozy little headquarters and just fucking sleep until Hidan came back.

"Okay, remember what I showed you?" He said to the inky blob beside him. It jiggled in reply.

"Okay, just don't make it too big, or people are going to notice, wait until it hits the bottom and settles there before releasing the chakra okay?"

The blob jiggled again, and Shikamaru nodded, narrowing his eyes as the edge of the dock came closer and closer.

It was a technique he'd been working on, originally it had started out as him trying to be able to make his own smoke bombs with nothing but chakra. Unfortunately it was really difficult to turn shadows, the absence of light, into smoke, a chemical reaction. Of course you can imagine that his tinkering had gone a little bit wrong... meaning he had accidentally destroyed one of his hideouts. Thank Jashin for immortality, at least.

But through this he had, of course, figured out how to condense a mass amount of chakra into a small little ball the size of a marble, as long as you kept it still and unmoving, it pretty well turned itself into a solid object that could be carried around. Then all you had to do was crush the delicate outer skin and boom. Large-scale explosion.

Now that he thought about it, it was eerily convenient that he'd discovered this technique, even though at the time he'd thought it to be a complete failure. There was no way he could ever use such a jutsu. He was trying to operate below the law's nose, not trying to advertise himself to the whole world.

Flicking his eyes down to his foot, he summoned a small shadow tentacle to emerge from the floorboard and wrap itself around the gas pedal, holding it down. With one final look at the blob sitting in the passenger seat, cradling that little chakra marble inside a thick layer of cushioning, he opened the door and leaped out, curling himself into a roll before coming to a stop just in time to watch the red tail-lights dissapear over the edge of the dock.

Alright, no time to dawdle. His chakra was almost completley depleted, and he needed to get the hell out of here. That meant no fast travel, that meant not even moderately fast travel. That meant literally just sprinting away from the scene until he was a safe enough distance to walk casually back to his hideout and wait outside until he had enough chakra build up to teleport into the dwelling.

The splash was ridiculously loud as the vehicle collided with the water, and jumpstarted him into scrambling to his feet and taking off. He smiled despite himself as he ran, okay okay... maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe he'd been overreacting a little bit, it was actually kind of fun.

Damn, he wished Hidan were here. He was actually kind of proud of himself..

His boots seemed so loud as passed over the concrete. Fuck he was going so slow, he wasn't used to this. That damn chakra bomb took up more than his fucking fast-travel did. He could hardly spare enough to force down into his legs, letting him leap up so he could at least run over the tops of the buildings and not have to run down the street. Someone would probably get suspicious and stop him.

The muffled  _boom_  and the sound of water bursting up into the air had him laughing out loud with mischievous glee.

_Don't fuck with Shikamaru fucking Nara._

You'd think people would learn by now... seriously.

So troublesome...


	4. Blacklisted

There's blood everywhere. Flying in all directions, squirting from bodies, running down his hands.

It's beautiful. Crimson shining liquid gold everywhere you look. He's so happy, so angry but happy. Slaughter is so beautiful, Oh Jashin he'd forgotten how good it felt not to hold back.

One corpse after another, they dropped like flies, these sorry excuses for Jashinists. They had no idea what they were doing, whoever inducted them should be sacrificed, they were all insults to his Lord.

How dare they degrade him with their rituals and prayers. They knew nothing of Jashin, these heathens. The said the words without meaning, performed the actions without faith. How could they ever hope to compete with him, Jashin's immortal son. His most devoted follower, beloved disciple. These heathens were nothing but a stain on his cloak of faith.

They would all die. Each and every one of them.

He was running, swinging right and grunts, surprised gargles, incoherent last words, they flooded him like a drug as he slaughtered one after the other. They came in swarms, rushing him with their useless weapons and shouting their worthless threats. He was laughing, laughing so hard it hurt. The idiots, look at them cower, look at them cry. Maggots,  _worms_. Repent, and maybe He'd be gracious enough to devour you instead of sentencing you to hell.

There it was. The daylight was shining through the doorway down into this dark, dingy hole. He was almost out, almost free. Nothing but easily severed flesh and bone stand in his way. Weak, pathetic bodies with weak, pathetic atheist souls.

_"I'm coming Pineapple head, don't you fucking worry."_

 

.

 

A tug, that same familiar nudge he'd felt before, pulling him up off the bed before his eyes could even open. He.. he was dreaming, he thought. This wasn't really happening.. but it felt so real. Incoherently drifting between dream and reality. Which one was right? Where was he? He was so.. so mad. So angry.. but at what?

 

.

 

He was running, so close to escape. It was right there..

Netting sprang up out of nowhere. He roared in anger when it scooped him up. He starting ripping at the ropes, gnawing like an animal. How dare they trap him, how dare they even  _touch_  him. Bastards, godless bloody fucking heathens! Keep your disgusting hands away!

They can't keep him caged, no one can. ' _DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHO I AM!?'_

More ropes, more tethers, constricting around him, tying his arms down, holding his legs together, keeping still his thrashing body. Around his elbows and wrists, pulled tight behind him. Ankles and knees squeezed so painful together that he collapsed from the nauseating waves of pleasure it brought. A blade at his throat, two blades...three.

_"I'm going to DESTROY ALL OF YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!"_

Voices shouted back and forth, muffled and gargled by his anger as he screamed and flailed. They couldn't keep him, he had a job to do. He had one man's heart to break and another's to save. He had his own happiness to pursue, now that he finally understood. Decades and centuries of confusion and loneliness and slow descent into madness. Of wandering aimlessly, feeling like a piece was missing. And now that's it's finally together, when all the questions floating around in the back of his mind had been answered, these stupid sons of bitches got in his way.

He roared again, gritting his teeth and managing to rip one arm free of the bindings. He grabbed and yanked, making one of his many captors stumble forward enough for him to claw into the side of their face. A fist came from another direction, smashing into his face and throwing him backward.

Red, blood and anger and just red. Red everywhere.

This wasn't happening.

_Help..._

 

* * *

 

 

Shikamaru's eyes snapped open when he jerked from the strike, his face throbbing in fake pain. He gasped and pushed back, tripping over the cot and smashing the back of his skull against the wall.

He cried out and rolled, falling to the floor as his cot clattered loudly to his side.

More tugging, more pulling. But from everywhere, and nowhere.

It was a nightmare, but it wasn't. It couldn't be fake, he'd had nightmares, plenty of them. You can't feel them like that. The ropes burning as they drag across your skin, the tightness in his chest as he sprinted down some stone corridor, the slippery warmth of blood, covering him, soaking in and absorbing in his skin, fueling his rage and mania.

No, Jashin no.. that hadn't been just a dream.

He pushed himself back into a normal sitting position, still breathing heavily, and ran his hands through his hair. Wide eyes scanned the room, his little base with only the barest of bare necessities. Yes.. he was awake now. He'd been awake before, for only a second. Then slipped back into the dream. That'd hadn't been real. But it wasn't fake.

It was Hidan. Something Hidan was experiencing, he knew it to be true even though there was no logical reason to believe it. Logic was unnecessary, he knew it was true. He knew without knowing.

His chest hurt and his stomach churned with the need to get up and run to him, to find him wherever he is and save him from whoever those people were. But this time was different. He didn't know where to go, there was no possession of his body to direct him. Nothing but the nagging urge to do something, anything... to help him.

"Fuuck." He groaned, getting up and shrugging into his clothes and quickly putting his hair into a sloppy ponytail. He wasn't going back to sleep now, his insides jittered from the lasting memories, the unfiltered fury Hidan felt, the frantic rage that made him sloppy and careless. His deadly determination to reach that light at the end of the tunnel...

Someone was after them, apparently. It wasn't just Shikamaru, they wanted Hidan as well. And whoever it was was apparently having a hell of a lot more success with his lover. Too much success, actually. The younger Jashinist hadn't been confronted in the same way, and he hadn't gotten quite as violent..

_Uh.. yes. Yes you did._

"Shut up.." He said to himself aloud. "They were trying to seduce me..."

He froze, this had to have something to do with their shared immortality. It was Jashinists that attacked him.. and in the dream or vision or whatever it was the zealot was under the impression that his captors had been of their faith as well.

_"We know you prefer boys. We'll make it quick and painless"_

They didn't want to  _just_  have sex with him. They wanted to make a blood bond. They wanted to leech his immortality just as he'd done to Hidan.

If it were true, then that meant... someone had blabbed about their secret. But the only people who knew were the Akatsuki and himself. No one else-No wait. Neji. Neji knew too.

No... no way. He'd never...

His eyes narrowed and hands fell limp to his side.

_Neji wouldn't do that._

He was the only one... There's no way in hell the Akatsuki would. They have too much to lose. They're barely dangling on the edge of legality as it is, thanks to Shikamaru.

The real question here though wasn't so much as who had told, seeing as word had leaked and there was no undoing it.

_"Unless you kill them.."_

He shook his head, staring around the empty room quizzically. What the hell was that? Where the fuck had that thought come from? He went to the dingy mirror and studied it, leaning in closer than necessary and squinting. Hm, His eyes still had that weird faded look to them, but other than that everything was the same...

Jashin above... he was so rattled he was hearing voices...

Back to the topic... the real matter of importance was why these Jashinists wanted the two of them. Had they broken some unspoken rule? Were they concerned about the number of immortals increasing? It was a somewhat taxing bit of information, knowing these psycho cult members could literally reproduce A-sexually, then had to go around murdering people to stay alive. 2 out of 6 billion wasn't all that significant really, but seeing as those two would never, ever decrease due to death, the number could only continue to increase. Maybe their fellow Jashinists were looking at this situation like an outbreak to be quarantined...

He absently started pacing, tapping his fingertips together while he tried to organize his thoughts.

But even more importantly than that, how he was going to find Hidan and rescue his troublesome ass?

Really, how could someone like him keeping getting into so much trouble? If the psycho wanted to break him of his reliance on time, Shikamaru needed to break  _him_ of his ideals that he's invincible. All anyone has to do is keep them from doing their sacrifices, and immortality becomes obsolete.

Albino idiot.

He slipped into his boots, and stood up. He would have to think, It seemed. Get the gears turning in his brain again to make a plan to find Hidan, as well as deal with these bastards coming after them. And that requires fresh air, nicotine, and maybe some caffeine.

That nightmare or whatever it was had made for a rather restless sleep. He closed his eyes and sighed before activation his teleportation jutsu.

8 a.m. and this day was already a drag.

 

* * *

 

Alright, this is what he knew. Hidan went to break up with Kakuzu and probably let whoever was in charge of the Akatsuki know what he was doing. Well, maybe. That would be the responsible thing to do.. so actually that probably never even occurred to him...

But he had definitely went to speak with Kakuzu. Shikamaru knew the two had relocated their residence, but hadn't the slightest clue where. So that was a dead end. Akatsuki weren't particularly settled anywhere, and made their base wherever their most current case was. At least he assumed so, and there's always the chance that even they didn't know where the money grubbing bastard had dragged Hidan away to. So that was another dead end... or was it?

The ring, he thought, snapping his head up from it's previously steady gaze on the sidewalk. Right! He still had that little thing somewhere in his big bag of belongings.

Dammit, of course he had to actually leave and wander randomly for an hour before he'd figure out a lead. It was anyone's guess as to whether Itachi could give him any clues, but surely he at least knew where he lived. It wouldn't help much, unless his little vision had been false and he was just delayed with Kakuzu. In which case he would steal him away right in front of the greedy old bastard and dare him to try and get him back. Probably end up pissing Hidan off but hey, Kakuzu was a bitch and Shika intended to make sure he was thoroughly aware of it.

He blinked again, coming to the stop on the sidewalk.

Why the hell was he so violent today?

Was this the aftermath of yesterdays events? He'd had a taste for blood and apparently he liked it,  _after throwing up a bit_.

"Jashin... what have you done to me..." He muttered, starting off toward his little headquarters, at least until he felt another tug, this one distinctly pulled backward, and he peeked out of the corner of his eye behind him to find a police officer stalking toward him, features in a grimace and eyes dead set on Shikamaru.

"Oh you're kidding me..." He mumbled, taking the time to sigh before he coiled his body, pushing chakra into his legs for a quick getaway.

"SIR! Please stay where you are!" The cop called out, footsteps getting quicker. On the one hand, Shika was happy to see that this man had noticed him coming toward him, and in an instant his fists were hazed in a flowery blueish green chakra, it said that not all cops were complete idiots.

But on the other, he was a little ticked.  _Of course_ he got the one intelligent law officer on the one day he was actually in a hurry.

"Sorry, I'm kind of really busy." He called out behind him. And just as he was about to spring up to the rooftops, something metal slapped tight around his wrists and his chakra vanished so suddenly that he almost felt a backlash.

Goddammit, these fucking handcuffs were really starting to piss him off. He made a mental note to sacrifice whoever made them, then inwardly cringed at himself.

_Shika, you only kill bad guys..._

And horny women too, apparently...

"Please sir, don't fight me and I won't make it hard." The policeman said, he had soft brown eyes, and Shika immediately assumed him to be a rookie. He didn't have the condescending undertone when he spoke that most seasoned officers did.

"Let me go and I won't fight you. I really don't have the fucking time for this right now." Shikamaru half growled, half whined.

"If you don't make a scene I'll help you with your bail...Mister Nara."

He paused, studying the orange-haired man with the soft eyes and tired posture.

"You have quite a few crimes to attend to, but I know who you are and I really don't have the skills to try and force you behind bars. I promise I'll make it as painless as possible if you come with me."

Still staring cautiously, the immortals dark eyes flicked from the officer to the police cruiser some distance behind him, and back. He couldn't tell if this man was serious or not. He didn't look like he'd put up much of a fight, he was young, possibly younger than Shikamaru.

Damn this was troublesome.

"And who are you?"

"You may call me Juugo." The man smiled as if Shikamaru had already agreed, relaxing slightly and starting to take a step forward.

"Okay, Juugo. Here's the thing. I have way more important things to deal with that the stupid shit they're trying to pin on me just because I quit the force. So either you walk away on your own, Or I show you first-hand why they're afraid of dealing with me themselves and sent a newbie like you out after me."

"I just recognized you on the street mister Nara I-"

"Yeah. That's great. Don't care. Now take these things off before I get pissed." He extended his arm with the chakra-blocking metal hanging from it and fixed himself in a staring contest before the officer suddenly gave him a dark grin. There really could have been a more perfectly malicious twist to this situation.

He inwardly groaned, and before his eyes the nice young man's sleeve exploded as his hand morphed into some monstrous abomination. He was grabbed and violently thrown toward the cruiser before he could really make sense of what just happened.

Pedestrians screamed and darted away as his body crashed and crumpled against the metal. And before he had time to even reposition himself his hands were grabbed and secured behind him and something latched onto his ponytail, using it as leverage to slam his face repeatedly into the heavily dented metal.

Finally coming to the conclusion that the nice young officer was mercilessly beating him, he struck back, jumping and twisting to pull his legs up between them, plant them on his now thick-skinned, demonized chest, and push him away.

He fell hard on his ass, but at least it got the beast off him.

The 'rookie' officer was now more monster than man, it seemed. Shikamaru managed to keep himself from gawking only for the fact that a massive, stone-like fist was speeding toward his face.

He pulled himself farther down with his heels and Juugo's arm impaled itself in the side of the door. He swung his legs upward, a last ditch effort to create enough room for him to struggle to his feet without the use of his hands, and slammed his foot into the mans groin.

After a roar of anger and pain it had the desired effect, and he stumbled. The Nara uttered a small apology (because really, he felt guilty for resorting to that,) before rolling himself back to his feet.

Anger, he needed to be angry to get out of these cuffs. And for some reason it wasn't coming as easily as he'd hoped.

He took a breath and darted off to fund a more secluded area, seeing as people were starting to stop and watch the scene. He couldn't have witnesses if he ended up going overboard and killing this guy like the last few.

Damn.. he should have known something was up when he was cuffed without reading his rights. Dammit Shikamaru,  _stupid scatterbrained idiot._

Heavy footsteps and angry grunting could be heard from right behind him as he scrambled to find somewhere to escape attention. His mind was bouncing around everywhere, still void of the rage that filled him with that secondary power when his chakra couldn't be relied upon.

Who was this guy, what the hell kind of jutsu user was he to transform himself like that? Why was he willing to beat Shikamaru into oblivion just to get him in that car? Usually most cops tried to get the job over with, and whipped out a taser or something. This Juugo fellow just seemed like he wanted to hurt him.

"You're insulting yourself by running away!" A guttural voice cracked out behind him, not at all like the soft, almost sweet voice the guy had before.

"An almighty, supposedly unkillable Jashinist, running for his life.  _Pathetic."_

_Running for his life... running away.. to save his immortal life? You dumb son of a bitch._

Ah. There is was.

_Thank you Jashin._

His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, and he stopped on a dime and whirled, lifting his leg and smashing his boot into an unexpecting mutant face.

"I'm not fucking running you piece if shit.'" He growled out as the man was knocked roughly to the ground.

"It's called intelligence, Maybe my counterpart lacks it. But I like to be smart when I can."

At the subtle mention of Hidan, Juugo's eyes narrowed further than they already were, giving Shikamaru all the information he needed. This guy wasn't a cop, he was just another bastard trying to force him to relinquish his gift from Jashin. And even more so, he knew Hidan, and he knew that he was currently imprisoned.

Sweet adrenaline rushed him, and his face burned as he was filled with a boost from Jashin as he happily let his rage bloom. He was just about fucking sick of being underestimated and insulted. And this fucking idiot thought he could trick him so easily?

He flexed his arms, snapping the metal cuffs like nothing and pouring his regained chakra into his hands, making it thin as he could into a blade.

"You have 5 seconds to tell me where my partner is."

He swung, unable to resist the grin that stretched across his features as his opponent jumped to his feet, looking discouraged at how easily Shikamaru had escaped the meager restraints.

Juugo lifted his monster hand to stop it, and Shika only pumped more chakra into his weaponized hand, laughing victoriously when it sliced right through the stoney skin and the officer shrieked.

"Wanna know what's  _pathetic_?" He sneered, cutting off chakra flow and dragging the blood-stained hand across his tongue.

The half-monster growled, and in a mere second his hand reformed itself, making the immortal hesitate for only a second before leaping far back to avoid a strike.

"That this is already over..." He said darkly, grabbing his pike and snapping it to full extension as his skin slowly darkened to ritual. "Last chance to tell me what I wanna know."

The monster charged, but Shikamaru only laughed, lifting his legs and pooling not only chakra, but the extra unexplainable strength he had from his anger in his thigh, he kicked outward, cackling like mad when the soul of his boot smashed into the mans face with skin-crawling series of cracks. His opponent went somersaulting backward, crashing over and over onto the cement and continuing on his roll until he crashed through the window of a shop. Maybe this man's jutsu made him considerably stronger, but it also turned him into a brainless ogre. Fucking idiot. Why did everyone have to be so stupid? It really turned life into a drag.

A snarl ripped through the air, and the monster-man's head reappeared as he barreled forward, the skin of it's face contorting and writhing as it fixed itself, and swinging his arm to smash through a pillar that was in his way with reckless disregard. Shikamaru huffed, there was no way this guy was going to talk, dammit. He'd lost any intelligence he'd had when he transformed. His opponent lunged toward him, running on all fours now, more animal than man. Shikamaru held his ground, sighing and rolling his eyes before holding the pike up over his heart, glaring for a heartbeat before he shoved it through his own chest.

Juugo froze, or would have frozen if he hadn't gone crashing to the ground.

"Sorry Jashin. Not much of an offering.." He spat, Yanking out the stake without taking any time to enjoy the moment. There were so many onlookers, so many witnesses... this was horrible. So much for intelligence, emotion won out again. And this time he'd purposely let it!

Sighing, he activated the shadow jutsu, and all 8 of the people who'd gotten to see the show screamed and angrily protested as little hands shot from tar pools that gathered beneath their feet snatched the cell phones they hand in their hands and crushed them, whether they were capable of taking pictures or videos or not.

Damn this technology, so troublesome.

How the fuck Hidan and his idiocracy had managed to stay off the radar so well was a question he didn't think would ever be answered. Shikamaru had even been in a business that should enable him to know where all the loopholes were. But damn, it was really fucking hard to keep predicting stuff. His head wasn't working properly today, or recently.

It had to be because of Hidan.. He was just distracted from the other day. Butterflies from their little session of hankey-pankey still lingering in his head and fogging him to anything happening around him in the world. It was like he was on autopilot, and the real Shikamaru only came back to check that everything was still right every so often, despite the way things kept going wrong.

Like right now.

There were still too many witnesses here. Too many people whose stories would match, too many people who would describe Shikamaru Nara as the man who had somehow murdered this cop with some black voodoo magic. It didn't matter that he had legally been defending himself, that the man hadn't read him his rights and may very well not even be an actual cop. That he had thrown the first punch.

Nope. All that mattered was that Shikamaru killed him in cold blood in broad daylight with an audience. No one would remember anything else. Even at this moment some of them might still not even be aware that he's dead. In fact most of them were rather focused on the large bleeding hole in Shikamaru's chest that miraculously wasn't affecting him at all.

And now was the question as to what to do. Would a threat be enough to keep them all quiet? He already had people out to get him, Hidan was in trouble, and the only common thing they shared aside from this perverted romance was the inability to be killed. And the absolute last thing he needed was to have not only Jashinists and fake cops on his ass, but FBI and whatever the fuck else might want a piece of him.

_Kill them..._

Right.. right.. just kill all of them and hide the evidence and everything will be just peachy...

NO! Damn!

He put two hands on each side of his head, what was this? What was this fucking insanity speaking to him in his thoughts? Some little demon whispering it's desires...

He snapped his eyes open, letting out a surge of chakra to create a shadow clone for each of the trembling, awestruck, terrified, amazed people still standing and staring, utterly afraid to move.

Each of them jumped and gasped and screamed respectively when they were grabbed by the collar of their shirts and held so close that their noses almost touched the clones.

"If you tell  _anyone_  that I was here. I will ensure a fate worth than death for you and everyone you love." They each echo'd in a whisper, gauging the fear in each victims eyes and adding in a few more threats to those who didn't seem as affected.

Meanwhile the original Shikamaru knelt down to shove his hands through the corpses pockets. The body had returned to normal now, and it tugged a little at his heartstrings to see the original kind face of this man. He wasn't exactly sure why he suddenly felt so empathetic, but he managed to push the feeling away by reminding himself that this gentle looking face was nothing but a disguise. Juugo had attacked him viciously out of the blue for no apparent reason. And after Shika had thought him to actually be intelligent too...

He supposed maybe it struck some chord under his conscious. He felt bad for doing what he did, but he didn't have a choice right? The guy would have killed him if he didn't do it first.

_You're smart enough to end fights without death. When did you forget that?_

"Just shut up..." He mumbled sullenly to himself. Juugo attacked him, would have captured him and done Jashin knows what to him just like whatever those girls had planned. He was a bad man and his death was nothing if not a good thing...right?

His hand came across something cold and hard, and he withdrew it to study the object. Dog-tags? Was this man in the military?

He turned it over a few times, it was engraved with just a bunch of numbers on one side and the horizontal 8 that stood for Infinity on the other.

There weren't any other forms of I.d. None at all. Not only was this disturbing, it was a downright drag. There were no clues at all except this single little tag. He didn't have  _anything_  on him. Not even standard police gear.

He quickly stuffed it in his pocket and straightened when the clones all finished their threats and poofed away. Well.. it was the only lead he had, aside from going home to find that ring. Beggars can't be choosers.

He nodded to all the wide-eyed people and activated the fast transfer jutsu. Tickled slightly by the thought that whoever these guys were that were trying to kidnap him were just awful at their jobs... and still slightly haunted by performing his first unplanned, unnecessary sacrifice.

 

* * *

 

Shikamaru had never felt his mind racing quite so fast. In fact it was jumping from thought to thought so unreasonably quickly that he quite literally couldn't tell if he were thinking anything at all as he moved in his bodiless state back to his little residence.

Something was going on with him, his brain wasn't functioning right, and there really couldn't be a worse time for it to fail him. Hidan was in trouble, being held captive and having Jashin knows what done to him. Shikamaru himself was in danger, not only because people were after him but because each encounter with these thugs grew sloppier and sloppier and if he didn't put an end to it soon the whole world would know who and what he is and then he would be so fucking far up shit creek that it wouldn't matter if he had a paddle or not. The fact that he was suddenly hearing voices that he knew were not thoughts of his own and he didn't recognize as his Demon God's was definitely concerning him, and then there was still the matter of having to somehow locate Hidan and rescue him, possibly fight and maim-if-not-kill Kakuzu, and... and... and who even fucking knows what else might occur after that!?

And of course all of this had to happen when things were finally starting to look up, when everything was finally as it should be.  _Dammit Jashin, you couldn't just let it be._

Though in retrospect he did have 6 months of vague regularity to enjoy. And honestly, he should have expected the zealot to leave chaos in his wake. It was unrealistic for him to be upset at the man for it... but really, this was ridiculous. He couldn't blame it all on being in a fog. Even when he was running on nothing but caffeine in 36 hours back when he'd first met the psychotic new neighbor that had somehow morphed into not only his Jashinist teacher, but the man he couldn't imagine being without as well, he still hadn't been so blatantly stupid. Well.. He couldn't really say that, he supposed, seeing as he'd continuously made bad decisions every damn time that fucking idiot showed back up in his life...

GOD THIS WAS SO TROUBLESOME!

He slipped back into reality in his room, hesitating, looking around at it darkly for a second when his skin prickled. Something didn't  _feel_  right... but there was nothing to signal any reason for it. Hm, no one could have managed to slip in here and avoid all his traps, and yet he felt far more unsettled standing here in this same spot than he'd been just a couple hours ago.

_Nerves. It's just stress..._

Yeah.. that had to be it. No one but he and Hidan knew how to get in, no one but he and Hidan had the jutsu.

Sighing in irritation at himself, he started toward the still overturned cot, setting it back upright and slipping the giant duffel bag from underneath it. After what felt like an eternity of unzipping and searching through endless pockets and hidey holes, he finally came across what he wanted.

A smile crooked the edge of his mouth as he pulled out the smooth metal ring. Damn, he was glad he kept this... he just hoped desperately that it still worked. He didn't know if these things were like phones or what. He didn't know anything about them, and because of that thought he made a mental note to look into it. At the very least it would give him something to do when this ordeal blows over.

Without hesitation he slipped it on and trickled chakra into it. Not understanding the small wash of anxiety that came over him, but not letting it get in his way. He really needed to stop dragging that poor man into he and Hidan's affairs...

"...Eh...Itachi?"

Silence for one second.. two.. three...

"It's Shikamaru. I need your help on something."

Six heartbeats and no answer. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, turning it to a scratch before sitting onto the edge of his cot.

Damn his nose was itchy all the sudden. Wasn't there an old wives tale about that? It meant someone was talking about him somewhere. Hah, maybe it was the sharingan user himself, trying to avoid him.

A sneeze ripped violently through him then, so much so that it almost knocked him from the wobbly surface he was on.

"Damn..." He muttered, snuffling. "Do immortals have allergies?"

_"I don't believe so, Shikamaru Nara."_

He was mercilessly spared from the humiliating noise that surely would have escaped him at the sudden unfamiliar voice pervading his thoughts by the sheer shock of receiving a response. He'd already dismissed the thought that the ring was of any more use, and certainly hadn't expected to hear anyone other than the elder Uchiha reply.

_"I apologize for my delayed response. Itachi Uchiha is currently unavailable. I am Nagato, You may call me Pein."_

Shikamaru's first thought was that Itachi had mentioned Nagato on more than one occasion. And If he recalled correctly, this person was also more or less the leader of the Akatsuki.

He was speaking directly with the big boss-man himself. What an honor...

His second thought was that this guy sounded like even more of an emotionless robot than Itachi. And that significantly dulled any excitement the moment may have caused.

"Uh.. Pein, sir. I, uh... I really need Itachi's assistance on this matter."

_"He is on a reconnaissance mission right now. What is it you require his assistance for?"_

Hm. Despite the way he spoke, Nagato didn't seem too awful of a man. But still the novice Jashinist wasn't exactly sure how to respond. Should he tell him that Hidan had gotten himself in trouble? The man undoubtedly knew about their involvement, seeing as he had greeted Shikamaru almost as if he knew him personally. But still, did Nagato know as much as Itachi? Probably... but there was always a chance..

BAHH! Who cares!? Itachi was busy and if he wanted help then it looked like this  _Pein_ was the man for the job.

"I believe Hidan is in trouble."

Brief silence on the other end, but long enough to send the immortal nervously to his feet and push him to pace the room.

Once more he scratched his nose, letting the thought that there must be bad air circulation in here come and go from his mind. It kind of went past itching, now it was kind of a burn...

" _What leads you to this conclusion?"_

"Uh... It's hard to explain."

_"I'm aware of the connection you share. Explain."_

Hm. Well he was just as blunt as Itachi... well he might as well just say it.

"When he gets himself into a predicament that he can't get himself out of, I sort of... feel it. Sort of an anxiety thing. This time I actually shared some kind of telepathic connection with him, so I'm thinking it's pretty serious."

_"...What happened during this connection."_

Again he paused. It wasn't really something he wanted to share with this so far emotionless stranger, but if he wanted help then he had to cooperate.

"He was trying to escape, there are numerous people holding him, and he was overpowered."

_"Do you have any idea as to who his captors are?"_

"He was under the impression that they were Jashinists... and I've also been having trouble myself with them. A group two days ago attempted to kidnap me, one of them had a tattoo signaling their involvement in the religion, and then just a while ago a man posing as a law officer attacked me after trying to arrest me without reading me the miranda rights.I searched him afterward and found only a necklace with what looks like a serial number and a lemniscate to give any clue as to who he was."

Silence on the other end. Shikamaru continued to pace, the unsettling feeling was growing worse, and the air seemed like it was growing thicker, making him breathe heavily. He was also just uncomfortable in general about speaking with the head honcho here on his little mini-panic attack. It didn't help that his brain registered Nagato as someone above him on the chain of command and he had slipped into what he referred to as soldier-mode while explaining the situation. "I believe word may have leaked about our.. uh.. Secret. I think maybe they're trying to sort of quarantine us."

Again a sudden sneeze racked his body, and he swore after viciously rubbing his nose. Dammit, if immortals couldn't have allergies then what the fuck was this sneezing shit going on here?

_It's more than a sneeze, child. Take the hint._

He blinked, now that voice, he knew that one. That bone-rattling, skin-crawling sound that gave him butterflies and petrified him at the same time... That was Jashin. His brows furrowed,  _now_  he says something?  _Now_  he wants to help? He was getting sick of this, the Demon God just needed to decide whether he liked him or not and pick a damn side.

 _"What are your coordinates?"_ Pein's voice said, reminding him that he was still on the 'phone'.

"Uh.." He replied dumbly, looking around. Coordinates? Was he asking for latitude and longitude or what?

 _"Where are you right now?"_ Came a slightly quick and annoyed response. Well at least he knew this guy wasn't a robot.

"I'm at my... house." He said, thinking it would sound stupid to say 'secret base', as he'd come to think of it as.

_" And you've had people following and engaging you?"_

"Yes.."

_" Get out."_

"What!?"

 _"Leave your residence immediately"_ Nagato growled _. "You're sneezing because of flammable noxious gases in the air. It's a trap. Leave now."_

Shikamaru froze, a whirlwind of emotions making it impossible for him to command his feet to move. Since when did gas make people sneeze? How had anyone got in here to boobytrap it? Why was Pein worried about him, especially knowing that he can't die?

"Right." He finally forced out, whirling to frantically shove his sparse belongings in his bag. How could that be true, no one had tampered with his traps. No one could get in? What the hell was happening here? Had he been outwitted? That wasn't possible.. was it? He  _has_  been really out-of-it lately, but that happened when you had such bullshit taking over your life.

_"I'll have someone sent to assist you in finding Hidan."_

Good. Maybe it would be Itachi... but he was on a mission. So those chances were slim, and the only other person who knew Hidan well enough to help was...

"NOT KAKUZU!" He shouted, but before the bodiless voice had the chance to respond the entire world seemed to become suddenly hushed. His lungs seared with a lack of oxygen, skin prickled in the foreboding silence, and his eyes widened at the realization that the explosive gas was literally filling his body. The only reason why he wasn't dead was because he was healing fast enough not to be poisoned. But that didn't stop the 'flammable' part of the equation.

He heard two distant clacks, like the sound rocks made when you hit them together, and then all he could see was blinding orange and red.

 

* * *

 

Chaos, pain, fire, destruction, more pain. Nothing but pain and oblivion. All consuming and unrelenting. He didn't know where he was, couldn't remember what he was doing. Only the pain.

He tried to scream, but he couldn't control his throat. His skin was burning, he could feel it, and smell it. He was in hell.  _Damn you Jashin, you let me die._

It hurt so bad. It's all he could think about. All he could see was fire. This wasn't fair, pain was good. Pain meant he was alive. But he couldn't be alive when he was roasting like a turkey in hell.

_I did everything for you. I was a good person. I shouldn't be here._

Fire and pain and heat and that God-awful smell. There was nothing else. Nothing. Everything was gone. Everyone he knew. All the effort he'd put into living an immortal life was wasted. This couldn't be right. This couldn't be hell. He couldn't be dead. He would have been dead long ago if it was possible.

_I can't move.._

Not even a finger twitch.

_I can't.. breathe.._

Was it another nightmare? No.. nightmares weren't like this. This was happening, this was real...

This was hell.

There was a tug on him.. on his head.  _Jashin?_ Pulling at his hair.. wait.. his hair? How did he have hair?

"Collect the rest of the pieces. He can't fight back now."

 _Who.. who is that?_ He didn't know that voice. Gah, damn this fire!  _I can't see!_

With nothing more than that thought, the pain ebbed only slightly.  _Damn this smell..._

"There's one over there. Don't miss any, he needs him intact."

So calm, how could the voice be so calm in this? All the fire and pain... Who was it?

A cool breeze hit his face, and he moaned from the beautiful absence of the agony. He moaned? He made sound? He could talk!

"What.. what's going on.." He slurred out. Still no sight, damn. But oh well, at least the fire was gone.

"Shut up." The calm voice replied, before breaking into a coughing fit. Disgusting wet coughs. Yuck... who the hell was this? What was happening?

"Is this hell?" He breathed aloud. It couldn't be.. the pain was going away. He could feel his skin repairing itself, feel his hair being pulled, his eyes healing...

His sight came back, blurred and foggy. Dammit, damn it all!

_Jashin! What is this?_

More pulling on his hair, his vision wavered, and cleared. And he found himself looking directly into someones face.

Green eyes, white hair, sickly sagging skin.

"I said shut up." The face told him, and Shikamaru's newfound gaze ventured to the side. Giant flames towered behind the glaring man, people were moving about in them, spraying water and foam to extinguish it. They seemed to be searching the debris, the remnants of the building he'd been inside before...

He winced as his hair was yanked at again, and his view changed. Why was he swinging?

There was a big van up ahead, black... just like the one he'd drove into the harbor.

His eyes stretched wide. He was alive, this person had pulled him from hell. But it wasn't hell, it was a fire. His building exploded! That's right!

Pein! He was talking to that Akatsuki leader! He said he'd send help!

"Are you Akatsuki?" He said, still trying to figure out why he was swaying back and forth.

His rescuer clicked his tongue, "I was told you weren't the same as that idiot that escaped. But you don't listen and talk just as much."

The side door to the van slid open and the entire world spun violently before he crashed into what he assumed was the wall, and then the floor. He tried to move his arms, to pull himself from the ground, but he couldn't seem to control anything other than his mouth and eyes.

"Kimimaro, sir! I believe we have all the parts."

"Double check, put them in the bag when you're finished. Do not miss anything, I'll kill you if you do." The green eye'd man said matter-of-factly.

"Kimimaro? Did Pein send you? What's going on?"

Shikamaru received a sigh in response, and the man got into the van, shutting the door and sitting crosslegged on the floor beside him.

_Why can't I fucking get up!?_

"Shikamaru Nara. I am forbidden to torture you, but if you say another word I will stuff your head into a bag and beat you senseless. Understand? I want silence."

_My head... my head?_

Oh no... oh noo! That couldn't be right...

With a near audible snap, realization set it. Why he couldn't move, why his hair was pulled so much, why he was swinging as his rescuer walked...

The building hadn't been the only thing that exploded. The gas had been in his body, he... he was in pieces!

"That's better.." Kimimaro said, pushing his fingertips into his temples and rubbing. "I have a terrible headache... so just cooperate and make it easier for both of us."

Cooperate? COOPERATE!? He was a head sitting here on the floor of the van, what the fuck could he possibly do other than cooperate!?

Oh shit, no... this was bad. This was really bad. That man didn't rescue him, he was the one that set the trap. He was just like those other people, only he obviously wasn't such an idiot. He'd taken advantage of Shikamaru's immortality and used it against him, coming at it from a whole other angle and reducing him to a literal pile of flesh and bone so he couldn't resist.

Son of a bitch. SON OF A GODDAMN BITCH! Noo this couldn't be happening. They had him, they actually had him this time and there was nothing he could do!

Fuck! Dammit!

"I'll kill you..." He said, sounding unthreatening due to the shock he was still locked in. "I'll kill all of you." He growled, unable to put any ferocity behind it. He was a head, what could he do?

"Ohh. And you were doing so well. Oh well, here comes the bag..."

"You better fucking not! I swear to Jashin I'll rip out your guts and hang you with them you piece of fucking shit! Give me my fucking body!"

His captor reached behind him, searching presumably for the bag.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I'LL SACRIFICE YOU JUST LIKE THAT COP! I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE ANYMORE!"

It can't be happening. God how could he be so stupid? He didn't even have the ring to call for help on. It was probably still on his finger, wherever the fuck that was at.

"Ah, Juugo. I'm a little irritated at you for that... But he served his purpose at least. It was his own fault for being so rash." The sickly looking man said, pulling a small burlap sack from the darkness behind him.

"You.. he.. he was one of you?"

"Yes. He was to distract you while we broke into your little sanctuary and located the gas lines. I admit that I thought you clever before that little outburst. We lost many men to all your traps, and a few more trying to set them back up."

"You bastards!"

"I'm giving you one last chance. Shut your mouth or I'll stuff you in here and shove you in a cooler to escape your wretched shouting."

"I'll send you straight to hell..." Shikamaru snarled, trying desperately to control the helpless rage that had him on the verge of tears. He couldn't let this man capture him like some rat in a cage. There had to be something... ANYTHING!

"I'll kill you. Get that fucking thing away from me!"

Think Shikamaru! There has to be something!

"Let go you motherfucker. I'll fucking snap every one of your bones individually! You son of a bitch!"

Nothing.. there was nothing. He was trapped, outmatched.. the genius strategist had been bested. And now he had to endure whatever means of torture this man and his affiliates had planned until his immortality ran dry with lack of sacrifices and Jashin revoked his gift.

The Perfect Jashinist, Hidan had called him. How pathetic... how humiliating..

_Jashin.. I'm sorry. All that work and I've failed._

A large thump ripped him from his thoughts. The van lurched to the side and bounced back, and Kimimaro released his grip on Shikamaru's hair to steady himself. He cried out when his face hit the ground and he rolled, coming to a stop with a perfect view right up at the white haired man, staring calmly at the ceiling.

A heartbeat of eerie silence stretched on before an animalistic roar exploded into the air outside.

It was so familiar, he thought. He'd heard it before.. but where? He couldn't recall.

"What the hell was that?" His captor asked only millisecond before the side door to the van was ripped completely off and tossed away.

Shikamaru gawked as billions of little threads darted into the vehicle, wrapping themselves around everything and wrenching the metal apart like it were tin foil. The entire wall suddenly looked like a can that had been pried open with a screwdriver, and then he saw it.

A Noh mask on a giant mass or wriggling threads, molded into the form of a four-legged beast.

"IM RIGHT HERE!" His own voice shouted unwillingly, mouth moving faster than his mind. That had to be one of Kakuzu's monsters. Which meant he was saved. That also meant Pein had gone against his request but he couldn't even be mad because thank Jashin above  _he was saved!_

Kimimaro shifted and suddenly the beast was impaled with a bunch of white sticks...wait.. those looked like bones..

The man suddenly erupted into a human porcupine, shooting out millions of little white shrapnel at the beast.

The monster quivered and growled, sucking the bones into its body with audible snaps to signal their breaking, completely unaffected by the attack. In the blink of an eye the mask opened it's mouth, simultaneously reaching a threaded arm in to scoop up Shika's head and pull him to safety before a giant blast of electricity exploded from it's mouth, desolating the van and the man inside both.

Without hesitation the beast turned and launched another electric attack on the men who saw the explosion and were rushing to help.

The bodiless head of Shikamaru tangled among the monsters threads watched in awe and horror as the men seized for a second, their body glowing from the electricity before they puffed out and literally burst like a balloon.

 _Thank Jashin. I don't have a stomache right now..._ He could barely even process the massacre in front of him, let alone form any coherant thoughts about it. This was the old bastards little minion, but where was  _he_ at? If they were causing this much destruction by themselves... Good God he didn't even want to finish the thought. He could probably summarize that having kicked Kakuzu's ass that time half a year ago might possibley have been a fluke.

After all the geezer  _did_ just escape a prison he'd been held at for an entire fucking year...

Another thread monster landed heavily in front of them, making a soft clattering noise and holding up two large burlap sacks absolutly soaked with and dripping blood.

His blood, he instantly realized. The second beast had reclaimed the bits and pieces of his body. He was thrilled only for a second before he realized what was going to have to happen next.

His arch fucking enemy was going to have to literally sew him back together with those disgusting threads.

_Oh please no..._

Dear Jashin.. He'd rather be in a bag..

The thread minions seemed to have some sort of conversation with each other in a series of grunts, clicks, and groans. Then finally they both turned and Shikamaru was instantly cast into a dizzy oblivion as the one holding his head melded into the other and they launched up into the air. Spiraling up hundreds and hundreds of feet, away from the bloody mess and the dying flames of his temporary home, and then soaring out over the small city.

It hardley even registered, what with the thought that he was going to have to rely on one of the only people he hated to fix him back up while he was completley defenseless.

He shouldn't say it... he knew he shouldn't. But dammit, this could not possibley be more of a drag...


	5. Frenemies

The world was twisting and turning, flying by with such speed he could hardly comprehend. Not that he even wanted too, right now he just wanted to escape. This was a disgusting situation, he didn't want to do it, down to the very pit of his detached stomach he wished with everything he had that the monsters would just drop him and let his head plummet down to the ground and smash on the concrete like a watermelon. Surely that would kill his immortal self.

If not... well.. let's not go there.

He tried so desperately to move. There were dark threads everywhere. He knew all too well that he was actually inside the body of these monsters, being protected and cradled like a newborn baby in a mother's womb, instead of a dismembered head in the belly of a fucking living mass of yarn.

Disgusting.

He wanted to bite, but he couldn't pry his lips apart with the fear that those nasty, moving, living threads might shoot inside his mouth like in some horror film. And the absolute last fucking thing he  _ever_  wanted to do in this immortal life was  _taste_  the hideous innards of Kakuzu. It didn't help that every time he thought about it an image of Hidan kissing that man with those little tentacles slipping their way into his mouth...

It was so unfair to still have the ability to gag but not to throw up.

_Note to self; do not EVER lose your body again._

He clenched his eyes shut even harder, afraid to open them as well. If these stupid beasts moved any slower he was going to have to try to sacrifice one of Kakuzu's hearts in a fucking month when they finally reached their destination.

That thought brought a small smile to his pursed lips. Sacrifice Kakuzu? Ohh, Jashin would get a kick out of that... And it would solve he and Hidan's dilemma too. Five hearts belonging to one man, did that give him five souls?

He almost forgot where he was while he imagined it, nearly opening his mouth to lick his lips. It was so enticing that he was actually considering it. Oh how wonderfully cruel that would be, act all friendly until he stitched him up and them, haha, he'd kill off the four hearts and beat him until he couldn't move and he'd torture him until he begged for mercy or death and then he'd give him over to Jashin.

_What's WRONG with you?_

What? Nothing's wrong. It would be fun to kill Kakuzu. That's all.

_Fun? Is that what you call that sadistic shit?_

Why am I having an argument with myself in my thoughts?

_You've lost it Shika._

You're the one that's imaginary here...

Damn, He wanted to open his eyes. This was torture, having to sit here and wait patiently with nothing else to do, his thoughts were so strange, far worse than they'd been all day. Probably because he had no way to distract himself now. He could do nothing. This was just awful..

_Fine, fine. I'm not gonna kill him. It was just a thought._

That would be a dick move. If the guy actually would let by-gones be by-gones and do him such a huge favor of piecing him back together, he should be trying to think of a way to thank him, not kill him.

_Especially since I'm stealing Hidan from him... again..._

_Wow.. I AM fucked up._

He mentally sighed. This was too troublesome. He couldn't think clearly. There were no fine lines with people anymore, it seemed. It used to be so easy, doing the right thing. He could read people so well. All it took was a glance to figure out what they were feeling, and he could tell them whatever they needed to hear.

There was no negativity, no blurred edges brought on by his hatred. The only man he'd loved back then was already his. He'd never known such vicious jealousy before, it made everything so goddamned difficult.

Damn that albino. Damn him so hard.

So what if they were fated to be together? Twenty two years he'd been reborn, and gone without him, happy as can be. Apparently Hidan hadn't done too badly for himself either. They could have gone on living just fine, except for some stupid chance of fate.

This could be Kakuzu's fault too. Why'd he have to choose  _that_  house? Why'd he have to choose  _that_  town. There were so many millions of other places they could go. Sure, they'd stopped in that area to figure out who was killing people, and somehow it had ended up being Hidan, which didn't really make sense unless he'd purposely started slaughtering and sacrificing people in that area just to get them to move over there so he could end up meeting Shikamaru and...

Wait...

Hah.. no. That was ridiculous. Hidan didn't have any idea who he was either. He wasn't smart or convoluted enough for such things.

_But Jashin is._

And 'Jashin is scary clever.'

Right, Neji was due to be sacrificed, it wasn't some chance thing that had happened. Maybe Hidan really had purposely started killing people and leaving the bodies lay where someone was bound to find them, attracting the Akatsuki's attention and forcing he and Kakuzu to relocate themselves to the area. And Oh look there just happened to be a house with a chamber directly across the street from where his target lived, how coincidental. It must've been some twisted ploy by Jashin. In fact if Shikamaru remembered correctly Neji had originally wanted another house that ended up catching fire due to bad circuit wiring, and they'd settled for that one.

And of course Hidan had been introduced to Shikamaru through Neji, who was the great descendant of Hidan's master. Neji had moved to town in his teens, meaning he wasn't originally from there, meaning had his family not settled there, for whatever reason, they would have never met either.

_Did you have a hand in that too Jashin? You prick._

Huh.. maybe his entire life had been planned out by the demon God. Maybe everything he did, every thought he had was influenced by the deity he didn't know owned his soul.

Why though? He still didn't understand why Jashin would go to all the trouble.

 

He was shaken from his thoughts, nearly gasping as everything jerked heavily and he was jolted back from his almost-nap. His eyes snapped open to reveal his vision completely blocked by writhing threads that made him think of staring into a snake-pit, and he quickly clenched them tightly shut again.

The threads vibrated, and making a soft moaning erupt all around him, nearly sending stars behind his eyelid with the volume of it, and then he felt himself moving, being pushed by the gross snake-like tendrils down until fresh air his his face. He basked in it, wishing he had lungs to breathe it in. Oh thank Jashin, wherever the monsters were headed, they seemed to have arrived, and he could get out of that hellhole and get his body back-

Oh. Right. In order to get his body back Kakuzu had to stitch him up...

He opened his eyes, peeking at first. And when he was met with those damned evil christmas-colored eyes staring right back he nearly screamed. However, he managed to cover it rather nicely, Hidan-style.

"SON OF A BITCH!" He shouted, and the threads still holding him up twitched.

Kakuzu didn't react in the slightest.

"Holy fucking shit you scared the hell out of me... I thought I was screwed.." He said, instantly regretting it.

"Who says you aren't?" Came the deep, gravelly reply.

Unsure of how to reply to this, Shikamaru remained quiet, cautiously eyeing the man who only stared back with his usual unreadable expression. It dawned on Shikamaru that he wasn't wearing his mask, and somewhere in the back of his head he wondered why. But the more pertinent thought here was that he was just  _staring_. Why didn't he say something? Hurry up and put him back together so that Shika could be on his fucking way and they wouldn't have to stay in each other's company for any longer than necessary. Then he could contact Pein again, tell him there's no way in hell he's working with Kakuzu, and have him send Itachi whenever he returned from whatever quest he was on.

"Where is Hidan?" Kakuzu asked, finally turning to study the bag of body parts his second thread minion was holding. Shikamaru blinked, not having even noticed that they separated again.

"I could ask you the same question."

"Don't play games with me  _boy._  He's been gone for far too long, You're lucky I don't just kill you now."

Shikamaru forced his mouth to remain shut, pushing back his rage at this comment. Mostly because it was true, he was completely at Kakuzu's mercy here, damn it all.

"If you could... " He started, having to stop and grind his teeth before he could continue. Jashin Damn, he really didn't want to be in this situation.

Kakuzu raised a mocking eyebrow, revealing no other expression than interest, but still implying that he knew  _exactly_  what the novice Jashinist was going to say, and knew  _exactly_  how much he didn't want to say it.

_Just wait until your back is turned, motherfucker._

No, no killing Kakuzu. Not until we find Hidan, at least.

"Dammit don't make me ask for help. You know I need it."

Surprisingly, the old man released the strangest noise at this, is Shikamaru weren't absolutely sure the bastard were incapable of joy he might think it to be some weird sort of laugh. He stared incredulously at the once-again serious face of his nemesis.

"It's terrible how much he's corrupted you." He said, finally grabbing the blood-soaked bag and turning to walk away. "Unfortunate for the entire world..."

Shikamaru's head started moving forward, and he could only assume that the thread monster holding him was following. It was only just now that he noticed they'd been on a rooftop, and were now heading for the landing door. Just before he was about to enter, the dark-skinned man whirled around, bringing his face uncomfortably close to Shikamaru, who was unable to do anything to squirm away.

"Listen closely though. I did not  _rescue_  you, it was a coincidence. I didn't take into account that you and Hidan's chakra signatures would be so much alike, you were mistaken for him, and that's the only reason that you're here right now."

He turned again, opening the door and starting down the stairwell. The monster holding Shikamaru followed yet again.

"And I'm not  _helping_  you either. I'm only going to do this because you're the only lead I have as to Hidan's whereabouts. I couldn't give less of a shit about your well-being."

The longest awkward silence ever in history followed this statement. Really, how was he supposed to respond to that? 'I don't fucking like you either but thanks for saving my fucking ass and sewing me back together, you stupid bitch.'

Yeah, that would keep him alive.

They turned a million times, trudging down the stairs at the monotonous pace of a sloth. Shikamaru had to literally bite his tongue to keep himself from protesting. He just wanted to get his body back, find Hidan, laugh in Kakuzu's face when he broke up with him, and then be on his way and get his life back in order. He didn't want to fucking dilly-dally around with this bastard and his mangled old bones while he put him back together like a living goddamn puzzle, probably just as fucking slowly as they were going down these stairs.

He was probably doing it on purpose, silently laughing up there ahead of him, taking his sweet time with his whole body that he had control of while the head of Shikamaru Nara lagged behind, wishing that he would just spontaneously combust so that he could escape this awful fucking situation.

"Are you going to explain what happened?" Kakuzu finally said, his voice even deeper than usual in the echoey metal-and-stone stairwell.

"Why would I do that?"

"I was asking if you were going to or not, not asking you to do it."

"Why would you ask at all?"

"Your discomfort is infecting me, it's pissing me off. If you wish to talk then do it, I'm used to tuning annoying people out."

"Well maybe if you'd hurry up we could get this over with and be on our way."

"Have it your way."

Kakuzu waved his hand behind him, and a sense of dread overcame Shikamaru when the monster holding him started to convulse, somehow managing to still move slowly down the stairs.

Before he had time to do anything other than shout, the beast lurched to the side, diving over the rails and plummeting down, down, down, in the dangerously small space between each flight. He heard himself shouting, but could do nothing to stop it until the threads holding him landed heavily on the ground in a pile that kept his detached head safe from harm.

"I liked you better before, You were quiet and kept to yourself."

He would have jumped if he could at hearing Kakuzu so close. How the hell had he gotten down here so fast? And what kind of goddamn skyscraper were they in to have so many stairs!?

"You didn't have to give me a fucking heart attack!" He shouted, wishing more than anything he could will his hands to jump out of that bag and strangle the asshole.

"You didn't shout back then either. Your boyfriend did, but not you."

"Dammit would you just shut up and fix me please? This is awful."

Kakuzu stopped walking and turned to regard him with a stoic calmness that made Shikamaru's skin crawl.

"Hm. Fine. Let's get this over with." He pushed open the heavy door and stepped inside. By the time the minion followed, the lights had flickered on, and the Nara could have shit himself at what he saw.

It was a vault. A motherfucking giant vault door like the shit you see straight out of the movies.

"What the hell is this?" He shrilled, unable to take his eyes off the shining metal as he was laid gently on the floor by threaded hands.

"I don't do favors for free." Came Kakuzu's voice above loud footsteps and the disgusting sound of detached body parts hitting the floor in a heap.

"What the hell are you saying?"

"After I put you back together out of sheer generosity, you're going to go in there with that shadow-jump and repay me."

"It's not generosity if you force me to steal money from a fucking bank-vault for you!"

"Would you rather I leave you here in this condition?"

Silence dragged on as Shikamaru fought an inner war with himself. Obviously he couldn't decline. And really, if it were anyone other than this fucking scrooge he probably wouldn't mind. After all, he killed people for a living, what more would robbing a bank do to his record?

But dammit, being more-or-less blackmailed into it, that was not only infuriating, but fucking insulting. It was bad enough that he was reduced to asking help of the guy he was going to completely screw over as soon as they found Hidan...  _Really Jashin. Do you have to obliterate every moral I have?_ But having to become an accomplice in a crime all because of his stupid greed just to get himself free of this dependency? C'mon... it was just too much.

_You could just kill him._

Yeah.. that would work. Did you not see what happened back at that van?

_Sacrifice his hearts._

I'm talking to myself again...

_Kill him and give him to Jashin._

"Fuck!" He said out loud, and the slightest crease edged at the corner of Kakuzu's mouth.

"That's what I thought. Now keep your trap shut so I can concentrate." He said, arranging something on the ground below Shikamaru's head that the immortal refused to even think about. He wanted to bitch and moan, to sling threats and tell the bastard to get his old nasty fucking hands off him, to quit touching what was mostly likely his bare flesh and ugh..  _Oh Jashin... just knock me out. I don't want to be conscious..._

"I hate everything..." He muttered, staring up at the ceiling. Damn the anger, all it did was make it worse. And also helped him from feeling a crippling depression that had him nearly bursting into tears, the only thing he actually  _could_  do. Honestly, could things get any more fu-

....Actually, he should really know better than to ask that question by now...

"You complained just as much.." Kakuzu muttered in return.

"Do you have to have a smartass comeback for everything? Jashin, at least with Hidan you can laugh at his stupidity. You're just a bastard."

"Might I remind you of your predicament?"

"Yeah, trust me. It's kind of hard to forget that you're nothing but a goddamn head."

"The sooner you're quiet, the faster I can work. Your skin is burned everywhere, the edges are frayed and it's rather difficult."

"Great. So you're going to hold me hostage here until I've recovered enough to break into this vault."

Kakuzu paused his movement. And Shikamaru couldn't even enjoy the perplexed silence. "All my chakra is going to be sucked dry while I recover from this shit. The jutsu you want me to use requires a big chunk. I can't do it right away. It'll be a few hours at the least."

The elder man returned to his task, letting the silence drag on.

"I'd think someone who's lived with Hidan so long would know that."

"Shut up." Came the pert reply, and a stab of pain shot briefly up his neck. He hissed through his teeth, but otherwise managed not to continue letting his mouth run.

Yeah, he probably was being unreasonably annoying, but talking was all he could do. If Hidan had ever been in this situation (And he undoubtedly had after two hundred years) he could sort of understand why the man was always so loud and obnoxious. It was a horrible feeling, being utterly helpless. Humiliating, shameful, depressing, infuriating, it was every negative emotion swirling around together in a hurricane headed down bullshit avenue.

Dear Jashin... how had it come to this?

_Because someone blabbed your secret._

Right. That man, Kimimaro, he'd said Juugo was working with him. Which could lead him to logically believe that maybe those girls and the man had been too.

But the only distinction he could tell was that the first bunch had been Jashinists... maybe they all were? Kimimaro had been saying something about someone needed all the pieces, needing Shikamaru intact. He'd referenced someone else, which meant they were working for someone... but who?

"Hidan's been captured..." He said quietly. As much as he despised Kakuzu, they shared a common goal. And in all honesty he probably  _was_  better suited to the job of tracking down the zealot than Itachi. It was a blessing as much as a curse that he would show up.

Again the elder man paused his work to look up to Shikamaru, silently asking him to explain.

"They were trying to get me too. That's... how this happened. I escaped their attempts twice before, I guess they finally got tired of messing around and decided to get serious."

"And why do you think Hidan has been taken prisoner?"

"Well, for one, because you're here looking for him. Last I saw of him he was heading back to you." Shikamaru said, trying to sound bitter so as to not reveal exactly  _why_  the man who had become a rope in a game of tug-of-war was going back.

"So he was here then." Kakuzu said, before Shikamaru yelped at a sharp sting in his leg.

"I thought that would be obvious seeing as I'm still alive..." He trailed off, realizing the fact that he'd actually felt pain in a body part besides his head. Relief and partial excitement poured through him, pushing him to attempt to sit up to look at his reattached body. 'Attempt' being the key word. As soon as he made any movement at all thousands of needles and threads tugged at various parts of his skin, forcing a choking sound from his throat and making him go stiff from the pain. Mercifully, a tanned hand shoved him roughly back onto the ground where he stated wide-eyed at the dark stainless steel ceiling, jaw clenched to prevent him from screaming.

"I haven't even gotten your organs back in idiot. Stay still." Kakuzu's voice growled distantly behind the ringing in his ears. "God forbid I ever have to put with with two of you idiots at the same time..." He mumbled shortly after.

_Did he just say God?_

Tch, no. This man's as atheist as it gets.

_He said God._

It's just a saying.

_**Kill him.** _

STOP IT!

"S-sorry.." The Nara rasped to escape the persistently increasing conversations in his head. He really needed to visit a therapist. Would medication work on an immortal?

"Who was it?" He was asked, bringing him back to reality.

"What?"

"Who was it that blew you apart?" The elder said quickly, irritation creasing his brow.

"I don't know... I thought at first it was other Jashinists, maybe trying keep us contained, prevent anyone else from being immortalized. But I'm not sure that's right anymore."

"Why not?" Kakuzu said, having to hold Shikamaru down when whatever he was doing sent another jolt of agony through his battered body.

"Because. It doesn't make sense. If they wanted to stop it then they would just kill us. I'm sure they know how."

"They don't."

The immortal grimaced through a flex of his fingers. It hurt like hell, but just being able to feel them move was fully worth the pain. Frankly, it was amazing that his nerves and muscles had already healed well enough in this tiny amount of time for him to do anything at all.

"Why do you say that?"

"Have you forgotten why Hidan reappeared in your life again?"

Oh, right. Everyone had thought the man dead when he went missing for over a year, when it turned out he was held captive by Jashinists those 6 months ago... it would make sense that he would know what they were capable of. Surely he had overheard quite a few conversations in such a length of time.

"If they knew how to kill you, they would know how to acquire what they were after, and they wouldn't have tried to use me to get it."

Yeah... that made sense. But at the same time sent everything else back to its previous state. Like he was working so hard on a jigsaw puzzle, but had to go on a scavenger hunt to find the pieces. And it didn't help that he had people trying to kidnap him constantly riding his ass either.

"So you think I'm on the right track?"

"I'm only collecting data. I couldn't care less about your opinion." Kakuzu said naturally, causing a flare of anger that made Shikamaru grind his teeth. Thankfully though, the man posing as his surgeon finally stood up. The minion still standing behind him opened it's mask mouth with a loud crack, and the edge of some sort of fabric stuck out, almost like a tongue. Tanned hands of the man he hated but unfortunately owed his life to latched onto it and yanked it out, tossing it down onto Shikamaru where it draped over his thighs and sensitive area above them.

The Jashinist kept quiet, overcome by the humiliation of the thought that just occurred to him.

Dear Jashin... Kakuzu had not only seen but had to reattach his man-parts.

_No... really Jashin. If you could just kill me... that'd be great._

Kakuzu's echoey footsteps trailed off, and the younger, no longer bodiless man was slightly disheartened to realize he wanted to call out and ask where he was going. He hated the guy, yes. But that didn't mean he wanted to be left alone at the door of a vault, unable to move his only recently repaired body. He wouldn't put it past the old bastard to do something like that either.

Greedy son of a bitch, if it weren't for Hidan's influence in the situation he wouldn't be surprised if the money-grubbing asshole didn't just abandon him after they got the money out of here.

This thought made the Nara impatient. Dammit, he'd been laying here helpless long enough. He wanted to get up and move, act on his own and have his body respond to him. It really couldn't have been more than an hour or two since he'd been ripped to shreds. But with everything that had occurred within that small time-frame, it felt like an eternity.

He could already feel the chakra that had only recently started trickling back through him rushing to repair the damage. If he could get himself to be angry enough he could probably be good as new in the next ten minutes. However, as uncomfortable as the situation was, he didn't feel anger. No as long as Kakuzu wasn't sitting there spitting out his fucking smartass replies and asking his stupid questions for 'data collection'. What a tool.

Again Shikamaru flexed his fingers, and a grin stretched it was across his face when he only felt the tug of the stitching and miniscule prickles of pain.

He wiggled the digits on the other hand, nearly laughing out loud at the sensation of being in control of his body again.

Maybe he would heal faster than he thought...

"Hey..." He called out, making a face when he didn't receive a reply. "HEY! How long did it take Hidan to recover from something like this?" If he'd ever needed to, that is. Surely he'd been blown to smithereens once or twice in the couple centuries he's been alive. Even if Kakuzu's only been around for not quite one, and there was no telling how much of that time they'd known each other.

Still silence, where the hell did he go?

Taking a deep breath, he rolled his head to the side, wincing when his neck stitches pained him, but still feeling successful at the small movement.

Aside from the thread monster sitting eerily motionless beside him, there was nothing to see. A stainless steel wall that towered up to the twenty-foot ceiling, and the edge of the vault door itself.

He focused instead on Kakuzu's mask waiting patiently beside him like a guard dog. At least he knew the old man hadn't run off if his puppet was still here...

"Hey.. monster-thing. Psst!" He said to it, getting ignored just as he'd expected.

Shikamaru sighed, time was dragging on. He needed to be back on his feet, he needed to go find Hidan and rescue him so he could beat the shit out of him for getting caught and then hold him down and kiss him into oblivion. After the zealot broke up with Kakuzu that is. Or maybe before. He honestly didn't really fucking care either way... All he knew is he missed that loud-mouthed, vulgar, brainless oaf like crazy all the sudden. Sitting here in this dumb room with this dumb creature beside him, unable to move or do anything other than talk, and the only other animate being with him wouldn't say a damn word. It was like torture. He'd give anything to have Hidan beside him, he didn't care if the man was pissed off and going off on some rant or just making fun of him for the humiliating scenario that had just occurred... He just missed him...

"Can you move yet?" Came that familiar deep, gravely voice, accompanied by increasingly loud footfalls.

_Oh thank Jashin he's back._

Don't thank anyone, you hate him.

_Oh just shut up._

"Kind of. I haven't tried very much."

"At least try putting those pants on, I'm tired of seeing that pathetic thing."

Shikamaru's jaw fell open. Did he seriously just insult his dick? And also, those were pants he tossed on him? Awe, how fucking considerate to make him clothes from his nasty threads... fucking shiteater.

"Don't be fucking jealous just because it's not old and wrinkly." The younger growled, doing his best to lift himself and pretend like it didn't feel like a thousand little knives stabbing into him over and over at every single tiny movement.

_Embrace the pain. Embrace it. Wrap it around you like a blanket._

Fuck this hurts.

_You're not even trying._

"The maturity of that retort is breathtaking."

"Hey you started it, bastard."

"As was that one."

"You-Guh- Just shut up! Damn. I don't know how he puts up with you."

"How  _he_  puts up with  _me_? You're confused, boy."

"No. You're ridiculous. Way more arrogant than Hidan has  _ever_  been, at least he doesn't try to be something he's not. 'I'm so old and wise and everyone else is immature and stupid.' It's a load of shit. What kind of wise old man makes cracks about gentalia?"

Kakuzu was suddenly next to him, multicolored eyes glaring so hard that Shikamaru thought he might burst into flames... again.

"Watch what you say. You're still at my mercy."

"That's what you think." Shikamaru said, glaring right back.

The elder's eyes widened only slightly before narrowing again, and Shika couldn't help the sneer that stretched across him. He had Kakuzu stuck in Shadow possession, along with his little minion too. It had been ridiculously easy, actually. The light reflected so well off the walls in here that there were literally a thousand little almost invisible shadows on each figure in the room. Combine them all and manipulate and what resulted was something even stronger than his original jutsu, seeing as Shikamaru was holding them from every single angle.

"I really don't understand what it is that makes people underestimate me... but I guess it's an asset.." He muttered to the captive man, who's expression showed his increasing anger.

"Release the jutsu or I'm going to tear you apart again and scatter you across the world.'

"Quit making threats and treating me like shit and I'd be happy to."

"You will get respect when you have earned it."

"I KICKED YOUR ASS ONCE OLD MAN, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!"

"You owe me a dept, boy. It increases each time you irritate me."

"I never said I wasn't going to get you your stupid money..." He said, releasing the jutsu. Not because Kakuzu requested it, but because he was getting lightheaded trying to hold it and continue repairing himself at the same time. "Quit lording it over my head. I'm fucking grateful alright? It would be a hell of a lot easier to say 'thank you' if you weren't such a dick. Seriously..."

The man wasn't moving, simply looking back and forth between Shikamaru's eyes with his own slightly narrowed. Finally he Hmph'd and stood up.

Shikamaru averted his gaze when the stitches on his back opened up and the thread minion behind him dove inside in a disgusting display. "Put on your clothes and let's go. "

Shikamaru looked back at him quizzically. "Go?"

Instead of replying, Kakuzu only turned and headed back out into the room where the stairs started.

"Hey wait!" The Jashinist said, gritting his teeth and struggling to move quickly as he tried to frantically put on pants and get up at the same time.

Damn these stitches fucking hurt.

"I thought you wanted me to-"

"I've decided to hang on to the favor you owe me. This was just a convenient place to operate, no interruptions."

Shikamaru was swept with a dizzying combination of relief and horror. And he was greeted with a tightness in his chest he both relished and hated. He was  _saving_  his favor? Wait a second, He'd never even been granted one, Shika was only going to rob the stupid bank because Kakuzu threatened not to put him back together. And that was null and void now. And even more disturbing than that, is the bastard held on to it then at any given moment the Nara might have to throw himself into a horrible situation on his request. Even though he didn't technically  _have_  to. This was all a matter of keeping one's word.

He sighed heavily and grunted as he pushed himself to his feet, focusing on breathing evenly to distract himself from the violent protesting of his legs.

A Jashinist never breaks their word... goddamit.

This could seriously,  _seriously_  complicate things. And complexity was the absolute last fucking thing the recipe of his life called for, even though it continued to be kneaded in relentlessly.

He hobbled along, coming to a stop at the base of the stairs and staring up at the billions of flights with an expression that was probably similar to that of a sad puppy. "There's no way in hell I can do this..." He said, and Kakuzu's face poked over the railing three stories up, brow raised in both question and mock.

"My fuckin' legs are gonna fall off!"

"Sounds like an unfortunate situation for you." He replied, continuing up the stairs.

"Are you kidding me right now!?" Shikamaru whined, more to himself than the older man.

"Do I come off as someone who makes jokes?"

The ragdoll of a man remained quiet, glaring up the staircase. Maybe he  _would_  kill the bastard, not only would it end the unnecessary torture, it would free him of this stupid 'favor' situation, which could be used horribly against him. Especially if they found Hidan, the zealot tried to leave him, and he did something stupid like order him to tell the love of his life to fuck off.

He definitely would kill him then, or die trying. Despite repeatedly being put in these awful situations because of the maniac who stole his heart, he would never make the mistake of letting him get away again.

He clicked his tongue, closing his eyes and putting his first two fingers to his lips. If Kakuzu could use his minions to carry Shikamaru around, he could make his own shadowbeasts to help him out when he needed it. Up until now he'd only make small little twig-like ones, but surely it couldn't be that hard. The only thing stopping him might be the lack of chakra, though maybe the excess of shadows would help make up for it.

He imagined it clearly in his mind, just make a big lunker, something spider-like to just carry him up quickly and efficiently, so he could flip Kakuzu the bird as he went by. Concentrate the chakra in the shadows, feel them around you, swarming at your feet, and mold the energy into an animate object. Easy stuff, he could do this.

Until the wall exploded. That made things rather difficult.

The half-created blob of shadow instead lurched in front of him, successfully turning itself into a shield to keep him from having to be part of two detonated buildings in one day. He let out a swear, (or maybe that was his temporary partner up above, he wasn't exactly sure in all the mayhem) and threw an arm over his face.

_You can't be serious. They can't be back already._

He couldn't fight in this condition. He was still stiff, and every movement sent little slices of pain throughout him. Dammit, he was going to have to depend on Kakuzu to protect him. FUCK! Just... just fuck. Fuck everything! Why could he get a goddamn break.

No, wait. This is okay, he needed to be angry, this was the perfect fuel. Once he was pissed enough he would start healing almost instantly, and if he could get some of their blood in his mouth, even fucking better.

"Bring it on you bastards! I'll kill all of you!" He shouted, unlocking his knees and semi-squatting with his hands clamped together. He was going to bitch slap these guys with every last ounce of chakra he could spare.

But he didn't have the chance. He barely even saw the strings as they flew in through the still smoking hole in the the wall and attached to him at various places. He voiced his confusion aloud and attempted to tear himself free before the strings snapped tight, glimmering a faint blue. His eyes widened, he'd seen these before... where was it? This was someone's jutsu and he knew who it was... but was it a friend or enemy.

Before he could come to a conclusion his body moved on it's own, making him nearly roar in pain as he was forced to run forward, out of the hole through the ridiculously thick concrete layered on each side with metal. Holy shit, whoever managed to blow a hole through this was either insane or the best damn explosives expert ever.

"Goddamit!" He snarled, coming to a stop outside only for the fact that none other than Kakuzu rushed to the rescue, his arm turning black and glowing the same smoggy color while he used it to cut through the strings. It was only a momentary victory, as Shikamaru was suddenly snatched from behind and hauled upward so fast that he thought his stomach might fall right back out of his body.

He almost wanted to laugh at the annoyed expression on Kakuzu's face as he got smaller and smaller, and then he really did laugh when a white blur raced by, disrupting his vision of the man and apparently dropping a handful of bombs down onto him at the same time. The ground around where the elder man had been standing erupted into fire and sound, and Shikamaru still couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

He was flung upward into the air and sent into a flailing plummet back down after the slow motion crescent in the air. Joviality gone, he made a frantic note to at the very least draw the summoning symbol for his scythe on his hand, seeing as the glove had been turned to ash in the explosion. Having the stolen weapon would be really nice right about now, seeing as he was about to fall to his doom and his stitches surely would not hold through the impact.

_Dammit. Can't catch a single fucking break._

Stop it, you need to focus, you're under attack.

_And dipshit is defending you, which is degrading._

These voices needed to stop. Like Now.

Okay, think.. right, just make a shadow extension and grab onto the building. You can run off while Kakuzu is busy fighting, then you won't have to deal with him and you'll avoid the battle.

Cowardly?

Yes.

Did he care?

_Not one damn bit._

He focused his precious little trickle of chakra, wondering why the hell it was so hard to get angry here recently. He could whoop these guys and Kakuzu alike if he could just get a little pissed. He reached out with his three dimensional octopus hand, grasping for anything. He couldn't make it long enough, he didn't have enough chakra. He'd wasted it all on the spider that had turned to a shield.

The ground was coming, and he gritted his teeth.

_This is going to fucking hurt._

The white blur caught his eye just before he realized it was coming straight at him. And his eyes widened, mind finally jumping to action just before he would have fallen straight on top of it. He slug his arm back and cracked it like a whip, slicing what he suddenly recognized to be some cartoony version of a falcon right in two. The person who'd been previously on top of it shouted and leaped off.

It looked like a woman, dammit. He didn't want to have to kill another girl, especially not a blonde. Whoever it was sailed toward him in the air almost like a cat pouncing.

Oh shit, he was still falling.

A body smalled into his, pushing him backward on single flip until his back inexplicably pressed into something soft. His inertia suddenly changed directions completely and his stomach actually physically rolled inside him. He silently cursed Kakuzu while he clutched at his gut, opening his eyes after a millisecond when he remembered what was happening, and then yelping when for a brief second he met a pair of bright blue iris's right before a fist collided with his cheek.

His neck cracked sickly when his head jerked to the side from the impact, and he groaned from the nauseating pain from not only the punch but the lingering effects of having his stomach shift inside him.

"You fucking idiot! What do you think you're doing attacking me, hm? Just saved your ass!"

That... that was most certainly not a woman's voice..

He opened his eyes, still staring out sideways in his half fetal position as the earth around him zoomed past. He was flying, on a big soft white thing..

"Sasori! I got him! Let's go yeah?" The horribly un-feminine voice shouted from beyond his viewing range.

_Sasori... isn't that.._

Wait a second here...

 

 

Hah.

HahahaHAHAHA! No way!

He sat up, his inner laugh working it's way into an actual one as he stared at a very confused drag-queen.

"Deidara? What the fuck are you doing here?" He chuckled, still unable to stop himself. He hadn't seen this guy in nearly three years. And now he randomly shows up out of the blue claiming to have saved his ass. Who the hell had he saved his ass from? It was his fault he'd been falling hundreds of feet in the first place.

Oh no, that had been those chakra strings that caught him and threw him into the air.

OH YEAH! He'd thought those strings had looked familiar. He'd never even seen the redhead use them but for that brief interrogation they had with Sasuke. Sasori was his name... Damn, he hadn't seen these two in years, he'd actually completely forgotten about them. And why it tickled him so much for them to be here was quite honestly beyond him.

No wait, it made perfect sense why it was so hilarious. It was because they'd attacked Kakuzu.

 

...Why were they attacking Kakuzu?

 

"What're you doing?" He called out to the blonde, who snapped his head back to glare at him.

"The boss sent us to help you out, hm. Seeing as we're the only people left in the Akatsuki that doesn't take a damn vacation every other day."

"No, I mean why are you attacking Kakuzu?"

"Kakuzu?"

"Yeah. Kakuzu."

_If I hear his name one more damn time..._

"Is that who's down there?"

"Uh, yeah. Go look."

"Are you sure, hm?"

"YESS that's him goddammit!"

After leaning back over the bird to glare down for a minute, the blonde let out a string of profanities and made some combinations of hand signs. He twisted around and pointed to Shikamaru, then at the bird-mount in an obvious order to stay put. Then he turned and leaped off.

The Nara stared blankly for a moment, blinking. The white bird he was sitting on, that he now realized was clay, began turning in a slow circle like a vulture, high above the chaos down below. He rolled onto his stomach, digging his fingers into the sculpture to look over the side. There was a peaceful kind of serenity he felt sitting up here and waiting the smoke plume up. Being able to watch from a distance the insanity that he was usually involved in directly was nice for a change.

As bizarre as all of this was, He couldn't help but find this strange sort of humor in the situation. Everyone claimed to hate Hidan, and yet whenever he went missing all hell broke loose...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://wierdowithagun.deviantart.com/art/Ritualistic-2-466564720?q=gallery%3Awierdowithagun&qo=0
> 
> Redrew Shikamaru's Ritual Skin for anyone interested. >.> The old version irritated me.


	6. Burning Bridges

Bright blue eyes stared into his own glaring ones as he slipped another chip into his mouth.

A bunch of ex-criminals capable of running the country if they wanted to and all they had to eat was a bag of chips.

Fuckin' ridiculous

"What the hell are you staring at?" He finally said.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out, hn." The blond retorted, making Shikamaru accidentally crush his handful of chips in anger. This only irritated him further.

This whole situation was just stupid. A large scale fight had erupted after Shikamaru's 'rescue', when Deidara and Sasori mistakenly attacked Kakuzu thinking he was the person who their boss claimed was trying to kidnap Shikamaru. That scene had been rather funny if he could say so himself.

* * *

 

He stared down at the continuing battle, unsure really of what emotion he was feeling. There were a lot of things to consider here that he'd realized all at once. The first being that Deidara claimed Nagato hsd sent them, and that meant he had not sent Kakuzu. This should have been obvious right away, given the elder man's behavior, but at the same time the Nara was rather occupied with getting his body back.

And if Kakuzu had not been sent, then repairing Shikamaru really  _had_ been a favor that he was now apparently obligated to return.

The second bit that actually confused him more than anything was that somehow, even though Kakuzu had stated that Shikamaru's chakra had changed to closely resemble Hidan's, Deidara and Sasori somehow managed to find him and recognize that it was him, but they hadn't been able to tell that Kakuzu wasn't an enemy.

He watched the battle below, unable to wipe the smirk from his face despite the dwindling joy he felt due to the bizarre situation. He listened to the unintelligible shouting back and forth of Blondie and the Red-head, trying to determine exactly why they wouldn't know it was him. For a moment he considered the possibility that it wasn't him. He didn't really know the guy well enough to tell if he was acting strange or not, but he was definitely being as much as a douche as usual, maybe slightly nicer than last time they'd met, but still insufferable all the same. But if he were trying to cause harm he certainly wouldn't have helped him out so much.

The explosions stopped finally, and Shikamaru stared down the hundreds of feet below him as he waited for the smoke to clear. He could hear sirens, and of course there was a large crowd gathering around the large bank in what was actually a rather large city. He absently sighed, Kakuzu could be just as dumb as Hidan, it seemed.

No, it was Deidara that had blown a hole in the wall... He wasn't all that intelligent either if he recalled correctly, possibly even dumber than the original immortal himself.

There were four little figures down below, and when he squinted he could kinda-sorta make out the three Akatsuki members, the fourth he was baffled about until he discovered later it had actually been some sort of battle puppet, as ridiculous as that sounded. That was Sasori's specialty, puppeteering. That's what his little chakra strings were about. Honestly, Shikamaru thought that to be kind of lame, but who was he to judge?

They stood around for awhile, talking presumably, as Shikamaru fidgeted up above. If they didn't hurry the hell up then the authorities were going to get involved and the situation would get even messier and more confusing, and if that happened Shikamaru was definitely going to blow a gasket.

Finally, just as he was getting ready to leap off and hope someone caught him before he slapped down onto the ground and tore himself apart again, the bird swooped suddenly downward, slowing down only long enough for the three uncomfortably silent ex-criminals to hop on board before rocketing off into the night and away from the crime scene.

 

* * *

 

"You really don't have any idea why it's changed so drastically?" Sasori said to Kakuzu beside him, not trying to hide the fact that he was blatantly ignoring not only Shikamaru, but Deidara as well.

Kakuzu shook his head, face revealing absolutely nothing as usual.

"So what the hell is this hm? Are you the freak spawn of those zombies or what?" The blonde said, gesturing to Shikamaru's stitched up body.

"You should be careful how you talk to me. I'm not exactly in a good mood." He crunched into another chip after that, refusing to break eye contact. Luckily he wasn't trying to be threatening, or he would have failed miserably. At the moment he was just trying to stay awake until they arrived at whatever safe place they were headed. Then he was going to sleep until he couldn't anymore. Or at least until another non-nightmare woke him up.

"What're you gonna do hm?  _Sacrifice_  me? I heard you joined that psychos cult. Honestly I thought you were smarter than that, gave you too much credit yeah?"

"This will be the second warning." Shikamaru said almost boredly. "Watch your mouth."

"Just shut up brat. Don't make this any worse than it needs to be." Sasori finally intervened.

"It's never a wise decision to engage an enemy when you don't know what they're capable of." Kakuzu added, making Shikamaru freeze in the middle of stuffing another chip in his mouth.

Did Kakuzu just haphazardly compliment him?

_Of course not. He's your enemy._

When did we decide he was an enemy?

_He stole Hidan from you._

_**He needs to die.** _

He turned to peek at the older man from the corner of his eye. Kakuzu was sitting with his arms and legs crossed, his head was slightly bowed and his eyes were shut, almost as if meditating.

"I know what he's capable of, hn, I fought him before remember?"

"And I beat the shit out of you."

"Look at his chakra you idiot. He's not the same, and if he were anything but stronger he'd be dead."

"I beat Kakuzu's ass too..."

The two paused long enough to look at the older man, who remained statuesque and silent, before looking back to Shikamaru.

"Yeah right. Sasori can barely hold his own against him. You're making it up, hm."

"Nope, it happened." He said, looking out at the clouds they soared over and below. "It probably was a fluke though. It was right after he came back from the dead. He was at a disadvantage. A big one..."

"I engaged an enemy without knowing their abilities." Kakuzu said, nearly making Shikamaru jump when he turned back to find the older man studying him.

He stared cautiously for a moment, tearing his own gaze away and shifting uncomfortably when the stitched up man refused to do so.

_Kill him, right now._

Stop it.

"Yeah well... regardless. We've all improved since we last saw each other. I want a rematch, yeah?" Deidara said, his almost cheerful voice contrasting greatly from the suspicious glances he was giving them both.

Sasori's hand raised threateningly for a moment before the blonde caught sight of it and quickly changed the subject.

"But that's for another time, so what's the story with ... this... hm?" He said, again gesturing to Shikamaru's battered appearance, who sighed heavily and finished off the bag of chips. A vague image of his old best friend flickered through his mind briefly at the act. Choji was always munching on chips...

"I really don't feel like explaining. I've told this to like six different people already..." He exaggerated with a whine.

"We do need to know what's going on." Sasori said calmly, staring roboticly at him. "Nagato gave us only the instructions to locate and rescue you, and assist in finding Hidan."

"So the basic question here is what the hell did that idiot get himself into this time, and why should I care hm?"

"Would you just shut your mouth, brat. Honestly you're no better than him sometimes." Sasori snapped.

"Agreed." Kakuzu added.

"Hey can we stop shit-talking Hidan maybe?" Shika interrupted.

"Oh right, I forgot you two had a thing hm. I won so much money from that bet."

"A bet?"

"Yeah Kisame started a pool to see who Hidan would choose."

"WHAT!?"

"Must be freaking awkward to sit there next to each other huh?"

"You guys fucking gambled on our love lives?"

"Kakuzu made the most, yeah."

"YOU!?"

The older man shrugged nonchalantly while Deidara chuckled like mad and the novice jashinist stared around at all of them like they were madmen.

 

_They are insane. They're Akatsuki after all._

Yeah, and I'd fit right in with these voices in my head.

 

"I..wha.. Are you fucking serious right now?"

"Unfortunately they are. Bunch of children.." Sasori sighed, pulling his sleeve up and making the Nara's jaw drop open when he opened a compartment in his flesh-colored  _wooden_  arm and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper.

Deidara only cackled harder upon noticing Shikamaru's gawking.

He was trying to determine whether the Red-head had a prosthetic arm or if his whole body was like that, trying to get it through his head that the most heart-wrenching time of his life had been taken so light-heartedly by his only somewhat friends that they'd actually turned it into a fucking gamble. He was trying to understand what the fuck was even happening right now, what would happen next, and doing his best not to rip his hair out.

He took a deep breath. He needed meditation, is what he needed. He and Jashin needed to have a chat, something to calm his nerves and anchor him back down to reality. Something to stabilize his world and help things to start making sense again.

He needed... well. He needed Hidan back. Maybe it didn't make sense at all, but he suddenly came to the conclusion that as long as Hidan was around, things made sense. Up was up and down was down and even when it wasn't it was still okay because he had the logic of the psycho to help him through it.

Trying to make sense on an illogical situation with two sensible, grounded people and an idiot terrorist was just not working out.

"We're getting close." He finally said, rolling what Shikamaru assumed must have been a map back up and stuffing it back into his arm compartment.

"Close to where?" He asked, unable to mask his mental and physical exhaustion.

"Where we'll be staying. A safe house. You and Kakuzu both need rest judging by your appearance alone. Your chaotic chakra supports this as well."

"I'm healing..." Shika explained weakly. "It probably does look weird, that'll happen when you get blown to bits."

"You actually survived being in the middle of a large scale explosion?" Deidara said, back to his serious-but-not-serious demeanor. "One that ripped you apart!? That's insane! So you and the moron really are unkillable hm!"

"It explains the stitches as well. How convenient for Kakuzu to stumble upon you. If we'd found you like that... well you'd probably be in even worse condition."

"He was in the middle of getting himself kidnapped as well." Kakuzu finally spoke up, turning slightly to a glowering Shikamaru. "He's lucky I don't hold onto that favor as well."

"Kidnapped?" Sasori questioned, holding his hand up to signal silence when Deidara opened his mouth most likely to make some stupid wisecrack.

The man beside the immortal remained silent now, and again Shikamaru sighed. Damn that bastard, he'd coaxed them into asking what happened again even thought he'd plainly said he didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay. Fine." He said, balancing between irritation and full on anger. "How up to date are you two on Hidan and I?"

"Not very." The puppeteer said, again holding up his hand for silence when his blonde partner opened his mouth. "Seeing as we haven't seen any of the three of you in nearly three years. We only know what we've heard through gossip?"

"Gossip?" Shikamaru said, raising a brow through a bored expression.

"Yes. You two were a hot topic there for awhile. Konan, Kisame, and this brat and this brat wouldn't shut up about it."

"HEY! I was only making fun of them yeah?"

"Oh please, you were like a teenage girl."

"SASORI QUIT TELLING THEM THAT?"

"Are you embarrassed? Perhaps you shouldn't behave that way then."

"Uh, hey guys." Shikamaru said, snapping his finger and inwardly laughing. Kisame was right, these two were so far in the closet they were finding Christmas presents. "Let's stick to the topic." He eyed them both, doing his best not to look like he was teasing. Dei was turning slightly red in his scowling face, and Sasori continued to stare emotionlessly. In fact, Shikamaru hadn't seen his expression change at all.

"Okay. Here's the summary." He said quickly, flicking his gaze to Kakuzu. He really didn't want to have to explain how he and Hidan had a relationship in front of the man yet again, but the man made no movement or noise what-so-ever, so he continued.

"Two years after that fiasco in that little town Hidan came back from the dead and tried to kill me. Turns out he was actually still after Neji but he'd broken up with me and left 6 months before that. I guess he stalked me for awhile, but obviously I didn't know it was him. So to draw him out I accidentally devoted my soul to Jashin and then after I beat the shit out of him i made him swear his loyalty to me so he wouldnt go after Neji and-"

"Whoa, wait. How do you  _accidentally_  sell your soul to an imaginary God hm?" Deidara interrupts, holding up his hands in a 'time-out' symbol.

"It just fucking happened okay!? And obviously he's not fucking fake if I just survived being blown up. Just shut up and let me finish." He said, glaring and resisting the urge to just shove the drag-queen off his bird and escape his smart ass comments.

"Long story short, and this is top secret alright? No one says a word. But anyway, we ended up creating this never-before-done ritual. It's originally called a blood bond, where one Jashinist basically leeches the powers of the other and then kills them in order to become stronger. Through that I inherited some of Hidan's immortality, and he got my jutsu you know, vice-versa." He said, gauging the two's reaction. Sasori didn't make one unsurprisingly, and Deidara seemed somewhere between grossed out and cautiously interested.

"One of the drawbacks to this is that he has to hunt me down and 'sacrifice' me twice a year so we can both stay alive. He came here to do that, and after he left I've been being harassed by people that I'm not even entirely sure  _what_  their affiliation is, but they've been trying to kidnap me. The only thing I can assume is that someone let out our condition and now everyone wants a piece of it. I'm 90 percent sure whoever it is managed to capture Hidan, and they damn near got me too." He snuck a quick glance at Kakuzu, who gave an almost unnoticeable nod. "He came looking for Hidan, and mistakenly got me. I guess our chakra's have become almost identical, probably due to the whole 'sharing each others abilities' situation."

"Nagato informed us of this. It's the only reason we were able to identify you." Sasori stated calmly. "So this is a rescue mission then?"

"Uh.. yeah, basically.."

"Oh that's fucking great, yeah?" Deidara said loudly, throwing his hands up. "You two zombie idiots get yourself into more trouble than a freaking mouse in a snake pit, you know? I swear Sasori and I are the only ones in this organization that can get a job done decently."

"Quit whining, brat."

"No! This is ridiculous! You two disappeared out into your little secluded cabin in the woods," He said, gesturing to Kakuzu, "And we've had to pick up all your slack, hm. Fucking Itachi keeps having to take his little vacations to check on his brother and babysit the psycho, and every time he does that it turns into some sort of calamity. Your fault, by the way." He growls the last at Shikamaru, pointing an accusing finger at him. "We're doing everyone's work! I haven't had a decent rest in forever! Why can't you two go rescue him yourselves, since you're such a 'badass' now, yeah?"

"We've been given an order and we're going to follow it, Deidara. Shut. Up." Sasori said, raising his hand threateningly.

"Hey!" Shikamaru shouted back. He was sick of hearing Barbie's voice. "You think I  _wanted_  all this shit to happen? I'm just as fucking pissed off about it as you are! You have no fucking clue all the bullshit I keep having to go through because of that maniac!?"

"Well why the hell did you get involved with him in the first place hm!?"

"I HAD NO CHOICE!"

"You could've just killed him when he showed back up. Kakuzu wouldn't have been there to bail his ass out and I wouldn't be here looking at your stupid face! Hm!"

"It's not that simple. There was literally nothing else I could do! It's none of your goddamn business anyway! Shut your goddamn hole before I shut it for you!"

"Oh you think you can hm?"

"You wanna find out!?"

"Bring it on you rag doll zombie freak!"

The two were quickly hushed by respectively hard slaps to their cheeks. Shikamaru's in particular nearly knocked him off their mount, and this of course did nothing to calm his flared temper.

"Both of you shut up!" Kakuzu growled, glaring daggers right back at the Nara.

"Honestly It's like Hidan never left..." Sasori muttered, twisting his wrist until it clicked back into a normal position.

"No kidding..." Deidara said, rubbing his quickly reddening cheek. "What's the world going to do hm? With two of you running around.."

Shikamaru's body moved on it's own, reaching forward to grab Deidara by his cloak with both hands and pulling him close. "Listen here you son of a bitch." He snarled, sneering at how wide the bright blue eyes had suddenly become. "The difference between Hidan and me is that he tends to sling around empty threats. When I say something, I fucking mean it. So listen closely, if you don't adjust your fucking attitude, I'm going to kill you. End of story."

He shoved him back into his original position, giving an uncomfortably silent Sasori and a slightly grinning Kakuzu equal glares. "I'm at my breaking point here, guys. I just want to find Hidan, kill the bastards that caused all this, and go back to living my life. If not, I swear to whatever Gods you all worship that I'm going to lose my mind. And then... _then_  you'll have a problem."

The silence dragged on, and the Jashinist thought maybe he'd taken it a little too far. Then again, he didn't really care. Deidara was obnoxious and annoying, and someone needed to shut his mouth.

The Nara had had just about enough. From killing random strangers to being blown up, putting up with Kakuzu in that humiliating situation, and being treated like dirt by a blonde moron that knew damn well he would get his ass kicked if anything brewed to a physical fight between them. It was all just too much.

Everything was always too much.

"Well, we're here anyway." Sasori finally said, eyes flicking back and forth between the two stitched up men. "Not a moment too soon, it seems."

The blonde beside him hmph'd, and turned to pilot the clay bird down to the desolate looking building that was seemingly out in the middle of nowhere.

"You three can cool off and get some rest. I'll stand watch."

The bird swooped down, flapping it's clay wings a few times before landing heavily on the ground. Shikamaru found himself wondering briefly how the hell something made from solid clay managed to fly, but dismissed it. Who the fuck cared how it happened? There was a lot of stuff that went on in the world that was un-explainable.

Sasori hopped off and moved toward the building, swinging his arm out and back while the door inexplicably opened on it's own.

 _Chakra strings..._ Shikamaru reminded himself. Maybe he wasn't such a lame guy. He could manipulate just about anything with those things after all.

"Hey, I'm tired, wanna hurry the hell up, hm?" Came Deidara's deceivingly manly voice.

Shikamaru regarded him darkly, and let himself slide off the crude falcon sculpture. How could that blonde idiot insult Hidan's intelligence with the way he acted?

He trudged on after Kakuzu and Sasori, stuffing his hand in his pockets and absently scanning the building. Another warehouse, by the looks of it. At least he knew the Akatsuki favored the classics.

Why there was a random abandoned warehouse out in the middle of nowhere, he didn't know. And he wasn't going to ask, because, again, who fucking cares? He was far to exhausted to be curious right now. Which was a good thing, he reasoned. Being this tired spared him the agony of biting at the bit to take off immediately and rescue his lover, but having to wait on his little band of merry men to rest up.

If anything they were probably only doing this for his sake. He honestly didn't even want to know how he looked right now. Half naked in a pair of pants made by his arch enemy with Frankenstein stitches running all across his body... They'd be gone by morning, if not tonight, but still, he probably looked just pitiful.

"So what, is this like a hotel inside?" He slurred out, blinking in surprise. Huh, he was more pooped than he thought.

"There are rooms and mattresses, if that's what you're asking. Along with meager preserved food rations. It is a safe house, by and by." Sasori replied calmly, flipping a switch and waiting for the lights to flicker on.

 _By and by?_ Who the hell used that saying anymore?

"I don't even care about food. I just want a fucking nap..." He trailed, staring at the scene that presented itself before them.

It looked like an abandoned warehouse...  _just_  an abandoned warehouse. Dusty floors, cobwebs, old rusty machinery scattered around. Vacant and old and decomposing.

He blinked.

"Uh... is this the right place Sasori?" Deidara said from behind.

"Hm..." Replied the puppeteer. "I think this is Itachi's work."

"An illusion?" Shikamaru said wearily. "Well... hurry up and turn it off. I'm gonna collapse."

"I don't know genjutsu." Was the nonchalant reply.

Shika's head snapped over to him, a grimace contorting his face.  _You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME_! "Will it go away if we just walk through it?"

"You don't know the bastard that well, do you hm?" Deidara said, starting forward. His footsteps echoed in the enormous empty room. "This might as well be reality. He doesn't half-ass anything, yeah."

The Nara slapped a hand to his face, dragging it down until it dropped from his chin and fell limply to his side. "What a drag..." He breathed, before letting his feet fall out from under him. He grunted slightly when he hit the ground, and the blonde stopped exploring the room long enough to glance back and roll his eyes.

"There is a way to disspell it." Kakuzu finally spoke up over his own ricocheting footsteps. "He usually leaves a 'spare key' around, as Hidan always says... We just have to find it."

"Have fun with that..." Shikamaru said, now laying flat on his back. "I'm...I'm just gonna lay here for a second.."

_And maybe pass out for a few hours..._

Yeah, that will help me find Hidan.

_Relax and let go..._

As long as I don't have a nightmare...

.

..

...

"Pineapple head."

He felt his brow pinch, dammit, he just fell asleep...Couldn't Hidan let him get some rest?

"Hm?" He replied groggily. Damn, why was he so cold all the sudden? He shivered, and tried to open his eyes.

Nothing. He couldn't see anything... right, probably because he was trying to sleep. The lights were off.

"It hurts.." Hidan's voice said softly, far too softly.

"What hurts?"

He rolled, reaching out to find him. It's freezing in here.

"Everything..." Hidan said quietly again.

"Why?"

Silence.

"Hidan?" He reached out further. Where was he? Why was it so cold? Why was he in pain?

Still no reply. His hand brushed against something warm, and he grasped it.

There was something on his hands, warm and wet and thick. Too thick to be water...

It smelled. It smelled like pennies.. what was warm and wet and smelled like pennies.

"Where are you? I can't see..."

His hand roamed further, he felt the outlines of a chin, lips, a face. All wet, warm and wet and smelling just like... like blood.

"Hi-hidan?"

"It hurts so bad..."

He retracted his hand when it roamed back down, coming in contact with something stringy and squishy. Right where his chest should be.

"I'm trying... it won't feel better."

"Hidan what is this?" He said, slowly getting frantic. "Where's your body!?"

More silence.

"Hidan!"

Nothing. No reply. He was so cold, but his hands burned. They sizzled everywhere the blood touched. He drew them back, trying to see. His eyes wouldn't open, Hidan wouldn't speak, his hands were ON FIRE!

"HIDAN!?"

He gasped and bolted upright, eyes like saucers and all sense of exhaustion gone suddenly from his body.

His eyes met Christmas colors from across the room, silently questioning him. He jumped his gaze over to find baffled bright blue studying him, and then movement beside him attracted his wide stare to a soft brown.

"What happened?" Sasori asks in his emotionless voice.

Still panting, the spiky haired man circled his vision back around to his other two companions at their various places in the room.

"Are you gonna flip out on us man? We really don't need two psychos in the club, hm." Deidara says loudly while returning to his inspection of the wall.

"Wha... did I fall asleep?"

The red-head continued staring blankly at him for a moment before answering. "You closed your eyes for approximately twenty-six seconds."

Shikamaru considered this, looking down at shaking hands, stitches running across the base of each finger though the skin seemed to no longer need them.

"Holy shit..." He muttered, looking up and directly meeting Kakuzu's narrowed eyes.

"We don't have time to stay here and rest. We need to go now."

"Awe geez, make up your mind yeah?!"

"Why the sudden rush?"

"I just.. we just need to go. He's in serious fucking trouble this time!"

"How do you know hm?"

"I JUST DO! Quit fucking arguing with me! Let's just go!"

He Pushed up to his feet, whirling around to push back open the doors that has slipped shut behind him. Just as he reached out a hand was on his shoulder, and hesitating, he jerked his head around to glare at whoever was stopping him.

The coffee-colored skin of Kakuzu's hand angered him at first, for the fact that the bastard was not only stopping him, but touching him. But some of the anger died away to make room for the confusion that trickled in when he turned further, meeting everyone's concerned eyes.

"Hidan is fine. His immortality will last for the night." Kakuzu said lowly, eyes flicking for a second over to the left, where the redhead was standing stoically behind him.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed before popping back open briefly. Of course... Sasori and Deidara didn't know about Jashinism. They didn't know they had to kill people to stay alive. In fact... Kakuzu and Itachi were probably the only ones that know.

Awe damn, and he'd just explained all that shit to them, no wonder Kakuzu had been so blissfully quiet.

"It will do us no good to go charging out into the night without a plan or even any idea as to where he is. " The old man continued, letting his hand fall away. "He's been in bad situations before and come out just fine. There is no rush here, there is plenty of time."

The Nara blinked hard.

Was Kakuzu...  _comforting him?_

What the hell!?

_**Kill him Shikamaru..** _

What? Why? He's not even being a bastard.

_Give him to Jashin._

Shut up and leave me alone.

_**KILL HIM NOW!** _

He flinched violently away from the man, receiving a raised brow in question. He stared blankly for a few minutes, nearly ready to burst into tears at the stress that kept being poured onto him in layers.

Why? Why was this happening?

Any of it, all of it. People trying to kidnap him, 'accidentally' murdering them, hiding the evidence like some two-bit criminal. Teaming up with the most aggravating people in the world to rescue the man who was supposed to make his life better but insisted on constantly shoving him closer and closer to the brink of insanity. Hearing voices in his head demanding he kill Kakuzu.

WHY!?

He hated the man sure but he didn't want to kill him. He didn't want to kill anyone. He was Shikamaru Nara. Somewhere in there he was still easy-going Shika. He liked to watch the clouds and enjoyed simplicity and the occasional game of chess. He never held grudges because anger never solved anything... even though it had somehow become something he relied on, and forced him to do unthinkable tings when he relinquished his self-control to it.

He'd fallen in love with a psycho and devoted himself to a slaughter God that had apparently owned his soul all along. And now the man he was stealing Hidan from that was incapable of being anything other than an ass was being  _nice_  to him.

This was all just so unfair.

"I didn't ask for this..." He muttered out loud. He knew his eyes were wide, he knew they were probably shining with tears. He didn't care. All this time he kept saying he was going to have a mental breakdown, he was going to lose his mind. Everyone, even he himself, had brushed it off as a joke. But it was happening now. He was breaking.

_Is that why you waited so long Jashin? What good is the perfect Jashinist when he has a defective brain..._

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, but not in the usual angry way. In fact, is Shikamaru weren't mistaken, it almost looked like some strange mixture of recognition and concern.

"I can't handle this shit..." He mumbled again. "I need to go. I don't care if there's time. I can't do it. I can't do anything. I wasn't meant to be crazy, I'm not like him!" His voice got louder and louder with each word, more and more frantic, like an animal trying to break out of a cage.

_It hurts Pineapple head... It hurts so bad._

Shut up. Oh please.. just shut up.

"What the hell is wrong with you hm?"

"You're being irrational. You need rest."

"Is he gonna freak out on us? Cause I'll ditch this mission, I didn't sign up to be a therapist, hn."

_Time doesn't mean shit any more... So quit clinging to it like some mortal._

I don't understand. What do you want from me?

"Keep looking for the key, brat. We can do nothing to help this situation."

"Good. I don't want to be a part of this shit anyway. Drama-queen."

_Last time you said that to me you died..._

He slapped his hands to each side of his head, wishing desperately that Kakuzu would stop standing there so awkwardly and just go away like the other two. He couldn't stop freaking out, but the man could at least give him some damn privacy.

"Why you children keep getting granted this 'gift' continues to elude me." He finally said, still studying Shikamaru emotionlessly. "You can't handle it. Either of you."

"Please go away.." Shikamaru groaned.

_Stop talking and kill him._

"How will that help?"

"Just leave me alone! I don't want your fucking company."

"Being left alone when you're breaking causes nothing but harm."

He stiffened, looking up at Kakuzu cautiously.

"Hidan went the same way. Secluded himself so no one would see him fall apart. You can see what good that did him."

The younger opened his mouth, and let it shut again for the fact that he had no idea how to respond to this. Kakuzu being nice. This couldn't really be happening. Surely this was still a part of the nightmare.

"Why.." He finally said, getting nothing in response but the usual stare for a total of six heartbeats.

Finally he shifted to turn and look back, the other Akatsuki members were all the way on the other side of the warehouse, studying some old rusty machine and chatting amongst themselves. When he turned back, he reached up and smoothed his hair back over his head.

"For whatever reason, Hidan came into my life. And for whatever reason, he has yet to leave it. And now you're here too, same story, different person. Maybe it's because I have more experience, maybe it's because Karma has a grudge against me. But whatever the reason, I've been given the challenge of making sure you immortals remain immortal."

Shikamaru stared dumbly. So.. Kakuzu is supposed to be a guardian or something?

"I am a stable part of reality. For the time being you can use that as a focus object, Hidan said it helped him in his foggy moments."

"They want me to kill you.." The younger finally blurted out. It was enough, he didn't want Kakuzu's help. Especially not if he was going to keep bringing up Hidan. He couldn't take it, the insinuation that Kakuzu had helped the zealot to stay at least halfway sane in his time of need. He did not want to think of Kakuzu as a good person, He did not want to think of him as being much deeper than he seemed, of actually having a heart underneath all the arrogance and cruelty. "Every fucking time I look at your.. your  _stupid face!_  Kill him, kill him, kill him! And Hidan's in the background, Help me, help me! I can't help him if I kill you and I can't... I just can't!"

He twirled on heel and kicked the heavy door open, wincing when something cracked in his leg. Apparently he wasn't completley healed up yet.

"Every time I close my eyes I have some fucking nightmare. And they're vivid and real and I can't even tell they're just dreams until I wake up and even then I'm not sure if they're dreams or some kind of sign."

He stomped out into the grass, inhaling the crisp night air deeply.

"Everyone wants me to save them... Everyone keeps switching sides." He turned around to look at the older man, still standing stoic in the doorway. " _Stable_ , you say. Nothing has been fucking stable in my life since you two nut jobs had to come live beside us! This is your fault just as much as his.  _He's corrupted me,_ WELL YOU LET HIM!"

"I am not his guardian or caretaker, boy."

"Yeah well you sure try to act like it don't you? What  _are_  you to him then huh? Seriously, I just want to know, because you treat him like shit and then try to pretend like  _you're_  the one who has it rough."

"I don't think you really want to play these games with me."

"I'm not fucking playing games! Why did he choose you!? What the hell am I lacking!? We. Were meant. To be. Together. And yet somehow you ended up with him anyway!"

"You were not ' _meant to be_ '. You were one of his projects. He converted you, taught you the basics and left. It's part of his religion."

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it though? He's not with you, is he? Like you said, he chose me."

"You have no idea-"

"I have plenty of idea." Kakuzu barked, finally stalking out toward him. Shikamaru frantically forced his body not to shrink away from the man that suddenly seemed so much bigger than him. "Do not give me that girly bullshit about how 'you know him better because you love him'. I have pulled that idiot out of danger more times than you could even count. I have torn weapons out of his hands and kept him from spilling his own blood in a desperate attempt to escape the life he was dealt. I have listened to his inane blabbering about his God and I have picked him up off the ground and carried him every time he tried to give up. I did not  _have_  to do any of that. You don't think my life would be simpler without him too?"

Shikamaru swallowed heavily, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying desperately to keep listening and not just attack the bastard.

"You may think me  _cruel_  boy, but I know what works. Hidan may be a person, but he is not  _just_  a person. You cannot treat him like some average human, he does not think like a normal being and does not react like one. He knows this just as well as I do. And he knows that when he needs someone, I am there.  _A stable part of reality_."

He leaned back into a normal standing position, taking a deep breath.

Shikamaru relaxed, trying to slow down his suddenly heavy breathing, while processing all this information.

"You are not stable. How can someone with a broken mind find what they need in someone else with all the same problems? All it does is feed the fire.  _That,_  boy, is why he chose me."

He regarded Shikamaru silently for a seemingly endless amount of time. The Jashinist stared right back, waiting for his emotions to stop warring within him, waiting for his thoughts to stop being so jumbled, waiting for anything to organize itself into some sort of rational anything that he could state aloud.

He wanted to disagree, and say something to prove the old man wrong. He wanted to get pissed, let the rage take over him and just beat the bastard until he was dead. And he wanted to collapse there on the ground and just wait until he died.

Mostly because he was right.

Even though, at the same time, he wasn't.

Hidan was better now. Shikamaru had seen it himself. His eyes weren't the same, they were full, clear, like the sanity had come back. when he regained his memory, he regained his mind. Jashin did it on purpose too, he suddenly realized. Kakuzu had been Hidan's stability when he needed it, and now that Shikamaru needed someone, he'd let Hidan remember. He'd let the man find peace so that he could be the rock that Shikamaru needed.

_Is that why you waited? Hidan wasn't ready yet?_

He looked at the man standing before him. Fine, so he wasn't such a bad guy. He was still a prick, but not an awful person. He could give him that. And shit, he'd even distracted the Nara from his freak out. Maybe his method really did work.

_But that doesn't mean I'm giving up._

He had his time with Hidan. It was all too clear that he and the psycho were matched up now. Kakuzu had done his duty and now he was free. That was a good way to look at it, right? After all, not in that whole entire speech had he ever stated that he did all the stuff he did simply for the fact that he loved the crazy albino.

"Hey! We got it fixed, you can quit making out now, yeah!"

Both men turned to glare daggers at the blonde, who immediately shut his mouth and backed up into the building which was now inexplicably dark inside.

They both exchanged glances before Shikamaru finally rolled his eyes and started back toward the doors. The sound of the grass sifting behind him told him that Kakuzu was following.

"Not in a million fucking years..." He muttered.

"At least you two aren't  _exactly_  alike..." The older man said behind him. "Hidan wouldn't shut up about his affection for me."

"Shut up Old Man." He said quickly.

Damn, maybe he should just kill him and look for Hidan himself.

 


	7. To Each His Own

It was a beautiful day, he thought to himself. For Autumn as it was... maybe a little on the balmy side, but still nice.

Mornings always seemed to take forever to come recently, for the past few months it seemed. His strange discomfort of the dark didn't confuse him, it made perfect sense given all the moronic crap he'd gone through some time ago. It was always at night, when the daily distractions of his life slowed to a creeping lull, he found himself most often too discomforted to sleep. Especially when that blasted Uchiha decided not to keep him company through the small hours...

But the morning always came eventually, the light and clarity of mind following closely behind the rising sun.

And this one was good, he decided, if just a bit balmy.

He ran a hand over his long Hershey hair, held tightly in a banded fishtail now and draped down his left shoulder instead of the free-flowing cascade it was usually in.

 _"You're practically begging not to be taken seriously_." His short-haired boyfriend had said with a roll of his eyes. " _How many times do I have to snatch you by that shit before you realize it's just a hazard? Long hair is for girls anyway."_

Even now he scoffed at the memory of the man's words. All the Hyuga's had long hair, every man in his clan had beautiful, flawless locks. It would be an insult to his family if he chopped it off. He'd voiced this, only to be insensitively challenged with a raised brow and a gesture to his covered forearms. " _And those aren't?"_

He couldn't have argued with that if he wanted to. Despite the fact that his lovers arms were far worse than his own, there was truth in the fact. He'd shamed himself already just by showing such unabashed weakness, and all because of 'some boy', as his father put it. Though it wasn't quite the truth, the pain and anger of that time had faded long ago, and it was hard for him to keep his facts straight anymore, what with the foggy, depressed memories and the various alcohols constantly forced down his throat by the 'boy' he found himself with now.

Really, In his clans eyes he'd already shamed himself enough for six lifetimes. But that still didn't mean he had to part with his hair.

So he kept it subdued with an army of hairbands, having it look like a horse tail and having to withstand the onslaught of teasing from the youngest remaining Uchiha clan member was well worth it, as far as he was concerned.

He smiled absently, twisting the teased end between his fingers as he slowly walked along the side-streets. He stared straight ahead, being sure not to hold himself too rigidly as he moved along, seeing as that would give his pursuer the notion that he was aware of being tailed.

 _It's about damn time.._ He thought loudly in his head to keep himself from saying it aloud.

He'd been puttering around uselessly for months while his significant other had been on another outing with his older brother. It wasn't as if he did anything relevant when the man was home aside from training, but his days just seemed to hold more purpose when the brooding, dark, beauty of a man was around, as much of a bastard as he could be.

Crunch, crunch, crunch went his shoes on the sand and gravel-covered sidewalk, pervading his ears and making him strain to listen over the noise, though of course there was no sound to be heard from his stalker.

One of his biggest obstacles in his training sessions was trying to get along without his byakugan. To him it was a somewhat ridiculous ideal, mostly only for the fact that it made him uncomfortable and frustrated, but he supposed it made sense seeing as the Hyuga had almost lost his sight completely when he'd over-used it in his first real battle with the man now shadowing him.

It had helped immeasurably though, he was both pleased and irritated to admit. Learning how to pick up one someones chakra essence without having to see it, being able to sense the presence of another being while not having to so much as open ones eyes, it was certainly a learned trait, and on the plus side it had tremendously decreased the number of migraines he regularly used to suffer.

Neji Hyuga used this new found skill now, seeing as the person who was unmistakably Sasuke following him would likely have his own visual skills activated fully in attempt to catch him in a genjutsu, seeing as his first and strongest defense against it was prohibited in their scraps against each other.

He could argue easily that it was unfair to have his sparring partner be able to use his eyes while he couldn't, but not only did the idea strike him as childish, there was plenty of reason behind it. If Neji could figure out how to keep from falling into a genjutsu from the 'almighty' sharingan, there would be very little that he couldn't get himself out of when faced against a real opponent. As well as the fact that though they were both visual bloodline limits, the byakugan and Sharingan were surprisingly unsimilar in all their rules and regulations, as he'd been interested to learn. They could both leave you blind when overused, but Sharingan had several different levels and was admittingly much more complex, whereas Byakugan was just the ability to see a persons inner chakra paths like x-ray glasses, through anything.

And, first and foremost, Sasuke and his older brother were being kind enough to help him rise above his past and become stronger, even though Itachi had more than enough to deal with(as he surmised from Sasuke, seeing as he rarely had any extended conversation with the man) what with all the chaos Neji's ex and  _his_ new lover has caused in their secret organization, along with Sasuke and his inability to just be a mindful and respectful little brother. And as he understood it the older Uchiha was also another soul who preferred the company of men.

He had to constantly push this thought from his mind, it raised so many strange and uncomfortable questions that he could rarely focus on whatever task was at hand.

Sasuke was more than a sight for sore eyes, but dammit his brother was like a God in human skin.

Speaking of the latter, he needed to be fully aware of the younger Uchiha without having to meet his eyes. Where he was, where he was about to be, what he was doing and what actions he would take in the oncoming seconds, these were all easy things to see and predict in theory...but actually pulling it off was  _really_  shitting hard. This was reinforced in the next few seconds, just as Neji stepped off the gravelly, asphalt road and onto the dirt path that led into the thin forest outside their small town. He barely managed to withhold the shout that tried to explode from him as a storm of flame-engulfed shuriken suddenly came bursting from the trees and hurdling toward him from a completely different direction than where he'd pinpointed his stalker to be.

With only a half-second to react, he willed his body to defend and twirled into a palm rotation. However, instead of deflecting as this attack normally would have, he molded chakra around his flattened hands to act as a magnet, catching each of the flaming stars without having to touch the burning metal and using their own momentum to maneuver them in an arc around his body and send them in groups of three in all different directions back into the foliage, seeing as it was unlikely that his attacker had stayed in the same place after unleashing that barrage.

Which meant, dammit, that now he was disoriented as to where his opponent was. And this was taken advantage of as three bolts of lightning shot up into the sky as a distraction the Hyuga quickly saw through, giving him the few extra milliseconds he needed to focus his chakra and form his 'forcefeild' so he could knock the blade from Sasuke's hand as the man finally showed himself for the attack from behind, sharingan blazing of course.

This was the most difficult part of the training, he had mostly mastered being able to detect an enemy when not in combat, but under the stress of defending yourself, it was hard to remain in such a state of near-meditation that it required for him to re-locate his opponent every time he finished evading an attack. There didn't have to be any sort of concentration when using Byakugan, just the activation, and he could instantly see everything with no more strain than it took to look around.

"You're still not getting it." Sasuke said calmly, despite the fierce look in his eyes and the amount of effort he was putting into holding the grapple he and Neji were currently locked in.

"It's not as easy as you make it seem." The brunette replied back only slightly less sedated. "It's hard to resist instinct."

"It's not instinct." Sasuke said quickly before breaking the standoff and skipping back a few feet. "Instinct is something you do without being taught. You use those eyes constantly because your clan hammered it into your head that it's the best solution for any problem. Katon!"

A meteor shower spewed out from his lovers mouth and charged toward him, each fireball weaving like a snake and some even spinning through the air in an attempt to force Neji into using his Byakugan to keep track of them all.

Gritting his teeth, Neji forced back the desire to do just that and channeled his light blue chakra into his hands, pushing them out palm forward while an almost invisible wall appeared in front of him. The attack slammed into it with increased force at each impact, sending the Hyuga sliding backward in the dirt as he held it off.

"And you have to stop just blocking everything. Remember, the best defense is a good offense." Came Sasuke's voice, suddenly behind him again.

Neji dropped the shield and turned only for a lightning-laced blade to slide easily through his throat. He choked, cursed, and burst into a cloud of smoke while Sasuke raised a single brow in question. The dark haired man whirled just in time to raise his sword and lock himself in another stalemate with his boyfriend, currently coated in shimmering, light-blue armor very similar to that of his Susano'o.

"You've gotten pretty good at making clones without detection though."

"Good thing too, since you would have just killed me otherwise."

"If I held back then you wouldn't learn properly. We've been over this you whiner."

Neji wrenched his blade away, the one he'd started carrying after Sasuke got it for him for his birthday. It was similar to the Uchiha's slim Katana, aside from the point that the edges were thickly serrated. It was a weapon obviously meant to cause as much discreet damage as possible instead of just slicing through things. It also helped him immensely when fighting sword to sword, seeing heavily toothed edge served well to grab Sasuke's blade and rip it from his hands.

He did so now, freeing his other hand from the hilt to push out toward Sasuke. Using his chakra to manipulate the polar magnetics in his chakra, he altered it so that it was the same 'channel' as Sasuke's. He'd learned this trick (though he called it by accident to spare explanation) through much research and training. He'd heard from Itachi that the leader of their organization also had visual-prowess, and he had a signature set of moves that could attract and repel any object, animate or otherwise. Neji had been strangely taken by this information and thought maybe that he could do something similar if he could learn to better manipulate the sensitive magnetic responses in chakra, after all, like any creation of the human body, it was nothing more than a series of electric pulses. Besides, no one would be better at studying raw chakra than him, so there was no one more qualified for the job, so maybe it was a bit of a bluff to say he'd been doing nothing in the man's absence.

He was successful, in the end, proved true when Sasuke's body suddenly betrayed him and flew backward without Neji so much as touching him. The look on his face as this occurred had Neji struggling to keep his features neutral. He'd never actually let on to his lover that he was working on new jutsu's, and this was the first time he'd actually demonstrated it on another living being. A little risky, yes, but Sasuke wasn't worried about killing  _him,_  so why should he concern himself with it either?

The unfortunate thing about this technique is that it took a lot of energy, and often left him breathless. Before today he'd been steadily working on improving his endurance and stamina so he could pull off the next step of the jutsu; applying it to his whole body. This, theoretically, would attune his chakra perfectly to that of his opponents, repelling them at any instance from getting too close to him. Then he would have even less need for his chakra armor, seeing as it was tacky and made him look fat.

Sasuke came rushing back again with a small crease of anger as the only give-away that he was slightly annoyed at this unannounced new ability. Again Neji restrained his entertainment at this and held his hand up again. He'd already figured out his lovers core magnetic pole, so he could just continue to use it. But unfortunately for this plan, his opponent had Sharingan.

He raised his palm again, rearranging his chakra again, but this time Sasuke's red eyes were trained carefully on his hand, and the slight smirk that came across him immediately defeated Neji's victorious glee. He'd figured it out already, dammit...

In a second Sasuke had adapted to the situation and Neji's chakra change had no effect on him, and he had to quickly withdraw his arm and leap backward to avoid having it sliced off. Sasuke landed and stayed where he was.

"Surprisingly clever. I like it." He said, letting down the glow of his sword and sheathing it.

"What the hell do you mean, ' _surprisingly_ '!?" Neji snapped back in irritation. He'd been working on that forever and the bastard not only dispelled it in a single instant, but then had the nerve to haphazardly insult him through a compliment.

"That has some serious promise, keep refining it."

"What the hell!?"

Sasuke's brows raised ever-so-slightly in surprise. "What?"

"You can't just come back here after being gone for  _months_ , and insult me and order me around like you're still so much better."

"But I am." His boyfriend responded with a smirk.

"Jesus Christ, you're ridiculous!"

"Hn, you love it."

"Shut up and hug me." Neji said, launching himself forward and embracing the slightly taller man before he could defend himself. "I missed you. You were gone forever this time."

"If I was gone forever then I'd still be gone."

"It's a figure of speech."

"A stupid one."

"You're an ass."

"And you're a priss."

Neji pulled himself off the man and gave him a sarcastic smile. "I'm getting better though right?"

Sasuke regarded him emotionlessly, finally blinking and giving a small sigh. "You are, slowly, but it's happening at least. If you weren't so stubborn it would progress a lot faster."

"Me? Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? Stubborn is your middle name."

"I'm not stubborn, I just don't do stupid shit that doesn't make sense."

"What the hell are you talking about? You do that all the time?"

"Nah. You're delusional. Must be on your period huh?"

"I'm not a woman! And I don't resist your crazy training, I just can't do all the shit you expect of me right off the bat. I don't have sharingan, so forgive me for not living up to your holiness."

Sasuke winced at this suddenly and stiffened, and Neji resisted the urge to express the concern that made his chest clench. This had been happening a lot, and he knew somehow that it had nothing to do with their little bickering matches. He'd noticed as well that the youngest Uchiha had been drinking even more than usual, if that were possible, when he was actually home and not out on these yet unexplained 'missions' with his brother, which were also happening more and more frequently.

His lover finally relaxed again and sighed a kind of sigh that means he's about to go cure himself of his sobriety. At the same time he reached up and scratched the area between his shoulder and his neck where his tattoo was.

"Sasuke... What's wrong with you?" he questioned, putting a hand to his lovers pale cheek. The man rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Neji stopped him short, knowing just from that that all he would get is an irritated brush-off.

"Don't fucking tell me nothing's wrong. You're an idiot if you think you're covering it that well anymore. Your chakra gets so messed up when that happens that I don't even  _have_  to see it to know."

His hand was slapped roughly away. "It's none of your concern Princess." The younger Uchiha pushed past him and started stalking back the way Neji ha'd just come from, hands in his pockets and a storm cloud hovering over him.

Neji's face twisted, he'd be damned if he was going to keep letting this go just to start a fight. You don't fucking keep secrets while in a relationship with him, He'd sworn off screwing with those kinds of things after Shikamaru and that whole disaster.

"Don't call me princess. You know I can't stand it." He was struggling to keep his voice even and without attitude as he jogged to catch up with the suddenly brooding man. "And you know I don't stand being lied to. If you don't want to tell me, that's fucking fine, but I've told you a million times that I don't do this 'lone hero' shit. You wanna deal with your problems alone, then do it  _alone,_ and leave me out of it."

Sasuke stopped on a dime and whirled, eyes flared with Sharingan. "Are you threatening me?"

Resisting the urge to swallow heavily and back away, Neji mustered the power to turn up his sass, and cocked his hip while crossing his arms. "Do you  _ever_  take me seriously? Or am I speaking another language? I made it perfectly clear that I'm not putting myself in lose-lose situations anymore if I can help it. We both agree'd, no drama or this setup is over."

"Coming from the queen of drama? I can honestly say no, I don't take you seriously,  _Princess_."

Neji hauled off and slapped Sasuke as hard as he could right across the face.

"What's  _WRONG_  with you!? Stop treating me like shit for caring about you! There's something wrong with you, stop denying it. If you don't know what it is then that's fine, just don't  _lie_  to me and tell me it's nothing!"

Sasuke's hand had moved to his cheek without thinking, he glared the glare of death now at the Hyuga and was obviously working to control his breathing. Neji was scared shitless, but didn't let it show. He'd never struck the fearsome Uchiha before aside from whilst sparring. He'd never done anything so bold as he had just now.

He did swallow heavily now as the silence and dirty looks dragged on. "Don't think I won't go to your brother about it."

"Don't threaten me with tattling, you fucking nark." He finally replied, pulling his hand away and glancing at his palm as if expecting blood to be there. Obviously there wasn't, and he dropped his arm to his side. "Let's get something straight. Bitches don't break up with me.  _Dead_  bitches break up with me." He paused to turn around and continue walking, to Neji's great relief. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and forced himself to continue his pursuit of the subject.

"I'm... I'm sorry I hit you... You know it drives me crazy when you call me that though.. I lose it."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what dipshit used to call you, You don't have to tell me your life's story again."

"Not Dipshit, Dipshit's Dipshit. And may I remind you that it was one of the most traumatic times of my life. You really should be more empathetic about the way you treat others, considering."

"Can we just put this conversation on pause until I get a few shots in me?"

"No! You don't have to be drunk to handle every emotionally difficult situation Sasuke!"

"Because you would know so much about handling emotionally difficult situations, you're so good at it."

The brunette took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head. Why was he always so eager for this bastard to return again?

"Okay, let's just start over. Take two;" He said, making a clapboard motion with his arms and then slipping in front of his boyfriend to stop him short. "What's wrong? Please, for the love of... of alcohol, just tell me."

"Don't you bring Allie into this."

"I'm bringing Allie into this. Tell me what's wrong, or I won't keep a stock for you any more."

"Pfft, big deal, I'll get my own."

"And I won't drink with you, or let you drink at my place."

Sasuke remained silent, staring half angrily, half thoughtfully into Pale blue eyes.

Neji smiled, he was finally starting to get the upper hand here. "And you know damn well your brother won't let you do it at his house. You'll have to go to a bar, where you'll get in a fight and get arrested. Or do it on the streets, where you'll get in a fight and get arrested. Then big brother will have to come save your wasted ass and we both know that's never pretty."

More silence, six heartbeats total, it went on for. Finally, Sasuke gave an irritated sigh and stepped around him again. "Whatever. I'm not talking about it here though."

Joy rushed into Neji in such a large amount that he almost squealed. Hah! He won! He won an argument against Sasuke fucking Uchiha! Victory!  _VICTORY!_

"Promise you'll do it  _before_  you have a drink." He said, twirling happily and nearly skipping after the man.

"Hn, I promise nothing." He replied, turning to regard the bubbling brunette beside him. Neji couldn't resist the small smile that crept over him when his lover gave a small huff of a laugh, crooking the corner of his mouth. "But I guess I can try."

"That's all I ask." Neji bumped his shoulder against Sasuke's as he said it. "Is that a smile I see?"

"You're being cute again, I can't help it."

"Awe, Saucy-baby. You make me blush." Neji leaned over after pushing to his tippy-toes and planted a small peck on Sasuke's cheek. "I missed you too."

"Quit." The raven-hair snapped, wiping his cheek and playfully shoving his boyfriend away. "It was just kinda hot when you hit me, is all."

"Oh God, don't tell me you're into that dominatrix shit, Cuz I don't go there."

"You could make a lot of fucking money off that kinda junk if you were more open-minded." He was grinning again. Neji could actually see a small hint of his teeth, and despite the humiliation of this conversation, he couldn't help but humor the man. By God, he was beautiful when he smiled.

"It's not about being open-minded. It's about self-respect." He paused, soaking in the scene for a moment. "But maybe I'll loosen up a bit if you stop cheating on me with Allie."

"I will  _never_  give up on Allie."

"Unless I tie you down and spank you, right?"

The look on Sasuke's face at this comment, lust and humiliation at said lust, had the Hyuga unable to contain the laughter he burst into. He was shoved roughly aside, still laughing, and berated with a long string of swears before he had vague control over himself again.

* * *

 

They had walked most of the way back to his apartment in comfortable silence when Neji finally sighed. It was ignored by the person next to him, and this made him bit his lower lip in thought. Despite the previous joviality, he was still deeply concerned. After all the guy was going into these mini-seizures randomly, and always itching at that damn tattoo. Along with the increasing sleep-walking and night-terrors, it was becoming too much for him to simply ignore for the sake of respecting Sasuke's privacy. He'd questioned the ink before, but as usual he was either shrugged off or given some half-assed, obviously made up story about how he got it. The only way Neji knew these were blatant lies was because the tale changed every damn time he told it.

He used to be in a gang.

He got it when he was 13 to piss off his foster parents.

He was abducted by aliens.

He dropped acid and slayed a dragon and received a mark of heroism.

Okay... some of them were just obvious bullshit, but the dilemma remained the same. Neji wasn't stupid enough to think it was  _just_  a tattoo, but what else it was... he hadn't the slightest clue. It looked just like those little specks he had in his sharingan.. so he could only think that maybe it related to that.

It bugged him beyond all reason that he couldn't figure it out. But he supposed that problem would be solved soon enough, seeing as he'd  _finally_  won and argument and was  _finally_  going to be clued into the situation. He really didn't want to resort to breaking up with the guy, not only because he was scared beyond all living hell of Sasuke's slightly psychotic tendencies, but because he honestly had somehow begun to feel pretty strongly for him. But if it came to that, he was prepared, he would  _not_  be putting his life on the line again, not for anyone. All it ever did was bite him in the ass.

"Hey.."

No response.

"Hey, Sasuke."

"What?"

"What's that tattoo really about?"

"I told you I wasn't talking about it until we got somewhere...less exposed."

This threw Neji off a little bit. He was afraid of someone over-hearing? Which meant, as he'd suspected, that the tattoo and these fits he'd been having were related. And it also meant that whatever was going on with him wasn't just some virus or disorder...

Then again maybe it was, Sasuke was far too proud a person to chance anyone knowing he had some disability...

"So it's not just a tattoo is it? I thought so."

"You shouldn't think so much. Gives you gray hair."

"Does it have something to do with... you know.. what happened to your family?"

"No." Came the quick and absolute reply.

Well, that ruled out  _that_  suspicion. It was the only thing he could think of that would cause night-terrors and the incessant need to be constantly inebriated, and then cry and vomit yourself to sleep. It seemed a little far-fetched though, I mean, it's not like anyone would blame him for being tortured by a memory like that. And the fact that Itachi seemed to be so disgusted that he became physically ill whenever Sasuke didn't cover it up around his brother didn't help to deter him from the thought.

"It really doesn't? You're not just saying that to get me off the subject."

" _NO._ Now leave it alone. I told you I'll tell you what's wrong with me and I will. It has nothing to do with that, Quit prying."

"I'm sorry! It's just... No offense but... It's hard to know when you're telling the truth or feeding me some bullshit story."

"Well,  _no offense_ , but shut the hell up and drop it." Sasuke said curtly, turning the corner. Neji's quaint little apartment was just three buildings down. He could hold his tongue until then, as insane as his curiosity was driving him.

At least he'd thought so, until he saw a dark figure leaning against the doorway to the entrance to the tiny complex. It was pretty unmistakable as to who it was, and he didn't even hold back the groan of impatience as Sasuke's eyes alighted on it.

"Did you  _just_  see him? He can't possibly need your help again  _already!"_

"Keep your panties on, he probably wont stay long. He never just visits." The last was said with a bit of a sour tone to it, but Neji Ignored it. Really, the bastard already insisted on taking up most of Sasuke's time with all his missions ans 'bonding' and 'older brother wisdom therapy sessions.' Couldn't it at the very least wait until tomorrow?

Besides, didn't he have some freaky man-fish to go cook and clean for?

Ah, that was unfair. The eldest Uchiha had never done anything but help him... but still.

"Hn, You know I get tired of looking at your face all the time. What the hell do you want?" Sasuke called out.

Itachi looked up, as if not having noticed their approach. This alone make Neji cautious. Itachi was always aware of everything, all the time. If something was distracting him enough to take him off his guard, well... He would be sleeping alone tonight.

"I'm going to be leaving for awhile, you won't be able to contact me." He said quickly, completely ignoring Sasuke's rude comments. "I wanted to let you know, I don't know how long it will be."

"I thought I got to do missions with you?"

"Not this one."

"Why the hell not?"

Neji awkwardly cleared his throat, and Itachi's dark eyes flicked to him. The man made a significant attempt to smile at him and seem pleased to see him, but it was obvious that something was heavy on his mind.

"Afternoon Neji, How is your technique improving?"

"Slowly but surely, thanks."

"I apologize for not having time recently to give you my aid, but my priorities lie elsewhere. I'm sure my brother has been sufficient enough help."

"Uh.. yeah. That's okay." It was always awkward trying to train with Itachi anyway. Honestly he didn't mind.

"Hey!" Sasuke interrupted, stepping in front of Neji. "Don't brush me off, why can't I come?"

"Sasuke, please. It doesn't concern you, and you only just got back. Take some time off, Neji has been very patient with me consuming all your time lately."

"Oh please, you just think I'm gonna slow you down don't you?"

"In truth, yes." The elder replied blandly, "But it's as I said previously. It does not concern you, and you have other things to attend to."

"Bullshit. Give me a minute, I'm coming with you." Sasuke said, slipping his hand into Neji's pocket and snatching his keys in one quick movement.

"Sasuke!" Neji cried, grabbing his arm and digging his nails into the fabric and underlying skin in anger. "Are you serious? You just got back! Can't you catch up to him? Stay the night at the very least."

"Brother, I apologize, but you're not coming. That's final."

"Shove it up your ass, you're not my dad, you're Itachi."

"You only want to go so bad to get out of your promise don't you!" Neji interjected, tugging again on his lovers arm.

"So what if I do!? It's none of your damn business anyway."

"I can't believe this! We finally make progress and you turn tail and run at the first opportunity!"

"Hey, I made a promise and I'll keep it, it just won't be in the same time frame."

"Yeah, sure. He just said this mission is going to take a long time."

"And I'll tell you when I get back."

"And by then it's just going to be even worse! I don't understand how you're not concerned about this Sasuke! You're having night terrors, you're never sober, why can't you just admit you need help?"

"Because I don't!"

"Excuse me." Itachi said quietly, sending a pair of activated Sharingan and byakugan both glaring at his calm features. "Sasuke, you're having troubles sleeping?"

"No, I sleep fine. He's just being a drama queen."

"Go fuck yourself!" Neji spat.

"Sasuke, your significant other is concerned for your health. This is not an insult, don't treat it as such." He paused to give Neji a quick glance. " What is this about night terrors?"

"And he's been having these little tiny seizing fits too, and he's always fucking with that stupid tattoo!" Neji said, giving Sasuke a look that could kill him there on the spot, if looks could do such a thing.

"Shut up you little bitch, it's none of his business either!"

" _DON'T CALL ME A BITCH!"_

 _"_ Jesus Christ you're such a Princess!"

" _SHUT UP!"_

At this point Itachi stepped forward and easily restrained the infuriated Hyuga from clawing his boyfriends eyes out. Sasuke only took a single step back and glared equally at the two of them.

"Why do both of you always try to fucking act like my mommy and daddy. I've gotten along fine without either of you for most of my life, don't think that just because you're in it now you have some sort of power over me."

"Sasuke. I don't know how to make it any more clear that you're not coming with me. How you two resolve this dispute is not my concern, but I will take the opportunity to inform you of how childish you're being. If your curse mark is acting up then something needs to be done about it."

"Curse mark?" Neji said, still pissed but no longer struggling. "You told me it was just a tattoo!"

"Yeah well, FYI Princess, I lie."

This time Sasuke was stared at in silence by Sharingan and byakugan heavy eyes.

"It's pulsing right now. What is that thing Sasuke?"

Itachi sighed heavily before the younger could respond. He released Neji to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"It's none. Of your. Business. How many times do I have to say it?"

Neji finally stopped short, breathing heavily and resisting the tears about to brim in his eyes. It was never going to happen, Sasuke was never going to try to make things work. He was too set in his ways, to content to remain alone in the world. There was no point in fighting and bickering... no amount of won arguments would change anything.

"I really dislike having to do this to you, Neji Hyuga..." Itachi finally said, sounding exhausted already. "But I need to keep an eye on my brother, and I cannot spare the concentration of leaving a clone. Sasuke, you may come with me."

"Damn right I  _may._  I'll be right back and we can go."

In an instant he'd unlocked the door and disappeared inside, Neji stood staring distantly at where he'd been.

"I'm deeply sorry... Had he informed you properly of what that mark on him is, you'd understand why this is so important..."

"Yeah, I know."

"It might even be that the reanimation of the curse mark may have something to do with my mission..."

"It's fine... Not your fault."

"Neji..." Itachi said, his voice tired and apologetic but his face still blank except for the bags of his eyes being slightly deeper than normal. "Do not lose hope. What he says about me is true, I wasn't there for most of his life, but I know my brother. He cares for you, and he's trying. Old habits die hard. Think of it in the same way as trying to train yourself not to use your byakugan."

Oh great, now he was being pitied.

Neji sighed heavily again. "No really. It's not a big deal. I get it, you're right. They're hard to break, I'm only proving it by screwing myself over again."

"I don't understand."

"You don't need to. Apparently I'm just the sort of person that begs to be lied to in life or death situations. Shikamaru did it, Sasuke's doing it... whatever. It doesn't matter."

Itachi studied him for what felt like forever, until Sasuke finally reappeared with his traveling pack hung on his back. He gave Neji a look that was some delicate mixture of guilt and lingering anger, then quickly shook it off and shifted his gaze to Itachi, silently acknowledging that he was ready.

The brothers stared back and forth for awhile, and after a few heartbeats Sasuke's eyes widened a little bit.

"No way."

Itachi nodded.

"Hell no! If you think  _I'll_  slow you down, He'll be even worse."

"He's been improving, has he not?"

"Well yeah but he's nowhere near our level!"

"He doesn't need to be. But I think it's time he be brought into the light. This situation technically concerns him, seeing as his previous partner is involved."

"Wait, what? Shikamaru?" Neji said, looking back and forth between the two. "What's going on?"

"No, Itachi."

"If you come then he comes."

"You want me to come too?" The brunette said, ignored further as the brothers bickered.

"I'll inform you both on the details as we move. Neji, go pack supplies, Sasuke will assist you since this is your fist time."

"I don't fucking think so."

"I will meet you both by the Golden Oak at the fork in the road south of town."

"He's not coming!"

"Try to be quick. Time is of the essence, and we've wasted enough."

"I SAID NO!"

Itachi looked at his little brother, the very faintest traces of a sneer showing on his mostly emotionless face. "But Sasuke, You're not my father. You're Sasuke." With that, he exploded into a flock of ravens, leaving a baffled Neji and a seething Sasuke alone to stare at each other.

"What... what just happened?" Neji said breathlessly.

Sasuke shouted out a long string of swears and slammed a chakra-laced fist into the side of the building... or.. through the side of the building. Neji remained silent, thoughts racing to catch up with the events taking place.

"Come on." Sasuke snapped, snatching Neji's wrist and yanking him through the door to the apartment complex. "You're coming with us."

"But-"

"Don't argue." He ordered, practically dragging the brunette through the hall before stopping at his door. "Pack light, only the necessities. You can bring a hairbrush but don't you dare pack all your hair-care products. Bring two changes of clothes, we'll stop by the store and get some water and food before we meet Itachi."

"But-"

"I said don't argue! You get what you wanted, so just shut up and do what I say." He slammed open the door and swung Neji into the living room, shutting the door behind him. "I'm drinking half that fucking bottle of champagne before we go too.." He muttered, stalking to the fridge while a still dumbstruck Neji wandered into his bedroom. Apparently he was taking a field trip with the Uchiha's, whether he liked it or not. Some small part of his was still angry, but it was only the after effects of the fight and the conclusion he'd come to to break it off with Sasuke.

It seemed fate... or Itachi more like, had other plans...


	8. Misguided Attempts

"Are you serious right now?"

"Do I ever joke about such things?"

"Sasuke... c'mon. Get back here."

"He's not even here yet it's his own damn fault. It'll just be a second I swear."

"You don't need any more! You just chugged that entire bottle of champagne!" Neji grabbed the toddling man by the back of his shirt and yanked backward. Sasuke fell heavily onto his ass without a fight, growling in pain and clutching his bruised cheeks while he scampered back to his feet.

"You're such a blowhard, Gawd."

"And you're an alcoholic. It's obviously a test, your brother wouldn't tell us to meet at a bar and then show up late for no reason."

"It's not a  _bar_ , noob. It's a saloon. Just come check it out with me, they're really cool."

"Knock it off. God it's like I'm dating a 15 year-old girl that goes to parties just to get drunk and laid."

"HEY! I don't go banging on anyone but you! You should be grateful, s'not that easy when you're hammered."

"Maybe if you weren't hammered all the time..."

"Hey now little lady, you don't know my life."

"You're right about that, at least."

Sasuke swayed in place, craning his neck and looking at Neji with a challenging raise of both eyebrows. "Whoa, hey. If I'm a slutty girl then you're a snarky spoiled brat."

Neji only stared at Sasuke in disbelief, then bowed his head and rubbed his temples vigorously. "I'm not so sure I even want to go on this quest with you two. It's not worth it."

"See? Snarky."

The brunette snapped his head up, gritting his teeth together. This inane back and forth was normal between them, in fact he'd be worried if they were actually getting along perfectly... but he was  _so_  not in the mood for this shit right now.

"You know what? Go ahead, go in. I'm just gonna go home, I have a headache, and this was a ridiculous idea anyway." He adjusted the straps on his shoulders and started slowly back toward town. He was stopped by someone latching onto his shoulder, and he made a show of rolling his eyes and throwing his ponytail over the opposite shoulder as he whirled around to face the drunken Uchiha.

"Neji, babe, don't be all pissy. Look at me, see this?" Sasuke pulled his lips back from his teeth in a somewhat disturbing attempt at a smile. Despite his irritation, the brunette couldn't help the quiver of his own lips before they curled into a smirk.

"You're a lightweight for how much you drink, you know..." He muttered, and his lover crinkled his nose while still holding the creepy face.

"One of us tortured souls needs to know how to let loose." Came the reply, along with a tug on Neji's shirt. "C'mon, come in with me. You'll appreciate this place, it's old timey and the workers dress up and sing and dance on tables." He paused, looking confused. "Well... that last part might just be me. I don't really remember much from last time."

"Uh huh. You just want to have someone to share the blame with when your brother gets here." Neji said, moving along to Sasuke's gentle pulls despite himself. Really, how was he supposed to resist this gorgeous, drunken clown? "You aren't getting anything though, you're already drunk."

His comment was waved away as Sasuke pushed through the double-hinged doors.

* * *

 

"Dammit Kisa I need to leave  _now!_ No doubt Sasuke's already chided his poor boyfriend into that place."

Itachi squirmed in the strong blue arms, uselessly trying to pry loose the fingers from around his waist. As usual, it was in vain. Maybe Itachi Uchiha was feared by all of man as an undefeatable opponent, but he was nothing at all once you wrapped him in a big bear hug.

"C'mon Angel," the shark man coo'd, lifting the smaller man from the floor and nuzzling his face into the porcelain skin of his lovers neck. "We both just got home, you can't leave me for those zombie freaks  _again_! Not without giving me some of this first." He shifted the now thrashing man so he could hold him with one arm and firmly grabbed his ass with the other.

Itachi squealed.

"You're making me lose my patience Kisame Hoshigaki!" He growled, pausing in his escape attempts to offer the man the darkest glare he could muster.

"Why do you have to assume responsibility for everyone eh? Your brother and his plaything are grown men. If they wanna get a little messed up, let them." He leaned forward and nipped Itachi's earlobe with a shark tooth.

"What don't you understand about ' _under great duress_ '? Nagato said Sasori reported Shikamaru as having a total mental breakdown. Kakuzu, of all people, had to talk him down enough to keep him from rushing off to get himself killed." Itachi managed to free a hand and used it to shove the teasing mouth away from him.

"See? It's fine, you can spare a half hour. That old bastards got plenty of experience handling mentally unstable people."

"Shikamaru asked for me specifically. Have you forgotten that those two literally killed each other last time they got into a fight?"

"Yeah, but neither of them can die, so what's the big deal?" Kisame replied, his voice muffled as he buried his face in his lovers silky hair.

"It's the principle of the matter Kisame! Now let...GO!" He cried, pushing against the mans chest with all his might. At the same moment the big blue man released his hold and with a small squeak of alarm, Itachi flopped to the floor.

"You're behaving like a child!" He snarled, pushing himself to his knees and dusting himself off.

"Only because you're acting like a parent." Kisame laughed, pouncing on the fallen man and twisting him before he could resist so his back was on the floor.

With both hands pinned, the sharingan wielder could do nothing but glare.

"If you think this is amusing in any way, you're terribly mistaken."

He received only a shark grin in return before his mouth was smothered by the giant on top of him.

He tried as hard as he could to resist it, but he melted into the strange embrace none-the-less.

* * *

 

"Just try a sip! It's so good!"

The younger Uchiha waved a mug of some mixed drink in his own boyfriends face, simultaneously bringing his own beverage to his lips.

"Stop, I'm not letting you get me drunk. There's still a mission to complete after this, remember?" The brunette refused, taking the drink and setting it aside before it was spilled all over him.

Sasuke laughed into his mug before slamming it onto the table and wiping his mouth. "Oh yeah, the all important mission. It's probably just more information gathering. I love my bro and all but he's putting too much fucking weight on this whole 'get-Sasuke-back-to-normal' thing." He followed this with an exponential burp, whooping along with a few other patrons at the display and throwing his fists in the air victoriously.

Neji rolled his eyes, then went rigid as the slurred words sunk in. Get him back to normal?

"What do you mean?" He said, nervously looking around the room at the rowdy, inebriated men and women. Sasuke may have been right about saying the place was interesting, but it was hard to notice through the ripe smell of alcohol and tobacco ash and all the noisy drunken idiots making fools of themselves.

"What?"

"What do you mean, 'get you back to normal?'"

"Oh right, I forgot I weaseled out of telling you."

"Telling me what!?"

Sasuke laughed obnoxiously and clapped Neji on the shoulder. "Okay Princess. Tell you what. Drink that whole thing," He gestured to the drink set aside, "And I'll share my deep, dark secrets with you. Deal?" He held out his hand, face going slack as if in some important business exchange.

Neji eyed him, then his hand, and then his face again. "How do I know you're not lying again?"

With his other hand, the swaying man raised his already half empty beer. "I swear on Allie and I's relationship. If I'm lying, then I'm all yours. So win-win for you either way."

Neji felt his eyes widen, then squint nearly shut again in suspicion. "And what if you're lying about that?"

Sasuke let out a loud groan and let his head fall backward momentarily before snapping it back and staring intently into his lovers pale eyes. "If I'm lying I'll make you a trophy case, let you chop off my balls, get them bronzed, and let you display them for the whole world to see."

Neji winced and edged away from him. "Okay first, that's tacky decorating. I don't know whose genitalia you've been looking at, but testicles sitting alone on a shelf is NOT attractive. And second, you could always break up with Allie anyway."

"Mm-mm, one or the other babe, choose carefully." He responded, raising the mug to his lips again and drinking greedily.

"You're a manipulative bastard."

"And you sir, are a boring party-pooper prudey priss-man-girl."

"That's the dumbest insult I've ever heard."

"Your mom thought it was funny last night."

"Oh for fucks sake..." Neji snapped, snatching the giant glass up and taking a deep breath before chugging half of it in one go.

Sasuke whistled in appreciation and clacked his glass against his lovers. "That-a-girl. THIS IS MINE E'RRBODY! LOOK AT HIM GO! YEAH!" He screamed out, laughing when the brunette slammed the glass down with a deep blush.

"You're ridiculous." He coughed, wiping away the tears in his eyes from the burn of the beverage. A small burp escaped him and he slapped a hand over his mouth, wondering why he was so terrible at resisting peer pressure.

"That was hot. You get brownie points." Came the reply, before the drunken Uchiha finished his own drink. "Alright, so when I was thirteen, I ran away from my foster parents-"

"And joined a gang and dropped acid with a dragon, yeahyeah. I  _knew_ you'd bullshit me." Neji stood up to leave, but was quickly pushed back into his seat.

"Heyhey, just hang on okay. Yeah I forgot I told you all that stuff. But the thing is I  _did_  join a gang. I mean, kids that age just don't fucking last on their own, not even me. " He said, smirking and pausing long enough to signal another drink from the bartender.

"Anyway, here's little 13 year-old me, starving and freezing and sick and dehydrated, cuddled up next to a stinking dumpster just to get out of the wind... oh don't make that face that's not even the bad part, ya pansy."

Neji blinked hard and attempted to wipe whatever 'look' he was giving off his face. Hesitantly, he grabbed his mug and sipped on it, wondering if he could manage to distract the Uchiha enough to pour the contents onto the floor. The man was certainly off his ass enough.

"So this pink haired bitch stumbled across me, piss-drunk and cussing up a storm. She looks me up and down and gets this look in her eye that I don't like and without thinking about it I tell her I'm lost and looking for my parents...

 

_"Hah, you're in the wrong part of town kid." She says, " Or maybe the right one if your daddy's a crackhead and your mommy's a whore."_

_She keeps looking at me and kinda cocks her head. "You look so goddamn familiar. What's your name little shit?"_

_Right away I know there's no way I'm telling her who I am, especially if she's halfway recognizing me. I mean, my family story along with my face was an international phenomenon Neji, I just wanted people to leave me the fuck alone. So I told her my name is Naruto, that idiot we went to school with, remember? Hyper, loud, blonde fuzzy hair? I figured he was the biggest loser I knew, surely he'd be a nobody. Yeah, well apparently he's pretty infamous too._

_"No shitting way! You're that kid that's supposedly some sage reincarnation!? I thought he was blonde..."_

_This threw me off a little bit, obviously, but I couldn't go back now. So I told her Some shit about getting kidnapped and going on the run and that I dyed my hair so no one would recognize me, thinking hey, the worst she'd do is take me to the police station to get a reward or something like that._

_I was a dumb kid, I can't stress that enough, Neji. Dumb as fuck._

_She breaks into this smile and goes on about how she can't believe her luck, how her boss 'ain't gonna believe this shit', and all kinds of stuff like that. Then she suddenly goes into this fake maternal act, telling me shes gonna help me find my parents which I know is a lie because everyone knows Narutard is an orphan too. But she promised me a meal and a warm place to sleep, and I wasn't gonna spend the night in this shitty weather again if I didn't have to. So I went with her, and she introduced herself as Tayuya and took me to this weird little hideout place, made me cover my eyes the first couple times to keep it secret. There were three other dudes there, and each of'em had this tattoo."_

Sasuke tapped at the spot between his neck and shoulder, and Neji suddenly realized that the man was no longer in a happy drunken state. His eyes were distant and sad, and his new mug of beer had lost all it's foam and sat abandoned on the bar in front of him.

"Once I was in their little headquarters they said I was their hostage. I could either do what they said and be treated like and equal, or resist and be constantly unconscious. 'Said their boss was unavailable at the moment, but that he wanted to meet me, so I had to stick around. At the time, it didn't seem like a bad deal, so I stayed... They weren't mean to me or anything, and they even taught me how to fight properly, checked to see if I could use Jutsu and then taught me how. Months later their leader finally showed up... " He trailed off, tracing his hand over some initials someone had carved into the bar.

"It's not just a tattoo, no. It's a special mixture of jutsu and science, a brand would be a better term... It let him keep an eye on me, and take over my body when I was doing something he didn't like..."

Neji's breath caught in his throat when Sasuke's eyes met his, filled with more torment and just general emotion than he'd ever seen in the man.

"Have you ever had to sit and watch while someone manipulated your body? Have you ever been a puppet? Forced to do things you'd rather die than live with the guilt of?"

It was all the Hyuga could do to shake his head. Sure, he knew what it was like to have no control of his body. Hidan had made him feel the worst pain imaginable without even inflicting any wounds... but that was on a whole lesser level than what his poor boyfriend was talking about. He suddenly felt like slime, always thinking that he and the brooding man beside him has somewhat equal trauma in their lives. He couldn't be further off...

"What... what did he make you do?" He forced out, suddenly fighting the urge to down the rest of his alcohol... and Sasuke's too.

"Anything he pleased. Use your imagination. He was a pedophile, if it gives you more insight."

Neji jerked at this, his gaze shooting down to the for in response to the nauseating feeling he got from looking at his boyfriend. Horrible images flashed into his head of a younger Sasuke, how he'd looked in his high school days, struggling naked in some dark pit against invisible restraints. Dark, hungry, eyes watched him from the darkness, twitching ever so slightly while his captor fondled himself.

His stomach churned and he shut his eyes tightly for a second, only to snap them back open after realizing this only made it easier to picture.

He covered a gag, looked at Sasuke for a beat, and then grabbed his mug and quickly finished off the rest of it.

Sasuke, not looking directly at the brunette but watching from the corner of his eyes, nodded in agreement.

"You'd be even more disgusted if you saw the guy. Probably want to shoot yourself if you knew him as personally as I did..."

His glazed eyes flashed back to reality long enough for him to realize his drink was in front of him, and that his partner's was now empty. He hit his fist against the bar a few times until the bartender looked, and signaled for two more. Neji wanted to tell him he didn't need any more, as he normally would have at this point. But he instead decided he'd just swipe Sasuke's from him when he wasn't looking. The Uchiha was right, whatever brand of beer this was, it wasn't bad at all.

"I'm...I'm so sorry..." he said, wrapping his hands around the glass mug when it was set in front of him.

"Hn. I don't need sympathy. Just privacy."

"That's what I'm sorry about... I shouldn't have been so pushy."

Sasuke only shrugged, expression not changing. "Those bastards were the first people I considered friends. I thought I could rely on them, I thought they considered me family... we had good times, y'know. I was actually happy, felt like I finally found somewhere I could stay for awhile..." he took another big gulp, brows creasing in frustrated thought. "When that fucker showed up, he recognized me for who I really was instantly. He was practically drooling over me right then and there... God I was so dumb... I could have fought. At least  _tried_  to get away. I was mad though... they turned their backs on me just because I suddenly had a different name, like it meant I wasn't worth shit... "

Neji's eyes were dangerously close to tearing up. Damn, alcohol made these emotional moments so much worse. He really should know better by now. At the same time he was a little frustrated with the man. Did he still not see it? The whole reason they turned on him is because he  _lied_  to them. He'd gone through all that and still the thick-headed idiot hadn't realized that it takes mutual trust to keep relationships strong. He broke theirs, so they broke his.

"So... that's what he's trying to do? 'Get you back to normal' by trying to earn your trust? Help you work through it?"

"What? ...oh...uh... yeah... That's it..." He replied, taking a sip and just like that shifting instantly back into the closed-off, brooding Uchiha he always was, seeming to shake it off with nothing more than a blink back to reality.

"Where the fuck is he by the way? We've been waiting forever!"

Neji shrugged, finished off his second drink, and stealthily slipped Sasuke's away from him. "Has he ever been late before?"

Dark eyes squinted slightly, staring into nothing under the stress of trying to forge through his alcohol-swamped brain to remember clearly. "Yeah, once. Cause he was getting laid." He paused and then let his nose crinkle. "Oh God that's probably what he's doing!"

Neji burst into laughter so suddenly that his lover jerked in surprise, nearly falling off the stool. He stared in shocked confusion for minute before he too started snickering.

"Your brother is seriously the most insane person I've ever met. And I used to live next to a psycho." He starting gulping down his beer when a throat was cleared directly behind him, and his pale eyes met Sasuke's wide ones, still sparkling with laughter he was clearly trying to conceal. Neji's heart leaped up into his chest, and he had to quickly set the cup down before he choked on the beverage filling his mouth.

"If you two are quite finished with your gossip, it's time to go." Itachi's quiet voice somehow broke through the loud saloon music.

"Erm.." The brunette stuttered, having broken into a coughing fit as he tried in vain to swallow the alcohol only for it to try and force it's way into his lungs. He twisted himself around on the bar stool when he finally had control of himself. "I-I didn't mean it in a bad way I just-"

"Don't listen to him 'Tachi. He thinks you're crazy!" Sasuke said, dramatically flailing his arms arms and grinning stupidly as if he'd told the funniest joke ever.

"Sasuke!" Neji halfway shrieked.

"I could light a fire off of your breath." Itachi said with a sigh, ignoring the previous comments. "I should have expected as much." He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily.

"It's your fault for being late. You tell us to meet here, don't show up, and think I'm just gonna stand outside? You know damn well I have no self-control." Sasuke laughed, finishing off his drink.

Neji's eyes flicked back and forth between the two as they bickered like a cornered rabbit. When his confident boyfriend went to take a drink, the tipsy Hyuga quickly snatched his own and slurped down the remainder as if he hadn't had anything to drink in days. he was going to need this liquid courage and relaxer if he was going to continue being sane on this journey...

"Get yourselves together, we're behind schedule as it is." Itachi said with finality. "Be outside in exactly 60 seconds or be left behind."

"Hey  _you're_ the one who delayed us! We were here on time! Get Kisame's dick out of your ass and relax!"

"Sasuke!" The elder hissed loudly, whirling with his cloak flowing behind him like a vampire and making Neji shrink back after slipping from the bar stool. "I'm in no mood for your smart-alek, drunken, comments. This is an urgent mission that you're both lucky to be tagging along on anyway."

He quickly snatched them both by the wrist, Sasuke hissed in a breath and tried to yank free, as if Itachi's touch burned his very skin. Neji squeaked in surprise and opened his mouth to protest, but all three of them suddenly exploded into a flock of ravens.

* * *

 

His entire body felt as if it were moving and shifting around him. Twisting and stretching, he tried to scream but no sound came, and this only threw him further into hysteria.

All around him everything was only a blur, lights flying by as if in a spaceship going warp-speed. He tried desperately not to cry, and honestly he couldn't tell if he actually was or not. He wasn't really sure where he was or what was happening.

Seconds dragged by, feeling like hours and torturing him, freedom and clarity dangling just outside his reach. He trued to close his eyes and found he could still see, as if looking with his mind. He was nothing more than a bodiless entity, he knew somehow. But he couldn't understand why, his brain couldn't seem to put thoughts together and the only thing he could think was like a giant neon flashing sign in his head.

 _Oh please whoever's out there please just_ GET ME OUT _!_

And in perfect answer to the prayer, his feet suddenly hit solid ground.

His eyes flashed opened to see Itachi already taking large strides away from them both. Moving his gaze slightly to the left showed a positively green-faced Sasuke glaring at his brother with Sharingan practically burning a hole through the very air. He swayed slightly in place just before his gaze shifted to meet Neji's, and at the exact same moment both men leaned over and heaved up their lunch, no memory at all remaining of their recent trip through time and space.

The oldest of the group only turned momentarily to witness the sight before tsk'ing and returning to scanning the surroundings.

"I moved us a little farther than I thought." He thought out loud, then turned back around and sauntered back. "I hope you two have learned something about intoxication before a mission."

"He..he talked me into it. It was all his idea." Sasuke said breathlessly.

Neji scoffed and managed to straighten himself back to a standing position. "I think I'll take you up on that offer to chop off your balls now." He retorted in the same condition as his partner.

"Act your age. I expect this from Sasuke but you surprised me, Neji." He paused long enough to give the Hyuga an accusing stare. "We need to get moving. I've depleted my chakra carrying you both here without assistance, so we have to walk, seeing as I doubt either of you are coordinated enough to run at the moment."

"OR...or... we could just take a nap."

"This is not one of our usual outings Sasuke. It's a rescue mission, making it time sensitive."

The younger brothers head snapped to attention now, finally putting all the pieces together. "Wait.. you said this involved that Nara guy. And now it's a rescue mission... YOU'RE GOING TO SAVE THAT CRAZY ALBINO ASSHOLE AGAIN!?"

At this point Neji felt sobriety somewhat take him. "We're going to see Shikamaru and.. and.. and dipshit? Why would you bring me along for that!?"

"Hey!" Sasuke said suddenly, turning to Neji. "I thought he said they weren't together anymore!"

"He did!"

"Then what the hell are we getting involved for?"

"I don't fucking know! Ask him not me!" Neji jutted his arm toward the man standing silently some feet away from the two. Two pairs of pale and black eyes landed on him, four brows stretched high in expectation.

Itachi regarded them both calmly for a second before speaking. "I would be happy to recite the details once you two agree to act appropriately."

Neji immediately agreed to do so, already suffering the beginnings of a hangover, and Itachi waited patiently for Sasuke to roll his eyes and sigh dramatically before nodding his head.

"Good decision. May I remind you that it was  _you_ who forced your presence on this job with me without knowing the details. Now, to sum it up, Hidan has gotten himself in trouble again. However this time the situation is a little different. Shikamaru used my chakra ring to try to contact me for an S.O.S. Unfortunately I had given the other end to Nagato some time ago, assuming Shikamaru would drop off the map and keep himself concealed. As it seems, people have been trying to kidnap him and he's under the impression that Hidan has been taken captive by the same people. "

He paused in his story to study the sky briefly before turning and starting off in a brisk walk. The younger boys exchanged glances before stumbling off after him.

"Nagato sent Sasori and Deidara to aid him as he suspected he would soon be under another attack. From the reports he received from the reports he received it seems that Shikamaru was victim to a large scale explosion, assumingly by those trying to capture him."

"Oh my God..." Neji whispered, his chest suddenly clenching so tightly that he couldn't breathe. "Shikamaru...he... he's dead?" Tears shimmered in his eyes briefly before he was suddenly smacked in the back of the head.

"Idiot!" Sasuke berated. Neji turned to glare at him and rub the spot where he'd been hit. Despite the horrible knot in his stomach he was somewhat pleased to see a bit of jealousy of his boyfriends face. "Don't jump to conclusions. Remember what he told you that day he came back? He can't die now. Keep your panties on."

"Sasuke is correct." Itachi continued, giving his brother a disapproving glare at his inconsiderate actions. "Shikamaru is fine. Apparently Kakuzu came looking for Hidan and accidentally rescued Shikamaru from his assailants. His body was repaired and they are now resting in a safe house I cloaked some time ago, waiting for further direction as to how to go about retrieving Hidan."

The byakugan user let out a heavy breath, slightly embarrassed for having forgotten such important bits and pieces of that conversation.  _Damn this alcohol._

He'd been pissed back then to find out Sasuke had been eavesdropping, but really, it turned out to be a blessing. Well, maybe less than that, seeing as instead of politely reminding him he always chose to hurt him in some way... But hey, it wasn't as if he hadn't just slapped the piss out of the man hours earlier.

"If they're all there then why the hell do they need you?" Sasuke continued while his lover was in thought.

Itachi sighed at this and slowed his pace. "It's an extensive and complicated explanation. The quickest route to your understanding would be to just honestly tell you both that Hidan is one of two of the closest friends I have, insane may he be." He stopped and turned around, emotions carefully masked as always. "He is a good man despite your preconceived judgments. His behavior is simply result of terrible circumstances he is continually put through. To understand him you would need to know his entire past in excruciating detail. For whatever reason, Shikamaru has begun traveling the same unfortunate path that Hidan paved." He looked to Neji now, listening intently with blank expression due to his warring emotions. He wasn't quite sure he agree'd with everything Itachi was saying, but that last bit definitely struck a chord with him.

Shikamaru was also a good person. Even in the most fucked up of situations he always found some way to save everyone, and it was because of that, because of Neji, that he was being put through all of this in the first place.

Itachi continued, his voice softer now, eyes not parting from the Hyuga. "Hidan is not completely within the lines of sanity, as has been repeatedly pointed out. He did not get this way on his own, and I fear Shikamaru faces the same fate. He is losing his mind, and the only person who could possibly help him get through this is not only incapacitated, but calling out to him for assistance. He needs help. He asked for it from me, and I fully intend to do my best to give it to him, regardless of anyone else's feelings toward this decision."

The realization hit Neji like a train as to why Itachi thought he should come. In a sense, he  _owed_  his ex to be there and serve as some sort of encouragement in these dark days. But then again, he'd devastated the man numerous times, surely seeing him would only make matters worse... but on the contrary, they had made up and wiped the slate clean that very last time he'd seen him...

"This is too complicated..." He admitted, dropping his gaze.

" _Everything_  is complicated, Neji Hyuga. No decision is without repercussions. You told me you wanted to become stronger to overcome your fears and stop running from stressful situations. There is no better opportunity than this." Itachi said stoically, before turning and continuing on his way.

"So Nara's going crazy? That's rich, some genius he turned out be be neh?" Sasuke said trying to nudge his boyfriend with his elbow, his foot catching on a pebble as he did so and making him briefly stumble instead.

Itachi didn't so much at turn around at this, but did sigh heavily. "Bite your tongue, little brother, before you make more of a fool of yourself."

The words were already out, though, and Neji's chest already burned with alcohol-fueled anger. "Shikamaru IS a genius. You don't know shit, so shut the hell up."

"Howzee a  _genius_? All the dumb stuff he's done with that crazy albino."

"He only did it to save my life!" Neji barked, punching Sasuke on the upper arm. "You've done some stupid shit too! You should be grateful to him if anything!"

The assailed man growled and rubbed his arm. "Why are you suddenly defending him!? You were just saying you didn't understand his choices the other day. Earlier you called him a dipshit!"

"Yeah well!..." Neji's eyes fell again to the dirt path they traveled on. He let the silence drag on, thoughts flitting across his mind too quickly for him to come to a decent conclusion as to his sudden change in feelings toward his ex. All he could logically deduce was that he shouldn't drink and talk about emotional things anymore, and that Itachi was one hell of a guilt-tripper.

"Hn. You're definitely on the rag.." Sasuke mumbled. This was ignored by Neji with a small eye roll. That man... what made it seem to sexy to be with someone so opposite of him?

 

* * *

 

The trio continued on in heavy silence for a few moments until it was broken by a strained grunt from the back of the group. Neji whirled to see Sasuke kneeling stiffly on the ground and Itachi already by his side. The elder of the two made a series of hand signs without hesitation and ripped back his brothers tall shirt collar to press his hand against the curse seal. White smoke sizzled from it and Itachi's face tightened in pain, but he kept his hand in place. Sasuke began roaring as soon as his sibling touched him, falling forward and digging his fingers into the dirt.

Neji watched in horror. "What's happening to him!?"

Itachi answered through clenched teeth. "Orochimaru it trying to take him over. Sasuke can't resist as efficiently because he's been drinking, it's going to send him into a seizure if I can't seal it off. I need to concentrate."

"Who's...wait.. is that the gang leader he was talking about?" Though mostly thinking out loud, Itachi nodded an answer.

"So he finally did tell you. I'm assuming that's the reason you were both drinking."

"Yeah he said he'd tell me if I drank a whole... What's happening to his skin!?"

"He's transforming, the effort is causing too much strain on his body, the seal is taking over to protect him."

Neji gawked, eyes like saucers, as the man he had previously thought he might be falling for was slowly overtaken by his tattoo. His skin dulled to a gray, and his wide, bloodshot eyes changed to a bright yellow iris with black scelera. He was still snarling, but it had turned to a more feline sound now as apposed to that of a human being in immense pain.

"Transforming!?" He shrilled, "What the fucking hell?!"

Itachi's brow creased deeply with a lack of control over his face as he tried to save his brother. "Apparently he only told you half the story." He halfway growled in his concentration. He placed his free hand over the top of the other one and shoved so much chakra through them that Neji visibly saw it without having to use his byakugan. However this display reminded him that he had such a gift and jump started his brain.

Immediately he pushed aside all his questions and confusion and activated his eyes, gasping at what he saw. Inside Sasuke's body were three separate chakra entities all fighting for control. His own gold being the lesser of the three, with Itachi's nearly translucent pastel yellow and the darkest black he'd ever seen heading each other off.

A curse mark, is what he'd called it. Neji could see why now, what kind of person would have such a macabre mixture of chakra?

Hand-shaped wings emerged from Sasuke's back with a sickening series of crack, making the poor man scream even louder.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" He roared, eyes looking in Neji's direction but unfocused on him.

Squinting to see past the thick, goopy curse chakra, he spotted what he needed and sent his own energy into his flattened hands.

He rushed forward, adjusting his magnetics to Itachi's and forcing the man to be flung backward, swearing at the interruption. Using his gentle fist technique he maneuvered his hands faster than the eye could see, disabling all the key chakra junctions in Sasuke's body.

The struggling man fell limp onto the ground before the brunette could catch him, but his warped appearance receded almost immediately. Sasuke was unconscious, but safe and no longer in debilitating pain.

He let his body's charges go back to normal and Itachi was instantly next to his brother, checking his pulse first and then making the same set of hand signs he'd made earlier and adjusting the invisible seal on the curse mark.

The black chakra faded away completely, leaving it looking just like a simple tattoo again, and the oldest Uchiha finally looked up.

"Thank you."

Neji let the byakugan down, pushing the thought from his mind that even these two boy's chakra was beautiful. "No problem. He'll be out for awhile though, I had to close most of his channels to starve whatever that was out of him."

"Not a problem. He was beginning to test my patience as it was." Itachi grabbed one of his brother's arms and looped it over his shoulders, giving Neji an expectant glance that pushed him to do the same with his boyfriends other arm.

 _Insanity_. He thought,  _I can't get away from it..._

With that, they started off again at much the same pace they were going before.


	9. You Can't Handle the Truth

Again there was an extremely long, uncomfortable silence between the two conscious men. Itachi, as usual, seemed completely at ease despite what had just happened. Or at least as 'at ease' as the older Uchiha could get.

Neji tipped his head forward enough to let his bangs block his eyes from view, activating his byakugan again. While they walked he studied each of the brothers' unique chakra.

Sasuke's gold had been the very first thing that struck him about the man the night they'd started this strange relationship. And the more he got to know about the poor man the more, and less, he understood it.

Some oh his family liked to consider chakra color a reflection of the soul, but Neji had never entertained the idea personally. He never had any other clue as to what caused specific chakra coloring, but he'd seen many good people with ugly or dark colors that didn't match them at all. His own mother had had a puce-colored aura, while his father's had been sky blue, and this was practically opposite to their personalities.

He focused closely on Sasuke's now, trying to see if he'd just been blind or if that inky chakra really hadn't been present before. He quite simply didn't understand any of this, and frankly it was starting to piss him off.

As he hoped, he could find no trace of the malevolent darkness in Sasuke. This reassured him that he hadn't been missing something right in front of him, but at the same time confused him utterly. If the mark had been trying to become active again, shouldn't it have revealed itself long before now? He'd watched his boyfriend intently when he had one of his smaller attacks before, all that had happened was a surge of his own golden glow, not an ounce of that horrible black mixed in with it.

Then again, Itachi had mentioned him not being able to resist as well because he was drunk... and honestly the Hyuga could not recall a time when an attack had occurred whilst they were inebriated.

His eyes absently looked through Sasuke as he pondered on his, bringing Itachi's softer yellow-gold into view. He'd never gotten the chance to see the chakra of the man, seeing as Itachi usually never was actually himself in the sense that he constantly kept a clone on guard while he himself lurked somewhere close behind. And there was also the fact that he was prohibited use of his byakugan while in training with either Uchiha.

Why it was so strange to him, he couldn't explain. A lot of people had similar colors, or the very same, after all there were only so many colors in the world, and 6 times that many jutsu users. But still, it baffled him.

Maybe it was just an Uchiha trait, maybe they all had warm colors as such.

He finally let the technique down, aware now in the calm silence of just how much of a headache he had. And it seemed it would only get worse, too, because there was still more information he needed.

"Eh... Itachi?"

"Yes?"

"So... will you fill me in on the half of the story he left out?"

He seemed to consider this very carefully, and it somewhat unnerved the Hyuga. Given everything he'd learned so far, and the halfway transformation he'd seen... he didn't know how much more he could handle. His last love goes and devotes himself to an evil deity and gains immortality through having disgusting intercourse with the man who tried to kill him repeatedly... And now Sasuke, who he still wasn't quite sure how strong his feelings were for, turns out to be some sleeper agent for a pedophile that also can transform into a goddamn demon.

Really, had be been such a bad person all his life to deserve this?

"I hoped he would tell you himself, seeing as I don't know every detail..." His conscious companion said carefully. "I said nothing before because I did not believe it was in my rights to go against his wishes in that manner. His past is his, and his alone. However seeing as you've just witnessed as well as saved him from one of his transformations, I believe you are past due an explanation. "

Neji nodded in agreement, despite a sense of dread pressing low in his gut.

"Sasuke, in scientific terms, is not completely human, Neji Hyuga. He possess the ability to turn into a completely different being, body and mind, when his well-being is threatened or he loses control of himself due to anger or depression. When in this form he is no longer Sasuke, but a weapon that obeys only Orochimaru."

"The gang leader, the one who put that mark on him, right?"

"Correct." Itachi continued, "It is a result of illegal genetic experimentation performed on him while he was unable to resist due to Orochimaru's ability to seize his body and command it. These missions he and I have been undertaking so often recently were leads as to possibly freeing him of this curse, returning his humanity, per say. As of yet I've failed miserably to do anything other than continually put him at the beasts mercy by exposing him to danger..." His voice softened considerably as he trailed off, and though his eyes were focused steadily in the horizon, Neji had the distinct feeling he was not looking at anything in this present moment.

"Neji...I do not often fail. But when I do, I have a habit of doing it so that nothing I ever do can repair the damage I cause... I have done this repeatedly to my brother, in both circumstance and in his heart and soul. I have no greater shame."

Neji, of course, was speechless. He didn't bother to ask how exactly this was Itachi's fault, because it was painfully obvious. Had Sasuke gotten to grow up with his family, he would not have been pushed to do any of the things that led to the predicament he was now in.

"I thought I had succeeded in destroying Orochimaru and all his lackeys. But it seemed I failed that as well..."

"You.. you try so hard.. you can't be so down on yourself about it. My therapist says-"

"Your therapist has never dealt with the last existing Uchiha's. If he attempted to psychoanalyze us he would be so distraught he would likely commit suicide."

"Now.. I don't think that's true. As long as you're alive and healthy there's always hope.."

"Am I, though?" The sharingan user said, setting a gaze so void of anything on Neji that he felt as if he might collapse from the pain it wrought in his heart. His mouth bobbed open and close in an attempt for force out something, anything, that might convince the man of how much he was valued by most everyone the Hyuga knew.

Nothing came, as much effort as he put into it. Mainly for the fact that this last statement from the mysterious man had him deeply confused.

_Am I?_

Is he what? Alive and healthy? Yes, obviously yes... at least he thought it was obvious. It was too cryptic, that response. He couldn't decode it without asking more, and he did not want to hear any more about the terrible tragedy of the Uchihas.

"I apologize, Neji Hyuga. I lost my composure, self-pity is usually not something I succumb to." Itachi finally said, breaking the silence.

"No, it's fine, really... " he sputtered out, adjusting Sasuke's weight on his shoulder. "You're only human. It's not good to keep everything in, I'm...glad you said something. A lot of people depend on you, you know."

"I am all too well aware of that."

Once again Neji hesitated. He hadn't meant it the way it had come out. But it did make him realize that this poor man was so far past overworked that it could be considered cruelty. He really never did rest, always running back and forth almost like a maid to repeatedly clean up everyone else's mess, never getting to attend to his own inner demons for the sake of trying to redeem what he felt he'd lost in himself.

"I meant that in the sense that people need you in their lives, whether you're saving their asses or just... having a chat."

The strangest thing happened just then. Itachi closed his eyes and huffed out a small laugh, making Neji's skin crawl in it's similarity to the way his younger brother did the same action.

"I think perhaps I can understand why Shikamaru had such a time getting over you, and also why my brother actually gave you a chance." He opened his eyes and looked at the brunette with unmistakable fondness in his eyes. "You are unique in every way, Neji Hyuga. A hidden treasure among trash. Thank you for your compassion, I wish it wasn't wasted."

"It's... no problem..." he replied awkwardly. Really, he'd never had such an extensive conversation with the man. And he'd certainly never seen so much emotion from him.

"May I ask you a personal question. For curiosity's sake? Just tell me to shut up if I'm going too far.."

"You may ask, and I will do my best to provide a satisfactory answer."

He shifted uncomfortably, readjusting and making Sasuke moan something illegible in his slumber.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to go where he was headed. Ignorance truly is bliss, he'd recently learned. But damn it all if he wasn't dying to finally solve the question everyone wanted to know.

"Why did you do it?"

The quiet that fell over the trio at this was so thick that he felt he might be suffocating. For a moment he thought maybe Itachi didn't understand the question, but one look at the man's crestfallen features told him he was simply doing nothing more that deciding whether he wanted to answer.

"You...you don't have to tell me. I don't mean to pry I just... I don't really know. I'm sure you're probably tired of being asked and judged for it. I'm really sorry, just forget I said-"

"I know you have no intention of judging me. Perhaps before you may have but I've seen for myself the change in you." The Uchiha interrupted, confusing Neji briefly before the fuzzy memory of Hidan defending Itachi in the living room he and Shikamaru used to share slipped to the front of his mind. Ah shit... he'd forgotten about that. Hidan surely passed on what had been said about him, seeing as they were so close.

He felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment, opening his mouth first to explain that he was just trying to get information from the psycho, then pushing that aside and then simply to apologize, but Itachi continued on.

"You merely want to understand, as do many people. But you have to understand that the question you ask is far more complicated than you think it to be. And the answer is twice as such."

His voice had lowered to a decibel just above a whisper, and Neji wasn't sure if it was from fear of Sasuke hearing, from being deep in thought, or just guilt and the resulting pain it caused.

However, the older Uchiha had once again perplexed him. He understood how the answer might be complicated, but the question? It was exactly as it was, though he could have specified more, he supposed. All in all what he wanted to know is why he killed his entire clan.

"I don't suppose you were ever informed of the Uchiha's by your own clan?"

Neji shook his head, by the time his family had moved to the town where he'd first been acquainted with an Uchiha, namely Sasuke, the deed had already been done.

"I would think not. My deeds are often considered so grotesque and treacherous that it's become an unspoken social rule not to talk of it."

"You don't have to... if you don't want. Really, I shouldn't have asked. It's like you said earlier, your past is yours, and yours alone."

Itachi turned to him again, seemingly searching for something and he looked back and forth between the pale eyes. "While that may be true, it is also the same as you stated; it's not good to keep everything in. I've only told few people anything at all about the subject, and anyone who knows the whole story was slain by my hand."

Neji swallowed heavily at this, and it was caught by Itachi, who gave a small smile of amusement.

"I am not a mindless murderer, Neji Hyuga. That is the first answer to your question. You have nothing to fear from me."

Now it clicked. He realized why it was a complicated question, as there were many layers to it. Asking why he did it was not only asking why, it was a way of asking if he did, if he was dangerous, if he'd do it again. And even beneath that there were more, all piled and stacked so neatly that to anyone ignorant enough to ask it as such, it would not appear as it is.

"The second best answer would be to tell you that it haunts me every second of every day. I cannot make a single move or think a single thought without being reminded. It was not an easy thing to do, and not only necessary, but so deathly pertinent that if I had not done what I did, the entire world as we know it would not exist. You said I am only human, but on that day I was faced with the task of a God, deciding the fate of not only the men and women I was about to kill, but the rest of humanity as well."

 _This is enough... you've said enough..._ He wanted to say. Just from this little bit of information, Neji knew instantly that he could not handle hearing the rest. He could not say it though, so taken was he with the conversation, so gripped was he in his curiosity. And just as well, the weight of just those admittance was enough to cripple him or any man, and he couldn't tell the man to stop once he'd resolved to finally share his burden. He was honored and petrified at the same time to be the one who would finally learn the truth.

"'Uchiha' may be a name with high respect, but it is a curse... a word that shouldn't be uttered by anyone. My clan... my people... they were not good. Not even those who knew nothing of who they were. We were an evil breed, our heritage. Horrible things were done to ensure our survival and to keep us thriving. Every terrible deed that you could think of, rape, murder, blackmail, as well as gene altering, psychosomatic hypnosis, anything and everything. Our people dabbled even in something that could only be considered black magic, and in result came what the world knows and accepts as jutsu. No line was left uncrossed in the selfish intent... but that is not even what possessed me to do it..."

It was all Neji could do to even continue walking forward and keep a grip of Sasuke at the same time. Surely Itachi was exaggerating. No one could do such things and never be caught, discovered for who they were. As many people as there were in the world... he could not have been the only one to know everything...

"When I was very very young, I met someone who changed my life. It was through the worst of circumstances that we met, the day the man I was deeply in love with died... it was his murderer that started it all. You're very familiar with him yourself, Neji. In fact it's the very man we are about to go rescue..."

The brunette tensed at this. "You mean..."

"Yes. It was Hidan who killed him. Took one of the very, very few things I had in my life that made me truly happy, and sacrificed him to his God for no more reason than the fact that he was an Uchiha, and in the right place and the right time... I watched it happen. I was so young that I could do nothing about it, I hadn't learned any means of combat skills." The far-away look was back in his eyes now as he paused in his story-telling to vacantly check their surroundings.

"He dumped Shisui's body in the river after it was done, he hadn't seen me or it was likely he would have killed me too. But after he left I ran down the bank until I caught up with his body. If one is skilled enough with visual jutsu, it is possible to steal our sharingan, per say, and gain everything we knew and all our abilities. In my family it is custom to burn our corpses so that no one can do this. But I did it then. I had to know as much as I could about this man so I could get stronger and destroy him. I felt much the same way you did. There was no other option except for his dead. So with Shisui's sharingan and mine both, I became a prodigy, able to easily excel at anything through just seeing it done once. And able to make up new techniques on the spot with ease. I got strong and strong and learned more and more and soon came the time when I decided I would hunt him down. I knew his fighting style by watching with Shisui's eyes, and I had analyze it so thoroughly that I knew I would be able to defeat him with ease. But I realized something, simply killing him wasn't enough. It was my Uchiha breeding that drove me to crave not only his defeat but his complete and utter destruction. And what better way to kill him than from the inside out.

So I started researching Jashinism and anything and everything that related to it. I could honestly say that even to this day I most likely know more about his God than him. But the religion is like a puzzle, it took years of constantly searching and reading and tracking without rest before I finally thought that I knew more than enough to kill him in every way possible... but with each bit of knowledge I gained came more understanding as to who he was and why he did what he did."

He seemed to be mulling something over as he paused, leaving Neji absolutely reeling and thankful for the break in information. It was short-lived, however, and Neji was wondering in the back of his head why he'd wanted to know in the first place.

"The day finally came when I decided I was fully ready now, to exact my revenge. I went after him, tracked him for what felt like centuries. Every time I got close it was as if he just teleported to some new location. I didn't learn until afterward that this was Kakuzu's expertise at work. But eventually one of them made a mistake and I caught him. He was sleeping under an outcropping of rocks at the time...

 

_I looked at him for awhile, letting my hatred brew inside me. It infuriated me that he had the nerve to sleep, to look so peaceful when he had surely ended hundreds of lives and ruined thousands more. How he could come off looking like some pale angel when all he was is a demon, the devil incarnate._

_He started snoring loudly then, and this irritated me even more. How dare he not realize I was there, how dare he not sense my hatred and wake up and fight for his life._

_For the kind of man he was, I couldn't fathom how he could be so damned careless. I could have struck him through the heart right there and been done with it. But I couldn't do that. It would have been a shameful disappointment..._

_I kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs and he woke up shouting immediately._

_"GODDAMN KAKUZU YOU FUCKER!" He yelled, flailing as if to strike me. "I WAS HAVING A GOOD FUCKING DREAM-" And then he stopped mid-sentence when his eyes landed on me. I tensed, ready to fight him, replaying all my plans in my head. But instead of attacking, he scrambled to bow before me._

_"Forgive me, Jashin!" He said with his nose in the dirt. "I didn't realize it was you."_

_I was perplexed at this, but I did not let the opportunity go to waste. I kicked him hard so he felt to his back, relishing in this unforeseen turn of events. It was too good to be true. I could cripple the man's faith and make him beg for death. But here was one thing I didn't understand, glaring me in the face. Why would he mistake me for his god?_

_"You disappoint me." I said to him, and again he scrambled back to bow at my feet._

_"Forgive me Jashin!" He pleaded again._

_"What do you think you're doing, sleeping here while I hunger?"_

_I could think of nothing else to say, as much data as I'd collected. I never thought this situation might occur. How does a god address his disciple?_

_He looked up at me, quiet for a moment, and I feared he'd seen through my farce._

_"But.. I just gave you three souls at once! I thought you'd be proud!"_

_"Those were meager rations. Nothing more than a snack. I crave the blood of an Uchiha again. Fetch me one at once."_

_"Uchiha eh?" He says, sitting back and crossing his legs. "Yeah, I guess it's been awhile..."_

_And he studied me again for awhile, and I shifted to grab the dagger hidden in my sleeve._

_"You possessed a body just to tell me that... I was already asleep, you could have just contacted me there."_

_"Hn." I turned my back to him, hoping this show of confidence would continue to conceal my identity. "I thought I'd wreak havoc, seeing as you've been lazing about. This world has forgotten of my power, and they need to be reminded of the vermin that they are."_

_Turning around was the mistake I had made, trying to give a display of power, I left myself open to him. I underestimated him Neji, something everyone has done, something I believe he strives for sometimes, to have the advantage._

_Suddenly I was stripped of all my weapons, I don't know how, but he knew where all 13 of them were hidden on my body. He grabbed both my arms with one hand and disabled me from behind, holding his spear to my throat with the other._

_"I don't know who you are, but I don't appreciate people fucking with me. Especially not when it comes to Jashin Almighty."_

_I managed to remain calm, and did not move. He had me momentarily, but I only needed him to look me in the eyes to regain control of this standoff._

_"You have balls kid, impersonating Jashin. But just looking like him isn't enough. Now, I'll let you meet him, you can find for yourself where you fucked up."_

 

Itachi paused in his story-telling, making Neji blink back to reality. The man was staring sadly at the setting sun on the horizon again.

"That man leaves trauma and destruction in his wake wherever he goes..." He was nearly whispering now, and Neji had to lean in closer to hear him.

"Like a wildfire... he is. People hate him because he is nothing but danger and death packed in human form. But after he destroys everything, new life sprouts up. There are always scars of what once was, but there is beauty in the change. The night I killed everyone that shared my name is the worst of my life, it haunts me and tortures me... but I don't regret it. Not at all. "

"You.. you still haven't said why you did it..." The brunette said meekly, ignoring the voice in his head screeching at him to shut up. Telling him that he did not want or need to know and that he should leave it alone.

"I haven't have I? It's difficult to honestly... it's a dark secret that I'm still not positive I want to reveal. Especially to you, Neji Hyuga. You have very little affiliation with anything it includes. Even Hidan does not know, though I've wanted to tell him... it scares me..Neji. The thought of him knowing. He would lose what shred of sanity he has left."

"I will never tell another soul, Itachi. I swear."  _Jesus CHRIST! SHUT THE HELL UP!_

"I do not know if it's worth sharing the burden..."

"Let me help! I AM a Hyuga, maybe I could..." Do what? Reverse time?

"I do not think that anything positive could come of it..."

"But you already told me all that... you can't stop now."

"No.. believe me. I am only preventing tragedy. I cannot tell you..."

Neji bit his lip until it nearly bled, forcing himself to stay quiet. Fine, if he wouldn't tell him, then he could figure it out on his own. Maybe he wasn't Shikamaru, but he was still a genius too, dammit. Surely he could connect the dots.

Itachi remained eerily silent as his companions mind raced.

_Think think think. Out of everything he just told you, you can get it. Okay... obviously it involves the psycho. He killed Itachi's childhood love, Itachi went after him, learned everything there is to know about that made up god..._

Damn, this was hard to do without being able to ask questions.

_He caught up to the psycho, pretended to be his god, got caught in the act... and what? Obviously he didn't kill him... surely he's not immortal like that Dispshit... is he?_

"Well... then finish the story.. what happened after the psy-uh.. Hidan saw through you?"

Neji would swear he saw Itachi smile at this before he answered.

"He asked me who I was, naturally."

"...And?"

"And I told him I was the man who was going to kill him. Which he thought was hilarious. He asked how I planned to do that, and I told him exactly what I had planned."

"You  _told_  him how you were going to kill him. You didn't think that would maybe... make it kinda hard to do that?"

"No. Because I was trying to intimidate him so he would let go of me and I could carry out my vengeance. And I had abandoned those plans in favor of forever trapping him in a genjutsu and keeping him trapped in my basement to starve to death."

Neji winced at that. He sure seemed normal most of the time but Itachi had his morbid moments... it made for rude reminders that he was a killer, whether he had a good reason or not.

"So how did he react to that?"

Itachi huffed another laugh, eyes going unfocused again as he recalled the old memories.

 

_"He let me go and put his weapon away, and turned me around and studied my face. Immediately I turned on my sharingan, only to find that it miraculously had no effect on him. None at all. He continued looking me over as if nothing had happened at all. It was at this that I began to get frustrated and frantic. I had to kill this man, he needed to be dead by the time I walked away. But for some reason I continually threw my options blatantly out the window._

_It was eating at me, also, as to why he seemed to think I looked so much like his god that I might be mistaken for him..._

_"Tch. You're a scrawny little shit. I don't see how the fuck you think you could kill me..." He stepped back, putting his hand to his chin, still staring. "That's fucking crazy though, the resemblance. And you say you want to kill me. I'm standing here thinking maybe you really are some fuckin' messenger of Jashin, but why the fucking hell would he want me dead? And what the shit is he thinking to send some scrawny mortal to do the job. You can't fuckin' kill me, look at you!" He threw his arms out at me and sighed dramatically, then running his fingers through his hair._

_"And here you got me all fuckin' excited thinking I finally get to die..."_

_He turned around after that and started pacing._

_"And now Jashin ain't picking up the fuckin' phone. I don't know if I'm supposed to kill you or not!"_

_At this time, I don't think I could have tried to kill him if I even did have any way to do it. The man has confused me so thoroughly with his statements that for a moment I thought perhaps this was not even real._

_From what I understood, he actually_ wanted _to die. And he didn't think I was capable. This would have infuriated me except that at this point I was even questioning the fact. And one more thing I noticed now is that though it had been many years since Shisui had seen him, he still looked the same as he had in his memories, down to every last detail._

_"Who are you?" I asked him before I could stop myself._

_He did not even stop his pacing as he snorted and replied. "The man you or anyone else ain't ever gonna fucking kill."_

_This was not the response I wanted, and I said as much. And he replied just as sarcastically as last time._

_"We don't always get what we want Red-eyes. You tell me who the fuck you are, and if I don't end up sacrificing you, maybe I'll tell you who I am."_

_"I am Itachi Uchiha. And you will not be sacrificing me."_

_"Uchiha! What the fucking hell are you doing telling me to kill your people then you crazy bastard!"_

_"It was a ploy to make you believe I was your god."_

_"And what the hell you mean I won't be sacrificing you? Sorry to tell you this you shitter, but if Jashin wants your soul, you're dead."_

_"I will kill you first." I told him. And he gave me a challenging look, and told me to go ahead and try."_

 

"And that's when you found out he can't be killed, huh?"

Itachi nodded. "I struck him directly through the heart. And he put on a shamefully terrible show, pretending to die, mocking me with every single movement. I resolved at that moment that he must be the immortal spoken of multiple times but never actually seen. Everyone that had the chance to test him immortality ended up being slain by him. And I became frantic..."

"You didn't take it into account that you  _couldn't_ kill him."

Itachi shook his head now. "And with him being unaffected by my Sharingan... I had no more tricks up my sleeve. I accepted that I was going to die, and found comfort in the fact that I would finally see Shisui again."

"But he obviously didn't kill you. "

"No. He did not."

"Why?"

The elder Uchiha stopped his story as Sasuke finally shifted, and then moaned, and at last opened his eyes.

He looked back and forth between the two people carrying him groggily and then shoved free of them as his eyes cleared and he regained memory of what had taken place.

"Well shit..." he said again studying the two of them respectfully, then scratching the back of his head. "I'm guessing that he told you since you're not attacking me right now..."

 

Both men nodded in silence.

"Well... uh...are we there yet?"

**Author's Note:**

> http://wierdowithagun.deviantart.com/art/The-Other-Immortal-401864427


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